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When I lost Duke in July my world was in such a turmoil. I had to heal from my injuries in the motorcycle accident. Though the Doctors kept telling me we would both be fine, Duke died 2 days later. I know I can't go back, but I can't settle down until I see the autopsy report. I used to say the "best part of the day is waking up beside you!!" Now my only comfort is his T-shirt and pillow, 2 pills and sleep. I stay active, social and participate but I have a hard time thinking of the future without him. My best friend for 43 years. It truly is one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

Hello to all, Our stories are so similar. It truly is one day at a time. 7 months yesterday. 40 years married. My best friend. So lost without him. Tears just flow. Grief overload. It does make a difference that we can share on this site for truly though we have support of family and friends, no one knows it like we do.

Oh Korina I see how she's the one to get you through each day. To wake up or rather "be woken up to those beautiful eyes" would certainly make my day even at 62 y.o. My granddaughter Danica was with me today (age 23 months) and we exercised to Jillian Michaels (Whew what a work out) She took my hand again when her Mom came and said "Nona exercise????" She's our only grandchild and I am blessed after having three sons to have a girlie girl. I cry when she leaves though I know Duke was watching every moment. He would always say "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL" So I need to know what your daughter's name is AND the cat, too.

That is SO LIKE SOCIAL SECURITY. How cruel! I get $227 from Duke's Social Security. They wrote me and said they had paid him $120 too much so they were deducting $120 from my $227 in January, 2010. You know what I wanted to tell them..... Stay strong Kat Jude

Korina, How about sending us some picture of that baby girl!!!!! God Bless Jude

Tim, All of us will always be married. Yes, Duke and I were married 40 years before his death July 8th. I can't believe 6 months have already passed for me. Like all of us here at the forum, there are good days, better days, and worse days, but the days I try to remember are the wonderful days we both spent together, especially since 2000 when we took early retirement. One thing I always told him is "the best part of the day is waking up beside you" This has been the hardest part of every day since July 8th. God Bless Jude

Marty, I really admire the way you make us all feel so welcome to this site. It's true we are all learning from each other how to handle this grief. I know I find much comfort either from those who feel their faith carries them or the support of friends. When I felt really overcome a few days ago you spoke with me personally with your recommendations. I know I'll be okay, but just knowing that someone is listening right then is so very important. I will always listen to you. Thank you for caring. Jude

Just wondering if everyone feels the same as I do? When filling out simple forms do you check off "Married". I went to a new hair salon and needed to fill out a simple form. Well sure..didn't it ask Single/ Married...yes as far as I'm concerned I'm still married to my wonderful Duke for 41 years now. Still this brought tears to my eyes. Then when I got in the chair, with conversation starting, the stylist said "so what does your husband do?" She doesn't know he's gone, and it's not my choice to make her uncomfortable. "He's a retired police officer" Thankfully we moved on to a new topic.

Thank you Marty. I do feel the forum helps me focus on the good things. When I'm here I know I'm not alone with my grief. There are so many people here who share their stories. I pray every day for all of my friends here at the forum. I will remember to take your advice and take time to relax.

Marty, Debbie, a grief counselor from Catholic Charities, has visited me every two weeks since I got out of the hospital. You see I also was injured in the motorcycle accident and now my broken bones are healed and I've finished P.T. I'm trying to do all that I can but lately I'm overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. Even though I have great support in friends and my boys there seems just too much going through my head at once. I lose important papers, then go through the house til I find them (I always do) I was a very lucky person to have had Duke care for me for 40 years...it's just too much to handle now.

Marty, I have so many reminders of my grief and sorrow. I lost my husband of 40 years on July 8th. The next property is his parents home and where Duke lived all his life. We cared for his parents and watched over and helped them all our married life. In 2007 his Mom passed at home with hospice as we cared for her for a few weeks. Duke's Dad was in the hospital and then sent to a rehab. for cellulitis and IV antibiotics at the time of Duke's death. After the 90 days in rehab. Duke's sister has taken him to her house to care for him and for some unknown reason the family have alienated him from me and my family. He is 93 years old and following their lead. The house remains empty now, a place where my babies were born for we lived in the attached apartment until we outgrew it and built on the property next door (the sister had MY land surveyed and drove stakes in while I went to FL to try to relax.) I watched as my neighbors Lynda and Mark cried and screamed as we watched their house burn down. These triggers have overcome me this 6th month though I get out of bed, dressed, clean house, cook, go to Y, bingo, socialize, but when I get home I just cry and cry and cry. I can't stop, Marty.

Well it seems like I haven't posted forever but my last post was Jan 4th and now it's Jan. 20th. 6 months since Duke passed away. I've been thrown into this awful "grief trigger" Two weeks ago I watched my neighbor's house burn. Lynda and Mark are new neighbors (about 6 years) but the previous owners raised their kids while we were raising ours. Her husband had a stroke, was blind from that, and I remember Jack sitting out by the garage every day just feeling the sun on him. Barbara sold to Lynda and Mark and moved in with her daughter. I have been crying for all that they lost which was everything. Watching those flames engulf the house, standing there with Lynda and Mark and feeling their grief set me off with so much grief and sorrow for them, but now every day my sorrow engulfs me. I am trying to get out to do something every day but this "grief trigger" is somewhat paralyzing me this time. How do I get through this?

Dear Starkiss, I'm so sad that you are having these confusing dreams but I think you are doing the right thing by seeking professional help to sort through these troubling times. I believe when we love someone, mom, dad, gram, gramps, spouse, child, sibing, pet we carry their spirit with us forever. It is hard to understand what your dreams mean but since you have unfinished business it seems it might be a struggle to be done with it and then move on. God Bless Jude

Rochel, I am sending all my strength out to you for your journey home to AZ. You have been an inspiration to me with your faith in God and his guidance. I find that helpful and feel stronger when I feel close to Him. I know you had to put a lot on hold to go take care of loved ones, so I know you have tried your best to prepare yourself for your journey home. Please take it slow and as you always remind us, take time for yourself, rest and eat well. And let the tears flow. God is with you. Judy

So very true. We are all weathering this storm, it's been rocky and dismal. I hate to feel that way but sometimes it just comes on. Now I realize there are triggers that bring the rockiest ride. The waves roll over me and I feel like I'm sinking. But the storm passes and now that I'm done with physical therapy after 6 months, I think I'm ready to dance. Who will join in?

Kath, This is so very true. I devoted my life to Duke. He was and will remain my best friend. However, I have two friends I worked with now 10 years since the hospital closed. I swear they have ESP for when I am the bluest, somehow one of them will call or just stop by. Last night we made our famous homemade pizza and watched "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock. We laughed and enjoyed each other's company from 2 to 7 pm. I thought I forsaked my other friends all these years just to be with Duke, but no they have been rock solid support for the past 6 months. Only difference is I find now I put the call in to them, and this shows I care about how they are doing. We have a lot of catching up to do, but even a phone visit fills the void.

Freddy Lea, I am so sorry for your loss. Moms ARE special. If it wasn't for your Mom there wouldn't be a Freddy Lea. Just remember she will always be with you. She would want you at this very moment to take time for you. You are going on the grieving journey with us and your friends here on this site will always be here for you. Get plenty of rest and eat. Keep up your strength. I lost my Dad of a massive heart attack in 1995. He was my mom's caretaker (she being in a wheelchair with rheumatoid arthritis). She followed him the next year dying of a stroke. It has taken all this time to get over the grief of losing them. Just when I thought I could handle having holidays at my house again, I lose my Duke of 41 years in our motorcycle accident. Now the grief is back to 3 x of tears and heartache. I do believe we must have faith in God to lead us and care for us on this journey. God bless you. Jude

Thanks Kat for the poem. I've cancelled Duke's phone but it sits plugged in next to my comfy couch. If he could just phone home. I want to hear his voice, I want to feel his presence, but I can't face a dream of seeing him. It would be so tough to let go again.

Today I watched helplessly as my neighbors lost their house to a fire. They were not at home and they lost their l year old Jack Russell puppy. Somehow holding Linda in my arms made my loss somewhat insignificant today. My tears today were for Linda and Mark. Mark who has been so helpful plowing my 75 foot driveway during the recent snow storms, and Linda who was at the door the first day I was home from the hospital bringing a huge wicker basket adorned with bright ribbons and filled with homemade muffins and breads. They are neighbors of only 6 years but the home is considered a total loss. Standing there watching their home go up in flames was devastating and me reaching out to help them in their time of anguish and feeling helpless. I've shed no other tears today but for them. God hear my prayers this night for Linda and Mark. Please pray for them. Thanks Judy

Kath, Thanks for the little chuckle about Bob. I need that tonight. Sometimes I wonder what's normal anymore cause I sure do strange things. I find myself somewhat setting up a shrine on the dresser near his picture. Oh how Duke loved chewing juicy fruit gum! Today I found an opened package in one of his jacket pockets. God knows how old it was. Well of course I had to chew a stick, but laid the package by his picture. He loved tootsie rolls too. Found just the wrappers, but laid them with the gum. Oh I know I'll clean it up sometime, but today it seemed right to put it there. So our sad story starts July 3rd with just a weekend full of fun and just the two of us and our corvette and motorcycle. Taking the motorcycle early the 3r to watch the Middleboro parade, then down to Plymouth waterfront for lobster, then back home to wash the corvette, then the parade in Randolph with the corvette. Yep we were having fun. We had many things on our "bucket list" and one was hearing the Boston Pops perform in Boston and watching the fireworks. So on July 4th we hopped on the bike, rode the 30 miles to the city and had a grand time hearing the Pops and Neil Diamond perform. July 5th we stayed by the pool with family and friends. On the 6th in the p.m. we were heading to a car cruise night. The question was "take the vette or take the bike" I won...the bike. We were t-boned 12 miles from home, Duke airflighted to Boston operating on his femur and I soon followed in the ambulance. The doctors told me we would be fine, his operation went well, then things turned and the next thing the Dr. was telling me he was gravely ill. He died July 8, 2009. So though I try not to put an anniversary date on each month, I do find myself getting blue and sad. Thanks for listening. I needed someone to hear me tonight.

Susie, You made it a shining moment in my life, just by sharing your good news. God Bless you. Jude

Wow I was reading through these posts and it surprised me that I actually posted back in November, 4 months after Duke was killed in the motorcycle accident. Well it's 6 months now on the 8th that he died and I'm still going to bed with the picture, his T-shirt, and his pillow. Well, I have cancelled his cell phone but it was sitting in the L.R. next to me plugged into the charger. I picked it up and was going through it, when I realized there were some videos on it. He was not very techno with the phone and the button for the camera was on the side. I remember I used to kid him when I heard a "click" and tell him oops you just took a picture. He didn't like having that button on the side. Well to my utter amazement the videos were of him, walking with the phone, or checking the phone, so brief but after the initial shock has worn off, I pick up that phone often just to see him. The eeeiriest one is just the sound of his feet (he had one squeeky sneaker) walking across the kitchen and laundry floor, the squeeky laundry room/garage door opening then SLAM. Like THE END. I keep pictures of him around but am I beating myself up by hanging on to these ever so brief videos?

Walt, I know 40 years is a long time to love someone but when we feel we had a lot more love to give there is pain and longing for that person. I can tell from your post how devastated you both must have been to learn the diagnosis. For you to have her 99 days when you thought you only had 2 weeks must have brought you some happiness. I hope in the 5 years you have found some comfort in this journey. For me it's only been 6 months and the journey has been rough. I have been grateful to find this site to come to. I do have a lot of support at home but when this 9 room house gets lonely and quiet, I have someplace to go and talk. God Bless you and your Jeannie. Judy

Kat, Don't be so hard on yourself. You DID get through those 4 "first" and I know how hard and painful that is. It has been 6 months since I lost Duke, my best friend of 41 years. As we continue this journey I hope we find the strength to continue, cause that's what our loved ones would most definitely want. I'm so sorry for your loss and at age 53. I'm 63 and have always felt young and tried my best to stay active. For the past 6 months I've been healing from our accident and just feeling up to par. Keep posting on this site for here we have friends who understand our pain. Jude