It has been two months today that I had to let him go. Bernard was a collie-St. Bernard mix that I found at a shelter 12 years ago. He was four months old and the cutest puppy I had ever seen.It was just Bernard and I for the next twelve years. He went everywhere I did. On his first visit to the vet he said Bernard would probably reach 40 lbs or so. Well, his highest weight was 108. I was so fortunate that he picked me as his companion. He wasn't always good. He didn't like to be left alone. I still have a corner torn from my mattress, and a new pair of glasses that he chewed up. (That was my fault for not putting them away) But for the most part, he was great. Any time something came up missing I would find it buried in the couch. He was something.
The last three years of his life he became blind. The vet didn't know why and said there was nothing he could do. He would run into the walls and furniture, even though I never moved anything. He seemed okay with that and still enjoyed life. He began to have thyroid problems, but that didn't seem to cause him any pain. He had bells palsy. That lasted about a month and left him with one ear standing up and one ear droopy. We would go for walks almost every day. Towards the last few months of his life he began having trouble walking, then trouble with his bowels and just not himself. I knew the time was near, but just didn't want to face it. A good friend who had gone through this with her pet said to be strong for him and be calm when the time came. On August 3, 2009 I knew that I needed to let him go. I kept in mind what Betsy had said and I did the best I could to reassure him that I was there and it was okay. But after it was over and his head was in my lap I cried so hard. I'm still crying every day for the loss of my best friend and companion. My heart is so broken. It was just him and I. I feel so alone now. It was the best thing for him, I know, but I miss him so. I have two grown daughters who think I should be over it by now. I wish they understood how my heart aches for him. I know I will come to terms with it in time, but it too soon. Way too soon! Thanks for letting me put this down in writing and know other people will understand. I wish you could have known Bernard. You would have loved him too. Dot
