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Rochel

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Everything posted by Rochel

  1. Good Evening Di, Please tell us about your Glenn....My husband of 37 years marriage died 17 mos ago and my daughter and friends will let me talk about him...you need to tell all of us how wonderful your Glenn was for 34 years...Did he make your coffee in the morning...kiss you goodnight...I find an empty kingsize bed is still so hard...I have changed my house quite a bit but still need to let the bedroom set go...I had a flood in my livingroom and that is when I let his favorite chair go...I do not think there is a set time that we will all stop screaming silently or aloud...I go to the Lord when I can't see above ground...especially when I'm deep in the pit...Another gal here said that she doesn't feel like starting anything new...well, neither do I...In fact, I got off this forum because I thought I would get better and would quit spinning in my wheels...Now, it is healing for me to read once again all the posts of lovely spouses who lost their Sweethearts....Was Glenn's eyes blue or brown...tell us about his smile....Common Di let us hear from your heart...we are all here for the same reason...Bless you...Rochel
  2. In reading your "This can't be normal"....there is no normal when it comes to grieving...everybody goes thru it differently...When I first lost my "Bob" l.5 mos ago, I hung out on this site all the time...it helps to read all the posts because you will find out "normal is not it "grief"....it just is....It is very difficult to look at photos without feeling angry, sad, regret, remorse, loneliness and all the other ugly feelings that come with grieving....I will pray for you Dear Melina...It is a very very difficult transition and I am reading as many books on bereavement as I can get my hands on plus attending church and a small Bible Study....find a safe place to cry, vent and "FEEL" everything that you can feel....Bless you...Rochel
  3. Hi Redwind30....I can relate so well to your misery in losing a husband....my husband died 1.5mos ago and I still can't pull myself out of the hole and the hole in the heart that the loss created...yes, God is your strength but sometimes you need to talk it out with a dear trusting friend...and especially someone that has gone thru your same pain...I just started readintg a book entitled "Mars & Venus Starting Over" John Gray, Phd....he talks about his own personal loss of a dad and dear brother...anyway...He says that in order to heal that you must process out anger, sorrow, fear, sadness....to really be honest with yourself...I read that you have many fears...I also had to put my Cocker Spaniel down about 3 mos ago...killed me...the last bond to my deceased husband (Bob)...If you can write out your feelings it can really help...I will be praying for you...so sorry for your huge loss....Blessings, Rochel
  4. I have moved on in one year's time...it does get better if you hold on to something that is thangible like GOD!!! The only way you can make it thru t

  5. Hi Kat, I too had a very difficult time with my Anniversary 3/15....Some friends came over and took me to lunch and a mall and I spent money on myself...then I came home and drank some wine and painted my wall red (faux-turned out great) stay close to people you love and tell them to get your little butt out of the house...don't be alone..I will pray for you my Dear Kat...All these dates are extremely hard but the Lord will see you through...Stay close to Him...Blessings, Rochel
  6. Dear Nats, On the 24th of this month it will be 6 months since I lost my husband Bob to Prostate Cancer...I have asked myself if it gets any easier and the answer is the pain and loneliness comes and goes....Yesterday we would have celebrated 35 years together, instead of having a husband to wine and dine me last night, I stayed home drank some wine and painted my wall in the livingroom (Red) the red is because it is a shouting, screaming, and why did you have to leave me color... Nats, try and be around the right people such as the great people on this site...people that will love on you, people that care or just people that will stay silent in your pain....talk to widowers that will be on the same page as you...Try to find the right group for you and keep looking and do one on one counseling with a Hospice counselor...they are very devoted and have had much experience pulling us griefy people out of our caves of loneliness and despair...The Lord is the only one we can turn to that will always be there and take the heavy burden off of us...Keep praying and talking to him and take it one day at a time...Bless you, Rochel
  7. Dear Sweet Korina, You are always so good with encouraging the rest of us...now it looks like you have issues at hand...I will pray for you to clean Scott's office..I know that this will be difficult to do with lots of memories and work to be done...It sounds like you are going to have to gather much energy to do this major task...I tried to get rid of Bob's desk...I even took a picture of it all ready for Craigslist and I came out of the ether and realized that it would have been a big mistake...This move sounds like it will help out financially which will alleviate some stress from your oh so responsible shoulders...hand in there my friend...Bless you...Rochel
  8. Dear Susan, On the 24th of this month I will be approaching 6 months and the grief still comes on me like a ton of bricks...Don't let anyone tell you to move on or that they would know "how you feel"...If they have not lost a loved one...they do not have a clue...Sometimes it is terribly painful and other times it is just painful...It helps to give the burden of your grief, sorrow and pain to God..and he will take it and make it lighter...You can only handle this time of your life one day at a time...this is all you can do..sometimes one minute at a time...Please stay on this Forum you will be comforted because we are all walking in the same shoes...different people but same pain of loss....Bless you Susan...Rochel
  9. Hi Angie, This is God at work providing and watching out for widows..what a blessing..Believe me, this wonderful lady is truly blessed too because she was able to help you...Gestures of love doesn't happen unless God is in it...Thank you for sharing this story, it truly is a good one....Rochel
  10. Hi Linda, This was something I was dreading in January and my daughter and her husband took me out for dinner and gave me a special gift...I prayed for myself very intently on the days leading up to my bday because I knew that it would be rough...On that day, I talked to my Bob (deceased spouse) and felt close to him and God...God will comfort you at this time, just ask Him to and I will also pray for you this week...Our Anniversary is coming up this month and I will have to do the same thing again...Find some good friends that understand and go out and celebrate...Bless you Linda, Rochel
  11. I also would like to say that we are deeply in sorrow over our deceased loved ones and although you can get good feedback here for your loss, you may not be able to relate to ours....May the Lord bless you in maturing thru this new situation in your life...Rochel
  12. Hi My Family, Well, the other day I finally made the decision to let go and get all of my Bob's things out of the house...This is almost as tough as the memorial, ashes and all the other heart wrenching things that we all have to do...When you look at the shirts with the printed flowers or other prints that you are so used to admiring on them, it tears your heart out and the punch to the stomach comes back full force...I had a really hard time with his boots and jackets and I kept his robe...When I think of all the times he looked good in his clothes, it makes me weep...Then, you take many ugly black plastic bags and drop them off on cold indifferent concrete at a Good Will waiting for somebody to make a profit on your spouses belongings...I had a very good friend that helped me and we all need good friends to help us over the griefy humps we all have to face each and every day one day at a time....I turn to my Lord when it gets too heavy for me to carry...I'm slowly getting aclimated back into my home but the triggers are here all over the place....I heard a wonderful message at church and here is some wisdom from that message: The experiences that we have is God working out His foreordained and prearranged plan. He is directing every turn and facet of my life, if I will only look to Him for guidance. Sometimes, because I do not understand the difficulty I am facing I must look through the eyes of faith. And through faith I realize that all things are working for good. But then as I look back, I can see that the hand of God was leading me and directing me into various things. It is so beautiful to trace His hand in my life even though sometimes He was directing me into a move that was not an easy or comfortable situation. He simply needed to teach me some lessons. Sometimes when I moved, God was teaching me not to move without being directed. And so, He let me make that move to show me the danger of going ahead without His direction. But even then I could see the hand of God as He was working out His perfect plan in my life. He knew what it would take to bring me to a complete commitment of myself to Him. And then He knew what it would take to bring me to the end of myself, where I would give up totally and completely, reckoning my old self to be dead. God knew exactly what it would take, circumstantially, to bring this transition about in my life. So my friends, there you have it..."He is for us not against us and He is cheering us on in this difficult trial and battle" He wants to see us win this race....Bless you today...Rochel
  13. Thanks Korina for sending a photo of your darling daughter...It does my heart good to see such a wonderful mom and holding up in the grief process...Bless you Dear Korina...Rochel
  14. Hi Ted, Sorry it took me so long to answer you...yes, I did have a great time on my birthday...As a matter of fact it looks like we live in the same beautiful state if AZ...Could we meet for coffee someday...just a grief sharing session, nothing more than that...I know that we both have this in common and it would be great to see you in person rather than just this site...Does anybody else feel like meeting a person that would be on the same page as you??? Still grieving and it is my 4th month of all the triggers back now that I'm home again....bummer for all of us when this happens...I wish this would all go away but it is not God's way so the process needs to continue...just rambling on because of loneliness and grief...Bless you Ted and this whole family of fellow grievers....Rochel (pronounced "Roc-Kell").....
  15. Hi Mel, Sorry for your loss...It is most difficult when faced with a series of losses, we are all here for you and I'm glad that you posted with us....We will all keep you in prayer thru this time of grief that you are facing...As everybody says here, take baby steps....The Lord is with you and will see you thru one day at a time...Bless you, Rochel
  16. Hi Everybody, Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers...I'm home and it is a very good thing to be in my own house again...I realized when I was at my moms that home sweet home is better than running from it...Yes, naturally I came across the triggers that I left...clothes, photos, memories and past gift cards...one in particular that brought sadness that I thought was gone..It was from the past years Valentines Card that Bob taped to the inside of the card a picture of us in Maui and also wrote sweet words inside...Sure didn't need to find this one but I believe that the Lord wants me to fine these items and to continue with the "grief process"...We are all single in a weird world and we don't know how to sink or swim...I now at least chose to swim and proceed with caution...Before I just wanted to join my deceased spouse...I'm going on 4 months and it is getting a little easier, however he won't be celebrating my birthday this year on Jan 20th...that is sad....Good to talk with all of you and thanks for always being here...I enjoy being here for all of you...Blessings, Rochel
  17. Hi Azusaman, I'm so glad that the Lord met you at the gravesite...That is what I have been praying for...I hope that you have let yourself off the hook for past differences and you are ready to move to a new chapter in your life...Adrianne was blessed to have a husband like you, you seem to be such a sincere and sensitive man...I'm sure the Lord is making His countenance to shine down upon you (do you know what that means??? The Creator of the Universe is smiling at you) You are a fine example for the rest of us....Bless your day today...Rochel
  18. Hi My Lil Forum Family, Well, on Friday morning I will be leaving Calie with a friend and say goodbye to my mom for awhile...I am hoping that I have healed somewhat, but I won't know for sure until I get home and I'm behind closed lonely doors...then the grief may start all over again..I sure hope not...My life has been on hold in AZ and it will take some time to regroup and see what God has in His magnificient plan...If I think that way then I may not mess it up too much...and let Him take over when the grief begins...He is in charge anyway...I know we have all had trouble removing our loved ones belongings and now I have that to look at again...So since I put all this on hold, I would ask for your prayers...You have all been a tremendous blessing to me and I will still be here for all of you...Thanks, Rochel
  19. Hi Korina, I sure would like to see a current picture of your little girl...I bet that is a beautiful picture of her lying at the foot of the site...Glad you braved it thru the Christmas Holidays...Glad to see your posts again....Bless you, Rochel
  20. Hi My Friend Kat, My heart really goes out to you...It is so difficult to have to do things that they did all the time and we find ourself alone trying to take their place with the chores...I know it makes you miss him all the more...The cold weather really can bring on the grief, lonliness and tears...I'm right with you there..I'm still in Northern Calif. and it is very cold and gray here...staying with my mom and counting the days to when I will return to Arizona...which I might add is very sunny and clear and beautiful....At least I won't have any regrets that my mom did not get taken care of after my husband died....I have jumped into the caregiver role again with my mom after taking care of my late husband....Sometimes, I need my head examined....Bless you and hang in there, Rochel
  21. Hi Mary Linda, I especially have gotten alot out of this site and will be forever grateful to everybody here that has helped me along in this grief journey...The world hasn't gotten it so far for 2,000 + years...so we need to encourage eachother because "here" we all know "what page we are on"....I can look back early on when I first joined this forum family, and my healing began here...other support systems were okay but here is where the rubber meets the road....where the love and encourage is....Bless you, Rochel
  22. How's my forum family these days...The new year is here and we all have some type of difficult decisions to make....Since we are no longer intimidated by circumstances or the opinions of those around us and our spouses are gone, we need to ask God for wisdom in making these decisions....When we do, we will be amazed how clearly things come into focus...With God's wisdom comes a remarkable absence of fear....His wisdom gives us balance, insight and stability....It also gives us the strength to press on confidently inspite of unanswered questions...When we are ready to move forward, He will meet us at the bend in the road...and, all we have to do is call out to Him and He will be there....Hope everybody is moving along in this journey with hope for the future...I'm going into my 4th month and I'm seeing that hope ahead of me...Bless all of you...Rochel
  23. Hi Mary Lou, Yes, laughter doeth good like a medicine...
  24. Hi Azusaman, Gee, it is good to see you back on this site..."What are you Wearing" caught my eye... Yes, unfortunately we do tell people what we think they want to hear..different people, different stories...I find that if I don't want to do something someone asks me to do, I so to speak, play the grief card...this helps when I'm wanting to be reclusive and unplugged with the public...This really works if you are out and feel trapped and want to go home, you pull out the card...I guess we are all card carriers in this family until we can move on.... I like your questions...they really make a person think...I think we have all felt that guilt when we have heard ourself laugh and say, "Gee that feels good, where have I been"...........Bless you today, Rochel
  25. Thanks Mary Linda, Yes, it is good to hear that we can help people because that is the Lord using us inspite of our own grief...Also, when we help others, we help ourselves...Every time I fall backwards, then I know that eventually I will take 2 more steps forward... I read in one of my many grief books that even though we were loved, and we loved our spouses deeply, the question asked in the book, "in your mind, do you tend to make your loved ones appear to be a Saint?" I got to thinking about that and if we tell ourselves the truth, we can come to grips that we gave our all and did good when times were not that good...let's face it, marriage isn't exactly a cake walk all the time...If we can admit this to ourselves, I think it can help us to move ahead to the next level whatever that is...Bless you, Rochel
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