Not2bforgot10

Kay- My girl (we'll just call her that for now - we're technically "friends" because she can't handle the girlfriend label, and I suppose it is smarter that we're friends first before being partners/lovers) has some major insecurity issues. She has lots of blind-spots. I think she has intimacy issues. Like, attachment. She idealized me at first and now devalues me and is very push/pull, up/down, etc. Her moods change by the hour. She is unpredictable and inconsistent. Granted, she's grieving/baggage of divorce and loss of mother, but I think this is more than that. I think she's afraid of love. I truly believe she is afraid of feelings. She'll feel them, then she'll push them away and outright deny/reject them and/or anyone involved with them. She is afraid of getting close to people. Like, a real intimate connection, ie non-sexual. Sexual is different, and she will often separate the emotional from physical with sex to where physical feels safer and the emotional is off/on, but nevertheless denied later. Again, fear of getting too close. What am I supposed to do about this? She says she just wants to be "friends" right now, and I couldn't agree more. I think it's wise and smart. We also aren't denying our feelings, either, and acting on those feelings. It's hard to keep things strictly platonic when we love one another. It's the push/pull of her not wanting to feel feelings that creates problems. She says she thinks this may go back to her father (he was distant, unavailable). She lacks inner confidence and security.

I am going to re-ignite this thread and be the next "Tom," because my situation is identical to Tom's. I will carry the torch now. I am going to start off with copying and pasting the situation from a journal entry of mine, which I ended up posting on another forum for advice (I didn't get any advice by the way - too few members perhaps). Anyway, this is the situation, which I posted on a psychology forum relating to something called the MBTI (the MBTI states that there are 16 personality types, and I (and Tom) are likely an ENFJ and Tracy and Fern are ISFP) - Google these for more info! Please act as though it's the first time I've posted on here and is fresh and original. I just don't want to hae to re-explain myself and/or re-type everything. I hope you can understand. August 29th, 2013 journal Ever since I found my father dead of a massive heart-attack 10 years ago I have had a pattern of codependence. So, for the last 10 years I have had unhealthy, codependent relationships. If you don't know anything about codependence, it's basically when you have relationships with less developed, destructive, often addicted, ie gambling, porn, sex, alcohol, drugs, people – whim who you are 1. always having to guess/predict (hypervigiliance) what kind of "mood" they are in and act according, and 2. be responsible for their happiness and/or failure. In retrospect, the reason I subconsciously "chose" this lifestyle was to avoid having to face my own painful feelings resulting from my father's death and feeling unreasonably guilty (survivor guilt) of being unable to save him. Anyway, now I am in this new (6 month old) relationship with my girlfriend (MBTI type: ISFP; Enneagram 6w7) who, aside from her current grief/baggage from a 3-month old 25-year divorce and the loss of her mother due to psychosis, is NOT unhealthy, at least not in the same way or to the degree that my ex's were, and we each have our own baggage, however, keeping the focus on me (a healthy decision I have made), I am sadly and painfully realizing that I am pushing her away with my old codependent and smothering behavior. Note: Update 8/31/13: I am now beginning to think that her difficulty attaching to others plays a part in this and makes things look worse than they are. I will for instance, randomly and especially if I notice a change in her energy/body language, will often ask her: "How are you feeling?" "What are you thinking?" "Are you mad at me?" "Did I do something to bother you?" "You seem to be in a 'mood'" "Are you grieving?" (She just divorced her husband of 25 years 3 months ago and lost her mother to psychosis at the same time) "You're not holding my hand" "You've barely touched me all day" These things drive her NUTS and frustrate the hell out of her, but I don't always realize I'm doing it in the moment and certainly not the extent of it. Update: Note: Again, I believe that I am blaming myself to an unnecessary degree because I believe she definitely has some attachment issues going on. Anyway, I get scared (I can't pinpoint the fear, although it seems to go back to my early relationship with my mother and never being able to please her/make her happy - note, she was self-centered, codependent, and narcissistic), and feel the need to fix the situation. It's became a compulsion that I took with me into adulthood after I lost my father traumatically. As I said, and not to blame things on my past, only to simply identify when this pattern begun, ever since I found my father dead, I have found myself in destructive relationships where I try and fix ("help") people, ie, behave codependently, where I've had to be in "tune" with what they're thinking and feelings, etc. at all times in order to know how to act, often at the extent of my own true feelings. A lot of them have also cheated, been compulsive liars, stealers, abusive - emotionally, verbally, physically, etc., and I got used to it (through unhealthy levels of codependence). Well, Tracy (my partner) is not like that – again, not to that degree, and I am bringing old patterns - "baggage," if you will, into the relationship, without meaning to, and I feel terribly bad about it. Update: Note: 8/31/13: Again, she is making me feel worse about it because I truly believe she has attachment issues so any affection to her is too much. We talked about it tonight, and she said that I am "pushing her away" (quote). This is not the first time she has said this. She has told me several times in the past that I have "suffocated" (quote) her, and that she feels like I am a "cat with my claws in her" (quote). She will say we have really "good" days, but also really "bad" days and the bad days she can't stand with me - that I am insecure, needy, clingy, etc. Note: She has these same qualities but refuses to acknowledge them and doesn’t believe they exist (denial) because they are not being brought forth into the light right now. With that being said, I need your help! I know your advice will probably be to just give her some space, and while I will certainly do my best to do this, I know that these are some major ingrained patterns that I have going on (Update: 8/31/13: Again, I am blaming myself and putting too much weight on myself because this is what she is projecting onto me and conveying; again, because of her attachment issues making things seem exaggerated and out of proportion, ie misconstrued), and it's going to take some time. Unfortunately we have a lot going on in our lives right now with all the moving (Note: As a result of the recent divorce, we’ve lived in 3 different places in the past 3 months, and are about to move into a new house that she just purchased). To say the least, patience is running VERY thin. She keeps pushing me away by getting cold, distant, and "bitchy" (quote, -T). Today for instance she was "aloof," and of course, said I am "reading into things" (quote, -T); her favorite thing to say to me, and in my mind it's like, "But you seemed off, but I noticed you were 'acting' different, but I noticed you seemed distance, but I noticed you wouldn't hold my hand, but I noticed you seemed out of character with yourself, ie you drink a beer and that's not like 'you.'" She says I need to let her "be her own person," etc. How do I explain to her that these patterns of mine, ie, this obnoxious and undermining? behavior is NOT about her. I have tried explaining it to her, and I don't think she can fully separate, ie not take it personally. She may be out of hurt, will then state that we're "too different" (pushing me away), or harshly state she's going to "buy me a plane ticket" and "drive me to the airport" (quote) back to where I originally came from, that I'm "too 'immature'," etc. I've heard it all - ie, "Emily, you're too 'clingy,' too 'insecure,' too 'immature,'" etc. And yes, I have been in these kinds of relationships - with immature partners for 10 years now! ...of course I am as a result of being in these relationships and heck, probably from having never grieved honestly from my father's death and still feeling on some subconscious level responsible for his death (PTSD - Survivor guilt), but I am truly wanting and trying to change these patterns, but it takes time - to become aware and make the necessary changes. My/the/our disadvantage: As I said, we have a LOT of pressure on us right now with all the moving around and change, ie moving into this new house in 2 weeks, in the air, and I know ISFP's don't do well with change/conflict, etc., at least that's been my understanding? She said to me tonight that I'm "walking a 'tight' rope," (quote) and I want to know how/what I can do, specific steps and actions, as well as things to say and NOT to say to keep this relationship "afloat" as another member put it? Please help me ISFP's and anyone else who has special knowledge into this type. I am truly trying my best, and I am sorry it's been so rough and feel incredibly bad for hurting her and making her "resentful" (quote) by/when I'm acting out of these subconscious patterns, but I am learning as best as I can, as fast as I can, and with what I have. I need her continued support, love, and patience, and/but she says I'm wearing out my welcome and she's fed up. We prayed to God/Higher Power tonight and she agreed to give me another chance, but I am now left with that same nagging feeling of not feeling good enough (more or less, fearing rejection and failure - codependency issue) even though I am truly trying my best. I can only be so aware, and unfortunately, I am learning through this relationship; however, I don't want to lose it. I also know that if you argue for your limitations you get to keep them, so I am going to change my thinking into more positive thinking and think, "I want to keep this relationship afloat and build and develop it so that it grows strong and true." In order for me to do this, I need to be true to myself, however, and there's only so much that I can do. I am truly trying my best. She keeps saying she just wants us to "go with the flow" (quote), and that I can come along for the "ride" (quote) if I want, but gets impatient with me when I act this way, which I can understand, but I am truly trying my best, and every time I don't live up to one of her expectations, I feel a great sense of failure. I just pray, ie continue to pray to God/Higher Power that God/HP will continue to give my Tracy the patience and strength to hold on during this tumultuous and transitional time while I continue to learn and grow. I have always helped others continue to learn and grow, and now I feel it's my turn. Her problem is she says she doesn't want it on "her 'time'" (quote) - that this was more than she "bargained for" (quote). As you can tell, there is much resentment and things are truly one day/step at a time. I want (desire) to have a healthy, equal relationship with her. My willingness is enormous, which is healthy, excellent, and as far as I am concerned, truly rare, and a gift. So I ask that you guys pray/meditate for us tonight that God/HP will help Tracy & I see our own faults and be able to love and forgive ourselves enough to love and accept each other in a very real way that will allow us to grow and thrive together and be our best selves, fully and truly supporting the other - allies, not enemies. It is no coincidence we have come together during this tumultuous time, and I am not giving up the fight yet; however, I would like to give up my past and for God/HP to clear me of it so that I can move forward with out destroying my current/present relationship. "God please allow me to see what it is that I am doing wrong/my part, and to make the necessary changes required of me to fulfill my own obligation to this relationship and to my beautiful/loving friend/partner and exceed its expectations with respect, dignity, and honor." Thanks guys.

Oh-my-gosh, Tom, I have been following your topic the past two days! When I first saw that your topic was posted back in 2011 and saw that your picture was deleted, I freaked out and thought that maybe you were gone, and I (like you) desperately needed someone to talk to with whom I can relate to. I am SO relieved to know you're back on this forum and that you just posted yesterday, because I am in your EXACT situation! I/we think and act exactly alike, it's scary! I am wondering if there's any way you can Facebook me (if you've re-activated your account lol), and/or yahoo message me? I would like to webcam with you and talk to you about this. And if it at all matters, I am not into dating men, so no conflict of interest here! I just relate to you and need some support right now so I don't make the same mistakes, and better yet, so I can make better decisions for myself and Tracy (your Fern). If you have Facebook, private message (if that's possible?) me, or post on here your link, and/or you can just yahoo message me. My yahoo messenger name is the same as this one

My story? Oh, wow, I wouldn't even know where to start... I guess it starts here: For the first 23 years of my life, I was told to be a certain way, to perform, to put on a mask of exuberance. I was taught to always be cheerful, to always smile, to pretend you’re happy even if you’re not, and to pretend that everything’s okay. My family operated largely under the umbrella of denial; it was crazy-making at its best. From a very young age, my heart was broken because I learned that it was never okay to be yourself. I learned that external appearance mattered more than genuine self-expression, that personal integrity should be compromised in exchanged for self-compliance, and that reputation was the single-most important focus despite how false the means were at obtaining it. Reputation for my family was largely and frequently sought out in an effort to preserve a temporary, yet illusionary security. This preoccupation was the furthest thing from healthy living and resulted in much damage. A family that was by nature built on shambles could pass for “normal” so long as the image of “togetherness” was maintained. After years of conditioning I grew to believe this was in fact reality. The result was a way of coping, or behaving rather, of real yet superficial means of demonstrating competence that was very painful, only it took many years to recognize the extent of this pain. For years, rather than being valued for “me,” I learned that I was valued for what I did. I got the impression very early on that I must be someone else in order to be accepted. I learned to pursue the misconstrued values rewarded by my family members, namely my parents, and particularly those of my mother, which were both unrealistic and convoluted and vaingloriously linked to the expectations my older brother and sister, which I was often ruthlessly measured against in order to obtain any sense of personal value. For years, I was valued for my accomplishments and ability to maintain an attractive demeanor at the expense of my own True Self, which was unacknowledged and virtually unrecognizable at the time. I learned growing up that I was only as good as my last touchdown and that I would be loved according to what I brought home to the table. With this being said and due to my personal attributed testimony with intensive psychospiritual growth and help, it is my personal-held belief that once an individual loses touch with his/her True Self and has misidentified (a.k.a taken on the role) of a False Self and mistaken it for the actual Self, the individual can, through a series of steps, reclaim his/her True Self by first learning to recognize and identify the False Self and the maladaptive role it plays in alienating the True Self. Not being valued for my True Self was a very sad way to live because for many years my deepest needs, feelings, and desires were not being nourished. Rather, my False Self was receiving all the applause. I lived from a place that Carl Rogers would call “incongruence,” a place where the outside does not match the inside. My own authentic qualities were substituted and replaced for a more “acceptable,” luring, but counterfeit image necessary for survival. This was quite a sad way to live, and for many years I spent time after time trying to understand this in unhealthy ways. I would spend much time trying to gain people’s approval in an effort to preserve this “image” that had been created and so notably glorified in an underlying effort to be loved. I thought if I could just get the validation I’d always hoped and rightfully deserved then I would be valued and cherished and provided with unconditional love. The love that I had hoped for never came, for it continued to be misplaced. My image continued to be the most important means of warranting approval while my deepest feelings, needs, and desires remained largely unknown. I continued throughout the years to gain approval the only way I knew how-- by continuing to “perform.” I got the grades, got the rewards and awards, said and did all the “right” things that I believed would merit the necessary recognition; still, I was unhappy and underdeveloped without the slightest clue. I did not have access to the feelings buried deeply within my heart because I was so out of touch with that part of me. My heart had been deeply overlooked in exchange for approval of another Self; a Self that I eventually learned to mistake as my own (The False Self). The unfortunate result was living a life that was virtually non-existent, a life marred by pain. I was not aware of the insurmountable pain at the time and the extent to which my True Self had been repressed. My False Self nevertheless showed its colors when I found myself in a highly destructive relationship where issues of physical abuse were present along with psychological and spiritual, very similar to the very relationship I had with my mother. I had hit my “rock bottom.” I considered myself to be spiritually, physically, and emotionally “bankrupt” at this time. My faith in much of anything was virtually lacking. It was at this dark place where my life turned around. Through journaling and a battered women’s group I was attending, I was directed to Alanon—a 12 Step group that helps individuals reclaim their Selves. It was at this point that I can recall a light, which I strongly, personally attribute to the presence of God, or what some in the recovery field might call one's "Higher Self," was shun on me and made its way inside, and I was able to, for what felt like the very first time in every respect of the word, for a few short moments, see a glimpse of my own true beauty, and though only a glimpse, it was enough for me to know that I'm truly worthy and deserving of all the love that God has for me and that I've always had for myself but never known. I truly do believe that God was with me at this time and that it was his love and strength that allowed for me to open up my heart just enough to open myself up to the priceless gift of receiving love and of endless healing. I trusted in the universe and in myself and shifted the negative energy through the help of trusted friends, my higher self, and God, or “Higher Power.” Through this excruciating process I have learned to trust myself and to peel away all the layers built around my heart. I have learned to dissolve the layers bit by bit by letting God's light shine in. I have learned to trust again gradually, and am still in this process. I am still healing. I am nowhere close to perfect nor will I ever be because I don’t believe such reality exists; it's a journey I’m traveling. I am on a healing path and honor each day. Looking back, I realize that much of the fear I experienced during these painful moments was anticipatory fear: fear of the fear itself. I opened myself up to receiving and since this decision has been made, I have experienced God's light and graciousness. It is my belief that where there is light, there's love --and hope, and from this comes true strength and courage. From courage comes knowing, and from knowing comes wisdom. It is at this point that life can be experienced. It is at this moment that we are re-born. From the ashes arises something entirely new, a spirit so radiant that even he/she couldn't see all that they have become. "Born again," a star. Then (Part II) I lost my father... he died on me... He had a massive heart-attack, my only security, and I found him dead.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to everyone... I checked this post a few times the day after I posted and didn't hear back from anyone, and so I sort of just closed the tab. Anyway, I am re-reading former posts now. I would like to update everyone and let them know that I am scheduled to see a few counselors within the next 2 weeks. I will pick a counselor at that point. The question I would like to speak aloud right now and address is the question of "How can I maintain my independence and still live with someone (ie, them and their family)?" Assuming that my only option right now is to live with another because I cannot live on my own for various reasons. I mean, do I just "suck it up" so-to-speak and know that some day I will get back on my feet? The unknown, the fear of "What if" eats me up. It is SO hard for me to rely on people and to admit that I need help. It feels weak and even threatening... Where does this come from? I am afraid... of maybe being shut out again. Thrown out in the cold, whether it be emotionally or physically? Unwanted? I have never been able to trust anyone, and so it's hard to trust again. Nevertheless, I am able to admit defeat and to admit that I need help, but then it becomes a matter of "How do I get others to understand I need help? The situation right now is that I can stay in Vermont here with my former partner, Erin, as roommates and deplete my checking account, or I can move in with my biological father for the very first time... Going back to my alcoholic and abusive family is not an option. The third option is going with Erin to PA to live with her family and paying them a small amount for renting a room. Erin and I would obviously decide what to do with our relationship then. I just feel (this sounds awful) helpless in many ways... because I feel like either way I compromise my independence. The truth is, I am very happy in Vermont, but what I am living off of is checking account. Since my grief is coming up from 6 years ago, it's causing me to have difficulty working in the 9-5. The 9-5 physical exhausts me, and my body cannot handle it full-time. I am not sure if this is because of the current living situation, with all of the excessive worry, etc, or if it's because of my PTSD and long trauma history? ...or simply that the grief unexpressed from 6 years ago is coming up 3-fold. Regardless, I am afraid right now, and I do not want to compromise ANY of my independence, but it seems to be that I will have to in some way, and either way I lose. I guess I am angry that this grief is coming up... resentful, though I know it needs to happen, and I am trying to be non-jugmental of it. It's very hard to get others around me to understand because they say it's 6 years ago and it doesn't "count." They don't realize I never grieved finding my father dead... They also don't understand PTSD or just trauma in general and the effects of it. I feel like most of my life I have been trying to get people to understand... validation, over and over again, and the only damn people that understand are my 12-step group. Still, if I can't live here, then I will have to relocate to yet another 12-step community... I don't want this. I want stability and consistency. This is very hard for me. I feel like there is so very little support for trauma survivors... I know that when I get on my feet I will do my best to create resources for individuals like myself so that they can get the help they need, because we all deserve it. No one deserves to self themselves short of their life potential. I will give back to what's been given to me if I can just get the validation... And please don't say that I must validate myself, because that is not the case when it comes to grief... It is very important during grief that we have people around us to fully support us. Unfortunately I have not had that. Now, with what little nest I have built around me, it may be taken away from me if I have to move... I will have to start all over again... it just seems so exhausting...

I wasn't sure whether to post this entry under "Loss of a love relationship" or "Loss of a parent." Please comment. Thank you! I am posting because tonight I voiced to my partner that I really need to be alone. I told her that ever since my father died 7 years ago (I have not grieved) I have hid behind relationships for security... (I never realized I was doing this). Truth is, I realize the pattern now... I am painfully aware of it, and cannot turn back. I do not know if I am a love addict. It may simply be that I have unresolved grief. I have not grieved my father, and it's been 7 years... I am starting to feel massive amounts of it. I broke down tonight when I talked to my partner about leaving the relationship (We live together; breaking up would make us exclusively friends) because in so many ways now I realize that I will have to grieve the loss of my father AND all of the relationships that I have been in and lost (not peacefully). I never knew how a loss so large could effect so much of my life... especially a loss that occurred 7 years ago. I realize that I never got over my father's death, but still... to think that all of these relationships and the grief associated with them has accumulated shocks me. I am surprised that I haven't been able to grieve any of them either. PTSD? I don't know... all I know is that since I lost my first imago (Jen) since after my father, I have not been the same person... I stopped trusting, slowly, but altogether. I feel like in many ways now I am my own worst enemy, and I am imprisoned. I feel like I cannot get outside of myself because I cannot feel my grief... the grief comes out in spurts maybe once every month or two for but 30 minute increments. It's frustrating. Anyway, my partner and I have decided to "sleep on it" and figure out later what to do about our relationship, but it was pretty much decided on that we will no longer be together. We both know that we need to be friends and would be much better off as friends. We never started a friendship from the beginning and should have... the thing is, (and this breaks my heart), I fear that she will not give me another chance in the future --near or far, because of the negativity that prolonged in our relationship for the time in which it did. Early in our relationship the trust was shattered, and I never got over the hurt... I was hurt not only once, but twice, and I haven't been able to shake it since... anyway, as a result of my being hurt, my behavior changed, and I became rigid and a tight ass. To say the least, for someone so free-spirited as my partner, I think it really wore her down... There's a lot to be sorted out-through in regards to this, but that is all I know and can say for now. I just wanted to write and share my feelings of fear and sadness in regards to the loss of this relationship and how now I am afraid that I might have to face the last 7 years of grief from MULTIPLE relationships beginning with the very first, my father... I am terrified and beyond devastated.

There is so much pain associated with living in the present, it's not even funny. It hurts, and I don't think I can handle it, and so I'm trying to find a way out, but not in a way so much as to escape, but to help me *long-term wise. I am looking to create an *atmosphere for myself where my emotional needs can be examined and addressed. In short, I am trying to create that *space necessary for grief, and in the meantime (short-term), I am putting aside my emotions (the strong one's, ie: anguish) long enough basically to buy me the time to build a "nest" so-to-speak for myself so that my grief can express itself. If my grief cannot be expressed I will be sick. Grief/Trauma is toxic. Any author or medical doctor can agree to this. I am angry because I feel like I have to explain; rather, "prove" to significant people in my life the state of my condition. Nobody seems to understand; moreover, they think that I am just exaggerating to get attention (ie, gain sympathy) or believe it to be impossible to have repressed grief dating back to 6 years ago. This is a preconceived notion they have, and it is grossly inaccurate. I am tired of beating my head up against a wall. In terms of work, it has been difficult for me to work, and in addition to being told "Get over it," etc etc, I have also been told it sounds like I am making up excuses not to work, or work as much as everyone expects. As I said earlier, I am tired of having to "prove" to everyone the state of my condition, and I do not want a major health-crisis to occur for them to see the truth of my concerns. That would be a shame. Why is it that I have never been able to get the validation I so deserve? I do not choose or want to live my life from the standpoint of a victim, and I think that it is more than obvious in my attempts to discuss my pain and moreover develop a plan (a strategy) to address (heal) the issues of my past. My intention/objective is not to gain sympathy. My objective (intention), reinstated, is to heal. Why is it so hard for people to believe that I am hurting? I have tried to explain to people in the simplest terms, but unfortunately the only way I know how to explain it is psychologically... Psychologically-speaking, I have created a False Self for survival needs. This "False Self" has allowed me to survive (note: I did not say "thrive") in a world that has been disruptive to my psyche and completely unpredictable and inconsistent. This False Self kept me functioning... False Selves won't last long... they eventually crumble, depending on internal and external circumstances, either resulting in a nervous breakdown or a major health crisis. I am trying to prevent this. I am becoming more in touch with my body every day now, and can tell when it is close to collapsing. The truth of the matter is I need help, and I just can't seem to get it. I can only validate myself so much before I crumble... and just give up. It's a fact of life that we need people and we need support, and I am so terribly lonely right now and few (1-2 perhaps) understand. I cannot go to a therapist again paying out of my own pocket after what just happened with the one I just had... For those of you who do not already know, I am choosing not to go into details right now, but lets just say that my therapist was highly unethical and now I cannot allow myself to trust again. Furthermore, there may be a lawsuit filed against her. Regardless, I wasted $5,000 dollars on this woman and ended up worse condition than when I first started with her. I do not feel as though I can get my family to listen to me. Max (My biological father) and Lisa (his soon-to-be ex wife) are the only two who can literally help me with the financial. They both have the income and means to provide. Max and Lisa if they choose to (I emphasize choice because it is clearly their choice) could choose to help me. I do not know the depth of their situation. They are getting a divorce; I do know that. But anytime I try to bring up the emotional aspects to Max I am written off... I'm not sure why, but Max doesn't seem to take me seriously, and he is one of the people (significant people in my life) that seem to think I am whining or not "trying hard enough," etc. If he does not really think this then I need this clearly demonstrated to me, because I am just speaking from my perspective based off what I have experienced. Again, I do not know what else it will take to prove to Max, etc. that I am hurting, other than a huge health-crisis. Moreover, given the extent of damage done to my faith (trust) right now, I am not even sure I would trust help to be given at such a point. I do not want things to get to that point, and I should not have to fight this hard for validation. Even if Max wasn't willing to help me at all financially (this is his choice) he could at least listen to me and trust me when I say I am hurting. I don't get this feeling from him. Maybe he has his own stuff to deal with, but the least one can do is pretend. I don't know what else to say... I need the help financially more than anything to be able to get the long-term, intensive therapy I need. To be quite honest, and any trauma therapist would agree with this, I need grief counseling at least 2-3 times a week for all the trauma I have endured, and I am not saying that like "pity me." I really am hurting, and I really am at a risk for a major health crisis. What will it take for people to open their eyes and see? What does it take for someone to give who has the resources? I cannot speak for anyone else, but I can speak for myself, and I will say that part of my plan (honest and ambitious) is to get myself to a place of emotional sobriety and financially leverage where I can supply the means for other people. ...where I can give back for what's been given to me. I want nothing more than to be able to provide for myself (We are no good to others unless we can be good to ourselves) so that I can provide for my family and community. What goes around comes around.

I am experiencing delayed grief, and would like to re-ignite this topic Delayed grief is when we have not grieved months or years after a loss, correct?