steely

I don't drink so I probably shouldn't start now. I'm with you on the grief though.....

Thank you Linda, It helps to know that you understand. He was my greatest comfort. Be Well, Amy

Thanks Korina, sometimes even the wracking sobs don't help. I just feel worn out and still alone. He would always come to me if I was upset or crying. He never wanted me to be unhappy. He was always supportive to me. I miss him so much. Be Well, Amy

Mary Lou, Thank you for your well wishes, I am holding steady today. I have a hard time watching tv programs because they remind me of him. He had back issues and was not really active, we watched a lot of tv together. It makes me sad now and I can't bear it at times. Seems like everything is a reminder of what I have lost... Be Well, Amy

Kat, I identify with this as well, I have lost interest in everything. I can't do the things we used to do because it is agony. I can't do anything new because I have no interest. It is terrible to try to navigate these waters. I know the loss of people, as well. It's only been 6 weeks, it's still fresh. I think maybe they can't bear to see me so unhappy. It may remind them of losses they might have to deal with one day. I don't really know. Everyone's life has continued but mine. It's so hard sometimes, most of the time. Thank you for sharing with me. Be Well, Amy

Thank you Debbie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it is because it hasn't been that long for me, either. I do feel this is a wonderful place and the people are so kind and caring. It is a soft place to fall. I appreciate being here so much. Be Well, Amy

Thank you Phyllis, it does help to know I'm not alone. I appreciate everyone here because I know you will all be here at some point and I won't be alone. Be Well, Amy

Linda, as always you are so helpful. Thank you so much. I'm 41 years old and my friends husbands are around this age. My husband was 25 years older than myself. The ladies in grief are much older than I am, they have been married to their husbands for 40+ years. They also had anticipatory grief, I did not have that. Harold's death was so sudden it was just like, I was talking to him and an hour later he was dead. They don't understand that and I'm glad they don't. I hate that they have to feel this way. They're devastated. I know that this is going to be the way it is, sometimes I just get that frantic, panic attack feeling. He's gone, he's gone, he's gone, over and over in my head. I don't know any of the answers and so many questions. Thank you for sharing with me. I know how hard it is for you. Thank you.. Be Well, Amy

Amy or steely works, I answer to both. I'm sorry your Mother said that, they really don't get it. That is the frustrating part. I just get so tired of trying to explain. It's hard when no one in your family or circle of friends has ever lost anyone. I mean a spouse, it seems much harder when you've lost your partner and best friend. It may not be and hopefully I won't have to go through losing a parent or sibling. It was a close call on friday, my father had bypass surgery. He came through it well and is fine but all I could think was I'm going to lose my father. I'm trying to be good to myself. I have good days and bad. Sundays are very bad. I guess it's just going to be the way I feel, until it passes. Thank you, I appreciate you telling me. It helps to hear from someone who knows and is traveling this path, as well. Be Well, Amy

Thank you all ladies, I know you are further along this path than I am. I go to grief counseling as well, Monday nights. I do pretty well during the week but when the weekends come, it comes like a ton of bricks. I feel crushed and even trying to breathe hurts. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, my family and friends get this glazed look in their eyes. I know no one wants to dwell on sadness and pain but it's not going away anytime soon. He was my life and now he's gone.No one knows how that feels, they have never lost anyone, especially a spouse. I'm just trying to make it through the day and that is a challenge most days. I miss him so much.

My husband passed six weeks ago today. Sundays are so hard on me. I'm usually alone and it hurts so much to think of him being gone. He was always here on sundays, he was always here with me. I come here and read your stories and want to post but I can never think of the words. I can't think of the words to tell people how I feel, it hurts so badly I become speechless in the enormity of what's happened. I am reading though and sometimes it just overwhelms me. I have no idea how to do this. Thank you for listening. Be Well, Amy

Lea, I'm so sorry for the losses you have suffered. I know how it feels to be the strong one, too. If I fall apart, everyone else will, too. So, I put on the brave face and do what I have to do. Then I come here and the wonderful people here help me deal with my pain and sadness. Please continue to read and post, I know it has saved me many times. We are here to help each other and listen. Sometimes that is all we need, just to get it out there. Be Well, Amy

I have that problem with shaking but I am diabetic. I haven't been taking care of myself very well since Harold's death. You might look into having it checked. I was diagnosed this past February, had no idea. Hope you feel better soon.

My own feeling is to scatter the ashes. I was talking to a member at group, she told me that a friend kept the ashes of her husband. She continued to talk to him and she came to hear him reply. I had already decided to scatter the ashes but this clenched it. I can see myself in the same position. I don't think that I would ever be able to move on. I don't want to dwell on this. I want to move in a healthy way forward. I know my husband would not want me to suffer so much but it is so hard to deal with life without him. We tackled everything together. I knew he would always be there to catch me if I fell. I'm alone now and he's gone, my rock, my best friend. He really was everything to me. Thank you, Rochel. That is a newer picture of me, in happier times

I haven't heard from any of Harold's brother's or family. I do hear from his children upon occasion. I don't know why this is. You'd think they might check on me. Maybe they are afraid that it will upset me, maybe they just don't care. I have no idea why.

The day that I have been dreading has arrived, I received Harold's remains yesterday. The finality has hit home and now I can't trick myself into believing he'll be back. He is back and I'm alone. I don't know how to do this. Everything is so vague, it's your own path and you have to handle it your way, what do I do with that? How do I make sense out of this? I'm so tired. I miss him so much. How do I go on?

Thank you Stuart, Alas it is not be a peaceful monday. I received Harold's ashes today and the whole roller coaster started again. Death certificate friday and remains on monday, I don't know how much more I can handle. It is so hard, I know Harold would want me to continue being healthy and working towards that goal but I have lost all motivation. I can't seem to get anything accomplished. It's a big gaping whole in me and my life. I run out of words sometimes, the pain is so overwhelming. I do know how you are feeling and I am so sorry. I really hate that we have to feel this way. Be Well, Amy

I'm so sorry, Linda. I have nothing to offer you because I feel the same way as you are feeling. All I can say is I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I'm sorry for the pain, the anguish and despair. All I can tell you is you are not alone. I could've written your words straight out of my mind. Be Well, Amy

Thank you Susie, thre are times that I live from minute to minute, times when it hurts to breathe. I am so sorry for your loss. It's particularly hard with brain issues. One minute I was talking to Harold and the next he was gone. Although it did take his 4 days for his body to pass. The longest 4 days of my life. I'm glad you can find a connection, I'm still at the he's gone stage. It is a very hard road. I don't know how I go on at times. Take care, Amy

Thank you, I really needed to hear that today.

I think that because I received Harold's death certificate, it really hit home that he is not coming back. The finality of him really being gone set in. I was having a tough day anyway and that just clenched it. I'm still having a really hard day today. It's so hard to form words to express how I feel. It's like the weight of the world is crushing me.

My husband died on October 11, so it's been about 6 weeks.

This is truly the worst day since my husband died. I can't even form words to describe the pain, loss, emptiness. Every time I try to breathe it hurts more. How do you live through this pain?

Due to lack of interest the Holiday's have been cancelled this year. I feel like sending everyone I know a note. Christmas is going to be a nightmare. It was our special time of year because of a gift I gave him the first year we were married. I gave him a leather coat, he actually cried. From then on it was our time of year. I can't bear to even think about it.

I feel so much of what you have all written. It hurts to even try to talk about it. I'm so sorry for us all.