AZJane

I do a few things. I quick freeze protein portions so all I have to do is select one for dinner, put it in the fridge in the AM and it's defrosted by dinnertime. When I bbq, I make extra and use it in a salad the next day(s). Foil packet meals are simple and healthy. I make mine in a toaster oven to save energy and not heat up my kitchen. Make a quiche and eat it for breakfast for several days or add a salad and have it as lunch or dinner. Make a casserole and divvy it up into indy portions and freeze. Your very own Homemade freezer meal. I go out to Happy Hours for inexpensive dining out. Lots of places have cheap appetizers and its fun to get out of the house.

Fantastic article! Thanks so much for the link. She's a fabulous writer that I can really identify with.

Eteh, sending you some hugs. I did the 'got too thin' thing and am currently in the 'gained too much' category. Maybe sign up on a weightloss forum for accountability and support? I'm getting ready to start a healthy diet including exercising. If you're interested maybe we could support eachother. I hope today is going well for you. Jane

Great job! I'm impressed

I baked the banana bread recipe this morning and omg, it is delicious. Thanks so much for sharing it with us on your website. For anyone that hasn't been to Dusky's site, here's a link to the recipe and the story behind it. http://findingmybananabreadman.com/index.php?page_id=280

I only have one person in my 'real' life that is still understanding and there for me and my meltdowns. Everyone else is over it and cringe when I even mention his name. It is as though he never existed. Makes me nuts. I found another forum that includes a chat room and most nights several of us are there to share, support, laugh, act silly occasionally and just knowing there are other people out there helps me. I can say anything and noone is uncomfortable and in many cases, someone has a suggestion or something nice to say that can really help me deal with things. Last night I cleaned my house while chatting. Yeah, boring Saturday night but it was nice chatting a bit, doing a thing or two, going back and seeing what the chat was about and it felt like I had company without the company, ya know? Pm me if you'd like the info on the chat and I'm sending you out a million hugs and support today. It's a beautiful day in the Valley. Think I'll get out and breathe and take a walk.

Welcome Home! I hope you are settling in and you're having a good day.

I come read each day. I think I am sadder this year than last year. Maybe I was in such a fog last year it just didn't seem real that he could be gone? dunno. This year my daughter moved here so it will be nice to have her company. His family has pretty much abandoned me altogether so my dd and I are making new traditions since we always spent the holidayw with them. We're going to a lovely mexican restaurant tonight and tomorrow we're going to the casino and having a nice dinenr there. I just couldn't cope with cooking, decorating, etc and she didn't feel up to it either. It will be a nice change of scenery for me and hopefully the time will pass quickly and I'll have one more holiday without my Love under my belt. Wishing everyone a safe holiday. Jane

Yeah, just having a rough day. Is it really past 2 and I'm still in jammies? I'm not sure if I'm more freaked out about not being dressed in my day to day wardrobe or the fact that I had to actually purchase warm jammies because my true love isn't here to keep me warm? Ugh. Either way it sucks. He would crack up that I have on a true 'pajama' set. So not my style Oh well, pity party for one or if anyone cares to join me, let me know and I'll change my reservation. Thanks to everyone here for understanding. Rochel, when will you be back? Maybe the Phoenix people can get together? I wouldn't mind hosting and it would give me something to direct my attention to. I used to love to have parties at our house and it seems like such a waste not to do that anymore.

Sending up prayers and hugs for you and your daughter.

I find it very interesting how people deal with this situation. A year ago I would read posts (on other forums) and my eyes would bug out in disbelief over how some were reacting to their newly aquired status. Ugh. I was the woman that wore the beautiful clothes, jewelry, makeup etc and I didn't have a day of 'don't get dressed and stay in bed all day sad' until I hit the one year mark. I was the 'cheerful' gal. Hmmm. Um, where did she go cos I would like her to come back? Something about the one year mark where everyone around me figured I should be 'moving on' has hit me like a ton of bricks. I know logically I have to go forward but I really don't want to. I want him to come walking through the front door. I want him to tell me some sports show story that I could care less about. I want him to tell me it's all going to be ok. And he won't or can't or figures I can do this. I know he thought I was a very strong person and I am. Just not for today. It's gloomy outside, cold and I want to light my fireplace and have him here with me. Is that asking too much? Apparently. I will try my best to start my week off positive. I give myself weekends to be sad. Maybe it is a luxury? don't know.

I could have written this post. ((hugs)) It's overcast, gloomy and I'm actually sitting here in pajamas after noon?? Yikes. So NOT me.

This is my second Christmas without my Love. I'm seriously considering catching a plane for Las Vegas and skipping it. Anyone else escaping for the holidays? and why am I thinking NYE is even worse? Must be that kiss at midnight that I won't be getting. I hate this. He really should be here right now and I hate that he isn't.

Phoenix people, Have you ever been to Farellis? It is a really fun place to see a movie. We went there on Thanksgiving as something different to do. You have a meal while watching the movie and they have cocktails, etc. A nice way to see a movie, have lunch or dinner and get out of the house. There were many singles there last week. I may try going alone sometime. Ted, thanks for the tip on Management. I'm going to have to rent it. I just discovered the joy that is Redbox and I think I'll be using it frequently to keep my head entertained. I'm so happy to finally be able to actually watch a movie and have just this week started back to reading as well. I don't know why I couldn't read books (something I've always enjoyed) but I couldn't hold my attention long enough to do it until now. Ah, the joys of grieving. NOT. Anyone getting out and about this week? I have an invite to Houston's but I'm not sure if I feel like going or not. One of my dh's best friends wants to take me but I know he has always harbored a crush on me and it makes me uncomfortable. I've told him several times that I am not interested in dating him but he is still giving it the old 'college try'. Too bad because he really would make a nice friend but I have to be so careful not to do the slighest thing that might be misread and I don't like being in that situation.

I had such high hopes for a good nights rest last night, but no such luck. I talked on the phone with one of my love's best friends and he was recalling the last time he saw him, the conversation, etc. On the one hand, this is the first time he shared it with me and that was good and it has taken him over a year to tell me about it. He had a very difficult time when John passed and stayed away from me and our home for a long time. He just couldn't come here at all. Our home is definitely symbolic of the person John was and most of his friends have a horrible time coming here. He passed here and I think it freaks them out a little bit. Anyway, that had me in tears and when I tried to sleep I had really odd dreams that I'm sure would keep a dream interpretor busy for days..lol. On the positive side, was the rain here incredible, or what? I love the rain and sat out on the patio with my dogs in the middle of the night hoping to find some sign that this has all just been a bad dream and I'm going to wake up and he will be here with me. Obviously, there was no miracle. So, here begins another day and hopefully some rest tonight. I feel pretty good this morning and am going shopping with my daughter. It will be nice to get out of the house(at least for a little while) I find I'm fine out for a little while and then I feel the need to be home in 'our paradise'. Hmm..that's ponderings by Jane on a Sunday morning. Wishing all my friends here a peaceful day and sending you all hugs and support P.S. Glad I wasn't at the ASU game yesterday. Rain and a loss. Yuck.

Linda, wishing you a safe journey home. Your time away sounded lovely and special. These relaxation ideas are wonderful. I'm back to doing the mani/pedi thing and it is nice to do something for myself and enjoy the pampering. Ted, it's a great day here for a jacuzzi. I may do that too actually. Thanks for the idea. As for the sex topic, Friends with benefits. He is a widower 2.5 years out (he's 52) and I'm just over a year (I'm 47). We've known eachother for 20 years so I didn't just run out and find a partner..lol. We have a standing sex date or two each week and we're both very happy with the arrangement. It works for us but I realize it isn't for everyone and I do know that people have very strong opinions on this but I always say that until you're in my shoes.....

Ted, My daughter just moved here and I'm constantly warning her about all of the speed traps around here I think that may be the only source of revenue around here. LOL. Maybe once Walmart arrives in town they will cut back on the tickets...hahaha. Another day has arrived and it is so gloomy outside. Perfect. It matches my mood. I tried some melatonin last night and I think it helped. Have you tried that? I was up late but once I went to sleep I was out like a light for 7 hours (a miracle for me lately) I can't help but think that I should be going to the ASU-UofA game today and that's hitting me hard. My love was a HUGE ASU supporter and loved attending the games. No cocktails for me today. I'm going to try and think of positive things and do some odds and ends around the house to stay busy. I have one more closet left to go through of my fiancees things and that will tie up all the 'going through stuff' stage. I thought I had completed it all and realized last week that there was one more. Ugh. Now, to just get myself to go open the door and see what I see and then, the bigger challenge. What to do with this stuff??? I've freecycled a lot of things recently and that seemed to help me to know his things were being put to use. In fact, one member is an art teacher and she was looking for athletic socks to have the kids make sockpuppets. I had over a hundred socks for her and she sent me the sweetest note and pics of the puppets. That made my day. It's like somehow he lives on and made those kids happy. Ok, now the tears are flowing. I hope your day goes well today everyone. Hang in there. Jane

Ted, I think its great that you got out of the house. I am trying to do that more as well. I'm finally getting the patience to be around more people and to do things. It's taken me a long time. I watched the first movie I've seen in a year yesterday. I just have not had the attention span to do that. Weird.

I lost my fiancee last November. I think back to a year ago and I think I dealt with the holidays much better because I was in such a fog and people around me were understanding and supportive. I'm in the 'you need to move on' stage amongst my friends and family and it bugs the heck out of me. it's almost like the mention of his name can clear a room because people are so uncomfortable. Um sorry people. He was my WHOLE world and a year is not much time to delete him from my conversations (insert rolleyes here!)Anyway, I found this site and decided to start posting. I'm in Cave Creek and just made another round. Cheers. Oh, and stay away from the sad music. Gosh, that is my biggest downfall. I can be having a decent night and I decide to turn on some music and the waterworks start. Ugh.

I'll join you both. I'm having a Patron margarita to drown my sorrows this evening.