furkid

Again, thanks for the replies. Randy's birthday was about 3 1/2 weeks after he died, so it was just another horrible day in a string of them. I didn't even realize what day it was, except I kept getting a whole bunch of phone calls from people checking up on me and later realized why. Same thing happened when our anniversary came around 2 months later. That's why the birthday was so weird. I thought I would take myself out over the weekend, but I slept and watched TV instead. I think the comment about our significant other making a little bit of a fuss for us is the reason. It was just another day and another weekend. Friends wished me well on facebook, especially after I posted thank yous for some birthday wishes and mentioned how I was missing someone special. But other than that, no one made a special effort to get me out of the house on the weekend, not that it would have helped, but maybe it would have. My husband would have made sure I got up and went out. Going out by yourself is not too much fun, unless your meeting friends. Sleep is good too. I was single for a long time before I finally met Randy, I had turned 30. So I remember the discomfort in going out by myself.

Thanks for the input.

Glad you found something that has helped you. My kitties have help with alot of it, time has helped with the rest. Also I keep thinking about what I was doing a year ago. We had thought that he was getting better and might have a chance of beating it.

Who would have thought that MY birthday would have been hard. I've moved into the total acceptance of the situation stage. I don't cry much about him anymore, but yesterday was my birthday and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss him. I miss his arms around me giving me a big hug. He always took me out to dinner too around my birthday. My family celebrated it at Easter, along with several other birthdays, so not much special yesterday. My Mom sent me flowers. My brother-in-law called me from California. At work there was cake. I did get alot of good wishes on facebook. It's definately good for that. But I'm still feeling down, even today. So what's up with that. It's been almost a year now.

Wow, I think I would have lost it reading that. I guess that does make it pretty official. Thanks for all your feedback. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who wondered about this.

This is probably not anything anyone else wonders about, but what do I refer to myself as? I've filled out some forms and when there is no "Widowed" box to check, am I considered still married, or am I now single? Is there a tradition on this? What do most of you do? My mother's 77 so I'm sure she still considers herself married. My father died in March of last year. My husband died in May of last year, but I'm 48. I don't plan on ever re-marrying, but I'm minorly confused about this detail. I must admit, when we first got married, I had a hard time getting used to using the term "we" instead or "I". Now I'm having trouble going back to "I". You know, as in "we" put the goldfish back in the outdoor pond in May. (One of the conversations from this weekend). It's been almost a year and I'm dealing almost too well now, but trying to motivate to clean the house for Easter was hard. That's the holiday we do with both families. My Mom actually came over and helped me, bless her sole. I had 15 people for dinner, and made both a spiral ham and a turkey breast. I lost it over some minor things I un-earthed in cleaning. I found his pill box with Saturday's pills still in it. That actually was from January 1, 2009.

Does someone have bats now, or is this related to the older bat story. I think I would try a fishing net, blanket, or large towel to catch it in if it doesn't fly out on it's own. I guess you won't have to worry about mosquitos in your house though.

If it's sort of a metal clamp thingy with a screw in it, then the screw is used to either tighten or loosen the hold. If it's busted you can easily get one at Home Depot or any other hardward store. That's the best I can help you with. (P.S. It's known as a hose clamp).

Like most of you, there are quite a few things I have hung on to because they were Randy's. I felt I couldn't get rid of them because he had time to collect them. Shortly before and after he passed I was having my basement sealed. We had a terrible black mold problem and the doctor's told me he couldn't come home until that was taken care of. We put some stuff in the attic to let the heat kill the mold in the wood. At one point the guys helping me wanted to get rid of some stuff and I paniced. Maybe Randy would need that. You have to understand, he was a woodworker and constantly collected scrap wood and other things he would see along the road that "somebody could use". Sometimes it drove me nuts. I am a terrible saver too, but I didn't bring in stuff from the side of the road. Well the folks that were helping me knew he would probably never be able to do some of the wood working he used to do. The cancer had paralyzed him from the waste down. But the thought of throwing something out just seemed totally ludicrous. 9 months later, I realize, I really need to get rid of some of this stuff. I will never use it and I don't need to keep it around. I'm hoping to have a garage sale in the summer. I still get mad if one of my cats knocks things off his dresser. I should have sold his van months ago, but I still have it. I recently had a minor car accident, and now I'm driving it for a few days while my car is fixed. It's twice the insurance, and the registration, etc, but it was such a nice van, I just haven't been able to sell it. It's impracticle, but I don't know whether I will ever be able to sell it.

I've always ran cold. Not good when you live in Western NY. I find wearing socks to bed helps. My "office" room seems to run colder than the rest of the house. When I spend hours on the computer, which unfortunately I do, I find I'm so cold and stiff I can hardly move. I still have some of Randy's heavy Zipper or button sweaters. Even though they are more than 2 sizes too big for me, I'll put one on and feel alot better. As far as sleeping, Randy and I had stopped sleeping in the same bed several years before, for practical reasons. He snored a little, I'm a light sleeper. I wanted the cats to sleep with us, and his allergies got so he would wake up all stuffed up and have trouble breathing. He also like to have the TV on until he fell asleep and I wanted quiet. I was hurt at first when he started sleeping on the couch instead, but all three cats started sleeping with me, there were no fights over covers, no arms or legs suddenly coming flailing over, so I eventually got used to it. That's one loss I didn't have to deal with that I'm thankful for. Also the fact the he was in the hospital for over 4 months before he passed, so not having him at home, in the initial days was not totally new. I have thought about that when I think of people that have lost someone suddenly. Of course I had always hoped he would be coming home and life would have resurmed as before. In my case though, it would never have been the same because he had become paralyzed from the waste down, for the most part. I would still trade everything to have him back with me again. It's been 9 months and still still have to hold back tears at least once a day. I don't think some things will ever get repaired. I also find it hard making major decisions without having feedback from someone else. I finally bought a new washer, long after the old one should have been replaced. It's being delivered tomorrow. I got a bigger one so I won't have to go to the laundromat for comforters, but it almost seems a waste, since there's only me the rest of the time. I just won't be doing very many full loads in it. We got the old one shortly after we were married. It's 16 1/2 years ago. The balance was totally shot, and I finally notice it was starting to leak, so I was forced to do something. As far as caulking goes, the caulking guns are very easy to load. It just takes alot of practice to use them and have it look good. I have been using one for window glazing for quite awhile, since all the glazing is starting to crack off my old windows. It never looks as good as when someone who knows what they're doing, would do it, but the glass is secure and I can paint it, eventually. I've been painting the trim on our house for about 7 years now. One of these days a may actually make it all the way around. Boy, thank you Kat for starting this post. It has really taken on a life of it's own. I know we all feel support here for even our smallest victories. I know women who can do it all, and almost feel like you're whining if you say that you can't figure out something. It's nice to feel support, without judgement here. PK

We did e-mail the town and my neighbor took pictures to show just how bright it was. Well the light on the corner of their property they added something to direct the light and it's much better now. It's a little bright in the back yards because the light on the other side of their parking lot it still shining over the fence. What I can't figure out, is if they close at 9 p.m., why are the lights still bright at 11:30 p.m. They were supposed to turn them down after closing. Furkid

Good on ya!

Wow, that was some story! Congratulations on your success. Bats are really hard to catch. I'm not bothered as much by rodents. Plus having 3 cats and 4 ferrets in the house, no self-respecting rodent would come near. Spiders on the other hand . . . . . . . I would have had the same reaction if it were related to spiders. My sister once said that everyone has something that gives them the heebeegeebees. for me it's spiders. For my sister, it was snakes, of course she lives in Texas, so most of their snakes are probably poisonous. For you Kat, it's bats and rodents. If it had been a regular rodent, your dog could have probably taken care of it for you, but with a flying one . . . . I can almost picture the pandemonium going on.

Bats are great if you live in an area with mosquitos. I could used about 10 more of them around my house in the summer.