Babs11

Sharon3, I so much agree with you..and everything you feel..No one understands the loss of a spouse..it is so different from a divorce..because we also grieve for the one who lost their own life on this earth...with their family...It is not about us..all the time..it is about a Life Cut Short..it is about a person who deserved to be here.. I would take a divorce over Death of a Spouse any day..this has been the total worst year of my 43 yrs..and I don't wish this for anyone..and especially my Best Friend..who deserves to enjoy this Earth..because he was too young to go to the next "Plane".. Love and Peace, Babs.

Marty T, Thank you for forwarding this to all of us and giving us the opportunity to be part of this research..This research is so important..to possibly help us along better, to understand other peoples needs and grief..to help the next generation along..thank you for allowing us the opportunity to be part of a research that hasn't been given enough attention to.. ..I hope you all participate.. Love and Peace, Babs.

Wow, Sue Did your Dale have an accident on the job or an illness? Either way that is shocking..I am so sorry.. It weird that you mentioned you felt like you were watching yourself in a movie..I think that is how I feel now.. I get this weird kind of "floating feeling" at times..it is strange but I don't know how else to describe it.. Probably the full impact is hitting home and so comes another "stage"..I wish you the best.. Love and Peace, Babs.

Sue, When you say you have been without your Soul Mate for over 5mos..It sounds like yesterday to me..I too am in "Rewind" mode alot..I don't even try to go there is just happens as I try to go about everyday life..but David was such a huge part of it..I have to plan for a Senior High School Graduation..this year was the big one for us as in Just Hearing our Sons name called and watching him get his Diploma and continue on to Great Things..I know my Husband will be there in "Spirit" but I really need him Physically...I completely understand how you feel..sounds silly but there are days that I am trying to get stuff done and I just keep thinking "Are you Kidding, God?" Or "Oh,My God David"! My son and I have gone through so many challenges since he has been gone..and He would be the one to tell me, "Everything is going to be ok, just Breath"..I do try to do that but sometimes it is so hard to catch my breath...I walk our dog several times a day..and will just stand in try to take in the Wind and Air and just Breath..So I guess what I am trying to say to you is just keep trying...I am not a Grief Counselor or Social Worker of Such..I am just like you a person who struggles to deal with this and I guess I can not ever make sense of it..and I never thought I would be here at this point in my life..sharing so much with others...I believe in after life and we will see the one we love again..but I struggle with the fact that it won't be the same..I can only hope it is better..and I too Miss my Best Friend. Love and Peace, Babs..(Dawn)

Hi, Everyone, I love the diversity with the different types of music Our Partners Loved and Us...The stories that go with the songs touch me deeply.. On a light note..My husbands first experience with my Love of Music was when I made him sit through the movie "Endless Love" and then proceeded to blat when they played that Song at the End..I still can vision how patient he was...now I get it, He probably was hoping if he stuck it out He would get "A little Love" Ha.. ..then I tried to get him Hooked on Music from "Grease"..(I just got laughed at there)..so it was no surprise to Him when I fell for the songs from "Dirty Dancing"..Then finally we were on the same page with the music from the movie "The Big Chill".. I will never forget when we were out and Journeys, "Forever Yours" played and He told me this is our song.."No matter what"..or when we were having drinks (long before my Child Bearing Days) and Rod Stewart came on and I sang into his ear, "Your in My Heart, Your In My Soul..Your My Lover and My Best Friend".."To this day those words live on".. Blessings to You All, Your Partners...and Our Songs.. Love and Peace, Babs.

Songs...I think this has been my favorite topic...Your words..and the words you have used for Your Best Friends..are so BEAUTIFUL...the Songs, The Writers and How It Has Played a Part in Our Lives Now...A place where we can all connect in some way.. Susie Q.."If Tomorrow Never Comes"..Wow.. Sharon3 and Kath..Louis Armstrong..How Beautiful is He... Korina..Pink Panther and a Jazz Band..How much Fun..and How Beautiful to have the Song Scott loved Sung to Him.. Mlg..Wilson/Phillips song..I hope when you hear it "You can Sing" Hikedenali..REO Speedwagon..Yup..My Husband and I saw them in concert way back when...Not his favorite but couldn't get those words out of my head when I heard it...Thank you... Caroline..It is not just about Book Clubs anymore..Your Idea is Wonderful..Please come to my town! ..I think it would be Awesome to continue this..or more things on What My Husband or Wife Loved... Love and Peace, Babs.

I am Blessed, ...I was praising you and you truly are blessed..to be able to have the moments of contentment...I admire that and it makes me happy to know even for One day..some Darkness is lifted from your life..I just don't understand why I can't get to that place..Many People are Spiritual..Have Faith..and Pray..I admire a Person who can take a Challenge (if that is what this is) or Tragedy and still make a better day for this World at least Their self and Share that.. ...I have had some really "Strong Signs" from the "After Life" or Maybe My Husband..(and with all my Heart and Soul believe I will be with Him again)..so I would think this would make me feel some kind of contentment but I still can't find the Peace..that is what I mean by Spirituality..I thought if I pray harder..try to connect better I would get the enlightenment that I so desire...I don't even feel like it has been 7 mos..my Heart tells me so..but it still feels like maybe a month ago..Reading other blogs is very Inspiring..I love to hear Aomeone is having a Good Day or week because it does give me encouragement and it also helps to hear the different "steps" others are going through..My husbands death was totally unexpected..So this is like learning a New Language..Confusing.. Love and Peace, Babs.

ARiddle729, I have not felt this and it has been over 6mos..I too have prayed and had prayers sent to me..and I am a Very Strong Believer in Faith..and Love..and Spirituality...I am happy that you have found what helps you... Love and Peace, Babs.

TODAY WAS A QUIET DAY FOR REFLECTION and this was my BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME...and NOW A WISH FOR YOU ALL..through a Hard Month for Many: LET ME NOT LOSE IT Let me gain wisdom-- And I don't want to lose it Let me stand strong, tall and wise Let me not be a broken arrow, A broken sword, a broken dagger, Let me not wallow in despair Let me not lose it. The strongest part of my heart The strongest part of my will Let me not be a weakened soul, Left to whimper-- To shed deep tears down yonder stream Let me not fall, and lay down and weep Let me gain wisdom Let me not lose it. Let me over come obstacles Let me rise up to see the dawn of a new day Let me not sleep, let me shine among the great And let me be wise always Let me not lose it. by Andrea R.M. Fletcher..... THANK YOU FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIPS..LOVE AND PEACE..BABS.

Hi, I read your entry and really wanted to respond..You have every right to feel angry and hurt..This is Your Mom.. I am sorry that Your Mom did not get the respect she deserved when she passed by some..I do believe when she passed she was met with Loving Arms and Now Feels More Love and Warmth than Ever..and She Smiles Upon You so Lovingly for standing up for Her...Protecting Her..Because of Unconditional Love when others pass Your Mom will be there to meet them and for a second they will have to feel the shame of their behavior..Her Life wasn't a waste and She does know that and I hope you also do..She may have deserved more in Life but in Death She has and is being Rewarded for every Loving thing she has done and wanted to do..I truly believe this..Love and Peace to You and Your Mom..Babs

Hi, RJ I too feel like it was Yesterday..and I look at the Calendar and it tells me something completely different.. Losing Your Best Friend and Partner is so Hard..We also met at a Young Age..Had our one and only child at 24yrs.. I go three or four steps forward then at least five back..So now I have to "Gain Ground Again". I can't imagine in August it will be one Year..when you Mark time I thought it was suppose to be a Milestone..Maybe someday it will again... I am sorry for your pain and although you can't be with "The One You Desire the Most" You will find Here People who do understand the Most.. I wish you; Love and Peace, Babs.

Jeanne, First of all I Appreciate your kind and thoughtful words..and I have already seen conflict on this site.. I don't think asking someone who is on a Spousal Bereavement Site if they are in a "Hit On Situation" and basically is there "Bad Feelings" because of it..I have no Idea where that comment came from and It is In appropriate and I am not afraid to speak my mind...This was said in Open Forum and I have every right to respond..If the responder read by entries they would know my Name I have posted many entries here..If your going to respond then read it all and know what you are talking about. I don't come to this site looking for conflict..just the opposite.. Babs

First of all Vickie...My name on this Site is not....Babbs. I do not know who Ron is personally and I have no problems with Him or His Entries. As for the "Intimacy" comment, I was stating the fact that I and My Husband no Longer can share Intimacy and it doesn't have to be SEXUAL to be INTIMATE..So sorry you Misunderstand this..I don't need sex with my Husband to be Intimate..Your well thought out comment "Did Ron Hit it on Me"? How is that possible when You are All a Time Zone Away. You openly disrespected Ron, My Son and MySelf..My Husband is Dead.. and Marty can speak for herself if she thinks I have been not been Respectable to Her which I have never meant to..I find her Knowledge and Beauty another Hand from God. I can't believe that I reach out for help and do the best to offer it and I get Slammed.. Babs.

Wow, John..I didn't see that one coming.. I often think why am I giving more than I can Honestly Handle..and I read your post..Man..You are also Another Strong Individual that I have met..I am So..So..Sorry for this Journey..because it has ALot of Questions??? I am by no way a Counselor just a Friend who has already experienced A Lifetime of Challenges(and this has been going on before my Husband passed).so I speak from what I Hear and What I Feel..and I Hope It Does One Person Good..Even for the Moment..Because you all Help Me Also... What I can tell you and with not much Justification is that sometimes this World Just Wears People Out..I have found much Spirituality over the years and feel there is more to this and sometimes "We Just Need to Go Home" I won't put too much of that on you in case you don't believe in Life after Death..but I have some really good Websites and Research concerning this.. As I am writing this, I wonder is this better as a Private Conversation but I am here so I will follow through and Openly send..Of course your Lost and By the way you are in no way Rambling..I feel lost all the time right now..Amazing..What you all continue to give and what Kind Souls You Are..I have never been more Spiritual or talked of "My God" than in the last 5mos..I have proof..There is more Life.. John..Your wife had some stuff to work through and needs more help "There than Here"..She told you She Loves You and I know she means that with every ounce of Her Soul..Forgive Her..let Her Heal from Pains that have nothing to do with your Life..and Know when you meet again it will be Complete..Sounds Easy..I know. I too struggle.. Love and Peace, John and Wishing You Sweet Dreams. Babs.

I don't know, Kath.. That is now the New Question I ask of Myself.. Love and Peace, Babs.

Ron, OMG.. With that I Sincerely Hope what Your Are Saying is "Bring Some Wood also and Together We Will Build a Swing" because I wouldn't mind Swaying With the Breeze Also..and With A Friend.. Love and Peace..Ron. Babs

Kathy, When I read your response I felt like I wanted to cry for You, Me and Everyone else who has to deal with uncertainty of our situations..the moods, the loneliness.. at times the anger..then comes the laughter for a little bit and as fast as it comes and goes..for now anyway.. ..We are doing things now that we wouldn't have imagined years ago..Belonging to Grief Groups..Trying to connect to the "Spirit World" to Research things we may have not given to much thought to...To try to Be the Strong One but really deep inside feel like the Smallest Person in The Group at times.. ..I have dealt with more things in the last 5mos that would take normally Five Years or Maybe a Lifetime for some.. On top of the fact I have not had any Intimacy for over 5mos..I have had more Financial problems that I can comprehend on top of trying to Give the Love and Support I need to with Our Son but Inside feel like a Very Broken Women at This Time..I know I need to keep moving but Somedays my Legs just don't want too..I feel like I am an Ocean away from my Son..and I think He is harder on Me now than ever..He is our Only Child..and My Baby and that really Hurts sometimes..and I need to Have Patience and I think this is One of My Biggest Lessons and Challenges.. ..After my Husband passed I felt extremely Angry and Lashed out very quickly..If you didn't "Get Me" I let you know it right away..I try real hard now to think it through before I respond and when I do, Most of the Time I back what I Say and I Stand by How and What I Feel.. I have told you all before that I remember thinking, "How can you take My Husband and Leave some of these Crappy People Here?", I remember driving one day and thinking "I Hate People, I Really Do"..I feel bad about those feelings but they were there and at the time I did mean them. I know "My God" Forgives Me and Understands and Expected It from Me..So I continue to Try..Just Like You All. I Think One of Readers was in the Stage of Anger..Not Feeling Understood..and Feeling Like They Were continually being slammed back to the pavement..I think one of the stages we deal with is a very low Tolerance and Easily Aggravated.. It is not Personal..and when You are part of a Group or A Family is where you tend to "Let it Loose" My Family has seen this within Me and I am Grateful that they still continue to Talk to Me (Ha) I am not pleased with this thought but I probably will be quick to speak again at some point..as I work through this process..this very Unfamiliar Road. (As I am writing I have the TV on and on this show came a "Groovy Song" and I just visualized "Swaying to the Beat with My Husband"..Yes, I just felt alittle bit of Anger and alot of Sadness...(within that One Moment)...Kathy.. I wish we could just meet for awhile and quietly Talk..About our Lives, our Loves, our Family..the Past, the Present and the Future..I wish many of us can meet but for now we do it through here and other sites..we come together and we be Who we are In the Moment..I am glad that we share..Even though it may sound Negative "Our Raw Emotions" are Real and it can turn something Positive.. Dumb as it sounds, Thank you..Ron,Kathy, Marsha and Susie Q for not being Perfect and willing to share Your Truth at the Time..It helps Me to Grow and Be Stronger..Thank you to All.. Love and Peace, Babs ps Kathy...YOU ARE VERY BRAVE!! and Your feedback whether you agree with my posts or not mean Everything to Me..I value your Opinion and Your Honesty..and you are not alone when it comes to the loneliness..It brings me to My Knees also..I relate so much!! and Most importantly Your Husband Knows you are Brave and also does "Your God"...You do Have a Story and It is Very Important. also if anyone finds the time to read or Calmness to try to read: "Follow the River" by James Alexander Thom Author of "Warrior Woman"..It is a Real Life story dating back to 1755 about a women named Mary Ingles. Even though it is not exactly what we are all going through it is about a Very Strong Person who Overcomes Many Challenges..I think many will enjoy it and maybe find strenght from the story..Books of all types are my Strength and I look forward to the time when I can utilize them in my Journey also.. Sorry so long and Thanks to You All who have Hung Out to The End..

Amen.

Kathy, I did not mean to be rude..and We are all Appreciate a Place to Talk...I am playing the Devil Advocate...I find that wording so funny...A Relative told that to my Husband during a deep conversation that he was "Playing the Devil's Advocate" (I remember the look on Dave's face) The Devil's Advocate just met his Maker...ha... We all have different feelings here and also so many of the same..so.so..many..Marty has her hands full with so many different types of personalities...that is the thing...in so many ways we share the experiences but just like a tree..We have branched out in so many directions and together we feed the EARTH...or it feeds US. Love and Peace, Babs **I would also like to add that Marty needs to "Analyze" the conversations for she has opened her Heart and Her Knowledge and this Web Site... and put aside her Friendship she has a Duty to make sure that People who visit and correspond to this website are SAFE..**So please understand her position as well... Peace and Love. Babs

Kathy, If you read Behaviors in Bereavement...I think that fits.

OK EVERYONE, I can see that as far I have been on this site (not that long 5mos)..This is the first Family Quarrel... I can see both sides to this issue..just like I always do and just like I did when my Husband and I were having a debate..I am going to keep Personal feelings out of this... ..If your needs are not being met then Ron you need to find a site or a group where they will..I spare my feelings here openly and look for love and encouragement and a kind word or just to have someone who has the "littlest" idea of how I feel and understand How Big My Love is and respond back..I try to offer Humor, Love and the Best to my entries because I sincerely mean them and the Pain that I feel is not anything that I wish on anyone..If I am having a bad day..It the stress, loneliness, financial, having to be Mom and Dad now...to a 18 yr old Son who graduates this year and will be going to college gets to me and I am sad..I have the right to be "Depressed and Low" and it doesn't mean I am not a POSITIVE PERSON...If I have to try to fill the void of every conversation with his "Son" that said..."I LOVE YOU SON".or His Multiple times a day said.."HI, Pal"..or the card I found right after he Passed that declared His Unconditional Love for our Son..(and I will post it because it is the most beautiful card I've read)..Unfortunately, Grief is not Pretty or at times Hopeful and certainly not Peaceful .. That is why it is called the "Grim Reaper" and it turns the most BEAUTIFUL people into something Unknown... Forums are for people to express themselves Good, Bad and Indifferent and Unfortunately not everyday we feel like writing an inspiring POEM or a Telling the World that "THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE" this is Grief and and you know what......"IT STINKS"...and the saying, "S____s's to Be You...You Got that Right.. Love and Peace, Let's try to understand one another better..We were given the Strength to Reach Out. Babs.

OK EVERYONE, I can see that as far I have been on this site (not that long 5mos)..This is the first Family Quarrel... I can see both sides to this issue..just like I always do and just like I did when my Husband and I were having a debate..I am going to keep Personal feelings out of this... ..If your needs are not being met then Ron you need to find a site or a group where they will..I spare my feelings here openly and look for love and encouragement and a kind word or just to have someone who has the "littlest" idea of how I feel and understand How Big My Love is and respond back..I try to offer Humor, Love and the Best to my entries because I sincerely mean them and the Pain that I feel is not anything that I wish on anyone..If I am having a bad day..It the stress, loneliness, financial, having to be Mom and Dad now...to a 18 yr old Son who graduates this year and will be going to college gets to me and I am sad..I have the right to be "Depressed and Low" and it doesn't mean I am not a POSITIVE PERSON...If I have to try to fill the void of every conversation with his "Son" that said..."I LOVE YOU SON".or His Multiple times a day said.."HI, Pal"..or the card I found right after he Passed that declared His Unconditional Love for our Son..(and I will post it because it is the most beautiful card I've read)..Unfortunately, Grief is not Pretty or at times Hopeful and certainly not Peaceful .. That is why it is called the "Grim Reaper" and it turns the most BEAUTIFUL people into something Unknown... Forums are for people to express themselves Good, Bad and Indifferent and Unfortunately not everyday we feel like writing an inspiring POEM or a Telling the World that "THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE" this is Grief and and you know what......"IT STINKS"...and the saying, "S____s's to Be You...You Got that Right.. Love and Peace, Let's try to understand one another better..We were given the Strength to Reach Out. Babs.

Hi, John ..You reached out to your Friends on this site and here you can speak your feelings, say your beloved ones name over and over and ask for help..and just let it out. When you feel alone although we may not be with you to hold your hand and give you a hug..we can offer you advise and we can listen..and we send you our prayers and the strength to help you HOLD ON... ..I have not gone to a Counseling Session or Grief Group in my area yet but I need to..There are just days that our overwhelming and I just need to make it through..to be able to let go of some of the fear and anxiety.. ..Everyone's comments to you have so much validation and I can completely relate to Kathy's.. ..If you can't get things done and just need to sit..then it is ok...I do that also..I try to clean then sometimes I just sit down and just sit and look around and think..I can't help it I just need to do that..I use to be me own worse enemy who if I didn't do what was expected or I thought I should do felt horrible about myself..Now I just tell myself "I just can't right now or maybe not today" ..Your feelings are Truly Validated..You are Missing the Love of Your Life and John you should find Peace in the fact that you are a Loving Husband so you can't help but feel any other way at times.. ..Even though we can not give you the "Quick Fix" Pain, Grief and Loss Pill..(another story) we can be your friend.. You will always find "at least" One Person here who understands, will offer Hope and Love and a Friendship.. I think you are a very Strong Person for sharing your feelings... Peace and Love John...One day, One minute and One task at a time.. Babs.

MartyT, Thank you so much for the links..I too have been looking for tools to help me move forward and be able to write, to share my journey and to connect with those who are on their own..This is very inspiring. Babs.

Hi, Sherry I dislike winter also! Yes, Your Harry is proud and helps guide you towards the plans that you had...I hope you are still finding your way, "In the South".. ..The book I often think of that I mentioned, Follow the River. My husband read it first and then gave it to me to read..I often think of the story when I am out walking our dog..Sometimes I am on trails and sometimes next to streams and also to the Hudson River that we live by..and I think about "Mary Ingles" who walked along way to find her Husband and Family again...This is a story of a very Brave, Hard Driven women who would not be Beaten..She walked thousands of miles to find her family again..I guess that may be what we are all trying to accomplish.. Warmth and Sunshine to you always and on all your Journeys.. Love and Peace, Babs