Elaine M

Maggie, I am so sorry I have had the same devastation in my life too. Last year 09 I was going to visit my girlfriend in Florida but when I pulled her up in Google I pulled her obituary She had just committed suicide the week before. Then my dad (90) died Oct 4 while I was visiting him. He died while I was holding his hand. The after a terrible christmas, My Beloved Cat Rocky got killed by a car, I let him out I usually kept him in. Then Mar 24 I was visiting my sister she had cancer and died while I was there with her. I was so messed up I could not work or think. I am still affected by all of this. I place no importance in THINGS. I dont care if I stay married or divorce. I dont care if I work or not or where I live or anything. I have cancelled vacations and affairs that I have to socialize with people. I take one death at a time and work on it. That is all I can do. THe pain does soften. GOD Bless You.

Kay Glad to hear your pet is doing better. I havent been on been busy but thought of you and your pet often. I am sorry to hear that Jims Mom died. that must have been very stressful for him and his family this is always a difficult time. Even though all this is going on in your life I wish you a happy birthday Kay, May all good things come to you. You are a wonderful friend and good person. God Bless You Elaine

Kay I wish I could say something that would ease your pain I think of you every day and pray that you will be relieved of these recent sorrows When someone is going through grief, and sorry over a loss regardless of what type of loss, it seems that there are no words that help. I hope yur dog is doing better. You are in my thoughts Kay God Bless

Dear Kay I frequent these posts, and have come to know and think warmly of you. I am sorry for all of your struggles in life, But Kay You are not alone, I am married and sometimes feel lonely and depressed. Like -- why is this relationship the way it is. Some would say I was lucky, I dont feel lucky I feel alone. I would leave him but then I would really be alone and by the way I would not be able to support myself like you. This is my second marriage and the relationships between the marriages. They all seemed to end like yours, I would be devasted when I would lose a special relationship reliving what he said why did he leave I gave my all I loved him I would have done anything he said we would be together for always etc etc etc!!! This past year has been hard you have read that I lost my friend to suicide, my dad in Oct, My beloved pet Rocky in Jan and My sister to cancer in March, Now I took my son to college, he wont be home because he plays basketball and cant leave Sooooo I am getting to the point In Feb I went to a counselor with my husband, during these sessions I realized that I was a co-dependent. That means that I have worked to make everything around me to be what I wanted it to be, I , kay , cant leave well enough alone, I am kind and considerate and do everything for my SO And when he doesnt do the same or behave the way I think he should it is upsetting to me. But that type of behavior for me is controlling, as in controlling my life, making it what I want and maybe sometimes controlling others around me, even though I dont think so I think I am doing everthing for the good of everyone around me. So what I have come to learn in these past 6 months, is that this is my life, not my husbands, or anyone elses. I must first understand me, why I do the same things over and over,why all my relationships ended the same way, why my husband needs to do what I want him to do and not what he wants to do. I realized after 57 yrs that its me I need to look inside me and if I want things to be different then I have to change. So I dont check up on my husband, or call him to see where he is, it is hard but I dont. I set my own schedule and do what I want. I dont ask him whyabout anything expect our business, I am becoming a stronger person, looking inside. What he does is his business and not mine, he is his own person and I cant control him, When I started to practice these things I almost died, I cried and got mad and was just literally majorly ticked off, but now I am relaxed and feel what will come will come. I try not to worry and trust that this is the plan that the Lord meant for me. I take each day and feel blessed that I am healthy and have two wonderful kids and 5 adorable cats. I have a roof over my head and a job, What I am trying to say is that i am like you, I tried soo hard in some realtionships and they just fell apart, I didnt understand why they didnt love me anymore and the way I loved them. Why me and I was the only one alone I think you are a wonderful loving and kind person, and the person that you had in your life should have felt very lucky I am not saying he didnt deserve you but you deserve a lot more. Be kind to your self and your pet. Take each day like a new day in your life. fifty more years ahead and they will be wonderful for you we never know what the Lord has planned for us. Just when you least expect it someone wonderful will be in your life, so instead of being sad now, and I having been there know, take each day with a new breath. Plan your week, your month. Keep busy, take a class. put yourself out there. Who knows what will happen. Be kind to yourself, Keep the good habits and change the bad. We are all here for you. You have so many wonderful friends here supporting you Kay, I will keep you in my prayers Your friend Elaine

Dear Kat I will join in and say I am sad also. My friend committed suicide last May 2009, I lost my dad Oct 4 My beloved Rocky, by accident and let him out he was only 2 (a black tux cat )and I promised him we would grow old together, (we won't) He was hit by a car Jan 15, and my sister died of cancer March 14, I cry every every day I read all of these posts and am too sad to post. I have had a tough year, now my son who is 19 is going to college Aug 18, I am really sad becaus we are very very close.He will be playing basketball and will not be able to come home like regular kids, My daughter 21 comes home and fights with me all day I cant wait til she goes back to college. I thought I would feel a bit bettr by now, but I was up until 4 am last night crying, you are not alone in your sadness. We have book Clubs, Athletic Clubs, every kind of club you can think of , Welcome to the Sadness Club. I cant seem to cancel my membership, they keep me on, whether i like it or not. I hope you start to try to feel better, I had cats and dogs die after a long happy life, you did a good job and he must have been very happy just as your husband. Time will heal you. When mine died after a long life I was sad for a while but knew I gave them my best and loved them vey much. That made sense to me and I felt better. It was nature and bound to happen we all die, but when they are taken quickly and unexpectedly I realize that it is a terrible guilt left on your heart, as I have left on mine. Take care, i will be thinking of you Elaine m

[Renee My heart is breaking again as I read your post. I am so sorry about your beloved Cal, from your post I know you loved him very much and will miss him. I have the same story as you, Renee, I too had lost my Dad, Oct 4, 2009. He was 90 and was special to me the last 5 years we had become very close since he was in an assisted living home near me. He was getting sick and we knew it was his time. My mom past in 1987. I have adaughter and son, who went with me all the time. They are 21 and 19 respectively. I took in a Female stray in 08 and she had 5 kittens I kept 3 Rocky, Socks, and Monkey Face, I alsokept the mom. Rocky became very specialhelping me through difficult times, waiting for me in bed I also sleep alone because my husband snores and wakes me up. so it ws me and Rocky, He was the love of my life ( my furbaby) He was a beautiful Tuxedo. 20 lbs and so loving.he slept on his back next to me every night. I didnt like to let themout but they loved being outside and we are on 4 acres of woods. On Jan 15, I made the terrible, regretful mistake of letting himand Socks out. Socks came back I found Rocky the next day on the road and it isnt even close tomy home. i dont know what he was doing there. I have been and still am sick in my heart, I cry every day. Hiding it from everyone. I cried today and my husband asked me what was wrong. My life seems dark now since the light in it went out the day i found my friend. I am sick and there is a pain inside that wont stop. I know the guilt you feel, I feet it too. I have had many pets, some live til they were 17 , 15, 13, etc. They all died v\pretty old. But this guy, he was so special. He was only 2 I cant even look at his pictures or write anything about him. So Renee you are not alone. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I hope your heart mends. Your friend Elaine M

Dear Ronniej I am not on the posts much,First i want to say that I am truly sorry and saddened by your loss. My heart feels for you and I will keep you and your family Ronnie in my prayers I have had losses this past year. My dad in October, My cat in Jan and My sister Mar 14. With my three losses in a row, it was hard to catch my breath. But nothing could compare to the loss of a child. I have been reading some books and I am reading one called"The Grief Club" by Melody Beattie. She too lost a child, a boy age 12 in a skiing accident. I know this will not ease your pain but maybe when you can, find time to read this book. It is about the grief in all of us. NO ONE is exempt from grief of some sort. It will make you feel you are not alone. Again, the pain from the loss of a child can not be compared to anything I have known, please keep posting on the board, everyone is experiencing a loss and you will find friends and comfort here. God Bless you and your family, Elainem

Thanks Peggy and everyone who is thinking of me I just came home from the funeral parlor It was satisfying to know I helped Bill yesterday and we are through the first day. My sister looked rested and peaceful. My husband and children were there and a comfort. I am sorry Peggy that you lost your sister also. Being separated by miles is difficult. I lived in NC for 5 years while my dad and sister lived here in MD. So I am familiar with long distance worry.I am also so sorry to hear about your pet, so sudden. My Rocky was hit by a car he would have been 2 on March 27th. He was my comfort, my companion. I still feel guilty letting him out. I miss him. I miss my dad, and now I am missing my sister. My life has truly changed. Since I am the last one, I am confused and dont know what dirction I should go. I am so use to taking care of children, my dad and my sister, I am sort of lost. The caregiver with no one to care for. Elaine

Hello Everyone, I have been on this site before, to grieve my pet Rocky, 1/15/10 and my Dad 10/04/09 so with heavy heart I am grieving my sisters death today from a 6 yr battle with cancer She was 68 on Jan 10th. She struggled with colon cancer, spreading to uterine, and liver, and the last two years her lungs, she gave a good battle and leaves a son. His dad died in 1978 at the age of 35. So I am crying for my dad, and crying for my cat, Rocky, who was a terrific comfort and friend during this time and now I am grieving my only sister. So here I am No more connections no one left. I again have to take charge and help my nephew with the process. I am not that strong. I am still grieving and it is cummulative. Although, my dad was 90 when he passed and a pistol, my sister was an angry woman because she was left a widow at 35 with an 8 year old child, she never got over that and let everyone know it for 32 years. I loved her and had a hard time with her because what ever i did I felt criticized for it and felt she was jealous over my good fortune, that is husband and children and fairly good life. I could hardly visit her this last year she was so difficult, I believe because everyone else or so she thought was healthy and happy and she was sick. I am sorry for a sister that i never had. A sister that i would do things with and someone to talk to. She only want to give me orders. I felt that I, 10 years younger than her, had to take on all the family business. I take care of my dads home, his funeral details, his insurance, his life insurance, Va Insurance, taxes, getting home rented, everything, everything, not to mention my husband, 2 kids, a custom home building business working as a realtor and parttime sales, and just trying to have personal time. Now I will help her son with hers, he has no Idea what to do. I will help gladly with a heavy heart. I am drained, I am a walking zombie, My husband said he was tired of the snow, What Snow? I have been in limbo and dont remember Dec, Jan, or Feb I dont know where I am half the time missing exits, appointments, work, I am empty. I have no feelings. What am I going to do. Where will I get the strength to go on. Does anyone know where I am? I don't. Elaine

Elizabeth It was good hearing from you. Yes the pain is unbearable, and moreso each day. I wake up each day looking for him, thinking this is all a dream. But, it isn't. So I have tried to keep busy, I am painting my office and putting up all my furbabies pictures in black frames with white backgrounds. I am having a hard time with getting them printed. I loved them all so. I believe I bonded with Rocky because my dog passed in Dec 2007 and I swore i would take in no more animals. Then when Sophie, the mother showed up pregnant, I took her in. It was Rocky that I named first and told my husband I would give some away but not him. He has been by myside eversince. The others dont really come around like he did. My son gave me bubble bath, I loved bubble bath, for Valentinees Day, I cried. Reason, Rocky always followed me to the tub and sat there and played in the bubbles. I would blow them and put them on his face he was so adorable. He would swing his paws in the bubbles. I can no longer take a bubble bath, I returned the gifts today. I went to work today for a few hours and still cried. I drive at night and think what stupid person would leave their pets out in the cold, to get run over by a car. I dont see any other animals on the roads. Just mine!!! I have lost other furbabies, my first furbaby < Nicky, was 17 and ran out of the door, I had my daughter she was 3 months, and coulnt run after him. He always hung around the house, but that night he didnt show up. That was Jan 10, 1989. Never saw him again. I also lost my Aunt Cassie, that night and had a company cruise for that weekend. And we were moving on the 30th about 50 miles away. I was a virtural basket case. My Spooky, a siamese, whom I found in 1974, and was about 4 or 5 at that time, died the day I moved from mty apartment to my new townhome that was August 30, 1985.I could not unpack for weeks, The in October of 1985 my Sabrina died of Kidney disease. I had the vet put her to sleep. I buried her in my yard. Then there was Zorro, 1992-2005 died of heart failure in my arms. Nikki my dog, 1992-2007 also died in my arms. All these pets i did my best i took care of them and watched over them. But as I write this, very theraputic I must say, I did let Nicky out, I did let Zorro out and NiKKi always went out back and did not wander. They all were protected by God, and if he wanted them he would have taken them, he certainly had the opportunity. I guess I took it for granted, that they were all protected. Mine would never be killed unexpectedly. So when Rocky was killed I cant get this feeling from enveloping me. I dont want to pray, I didnt go get ashes, I havent been to church, I am just existing. No wants or needs, no feeling. Just numb. I am reading Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates. The truth is I dont want Rocky in the next life I want him back now. I want to run my hand over his beautiful ebony fur, and look into his green eyes and kiss his paws. I miss him terribly. I dont care If I get sick from crying, in fact i am sick now. I can take no more pain. The only thing tht keeps me going is that i have my older children and the rest of my pets. What would happen to them. Have you been on Petloss.com/chat room. Every night and day, there are many many people who have lost a loved pet. I am finding it very comforting to listen to others wer are all experiencing the same thing. Dear Elizabeth hope to see you there. Elaine

Ear Trina, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your grief and you have come to the right place. You sound like me. Your situation is very similar to mine. I know you did the best thing for your Scilla. She was sick and that is hard to take. To watch your beloved pet go through pain and suffering is unbearable to say the least. She is isn't in any more pain. Unfortunately, those left behind bear the heartbreak and pain to go on without our "life lines". I have had pets in the past. Most died of old age, or a sickness (My Zorro, 13yr. 12/8/05 heart disease). He cried like that and I was beside myself. I was extremely upset and cried for months, but I also had Nikki my dog, she was my soul mate. She got sick on 7/7/07 and I think she had a stroke, but I kept vigil on her for 6 months. She seemed to get better a little bit. On Dec 22, 2007 she go up to go out, I slept on the sofa near her because she couldnt take the stairs anymore, she went out was in a daze, came in and collapsed. I layed with her and she died 7:40 am in my arms. I loved her so, I carried her to the back of the pickup truck we were going to take her to the vet to be cremated, I was so distrought, when they came to get her, and took her away, my husband said ok were going to SAMS now for groceries. I hated him for that and always will. We dont sleep together either, he snores, leaves the tv on all night plus the lights. I have my own room. When Nikki died I still had Zoey a 5 yr old tortie and Bob a 15 yr old rescue from woods. Then I found a Calico, I named her Sophie and she soon like 5 days later became a mother to 5 beautiful kittenson 3/27/08. I didnt want the kittens but they soon captured my heart. I decided to give a couple away and keep 2 or 3 of the kittens. One special kitten was a tuxedo black oh so beautiful and loving, I named him Rocky. He was a rock like 20 lbs and all over me all the time. so loving and snuggling. I would wait in my bedroom at night,hurry up I think he would be thinking. He took all the pain and grief I had from my Nikki passing. He listened to me cry at night and was a comfort to me. He was my life line. Well we live in the woods, but there are roads around, but like over our expansive front you can only see the tops of the cars. we are tucked away on 4 acres. my husband didnt want the cats in the house all the time. "Let them out they like to be out" So he would feed them in the morning and let the newer ones out, Sophie, Rocky, Socks and Monkey Face. Bob and Zoey stayed in. So they got use to staying out and running around the house. On the 15th of January Rocky and Socks darted out the door. I did let them go, I could have stopped them. I should have stopped them. Socks came home at 9 30 but there was no Rocky. i thought he would be back soon. I found him all the way up on the road the next day, he had been hit by a car. My Rocky is gone. He was only 2 years old and had a long life ahead of him with me. I am in pain and dealing with the marital crisis here is becoming unbearable. At least you took good care of your baby. You protected her and cared for her. I have to deal with the guilt of letting them out when I knew there was danger. I will never recover. So you see you are not alone, we are all grieving here. Some for pets, some for children, husbands,brothers, or sisters. We are all in pain. I dont know if this helped or not but to know you are not grieving by yourself helps. There is a chat room Petloss Chat room. Everyone there has the same feelings. You can find someone on most of the time at night mostly. There is a candlelight ceremony on Monday nights 10 eastern I know you will find consolation there. Be well my friend, Elaine

Elizabeth, Thank you for your story, I cant imagine losing 2 wonderful friends in one year. It was heartbreaking enough when you lost Chela but then Casper, I am so sorry, I know this must be difficult for you. I think fostering the puppies is a wonderful idea. It keeps you busy, you are helping our animal friends and that should at least make you feel a little better inside. I havent been on lately, I am trying to deal with this it has been 3 weeks today. The pain is heartwenching. As you see no faces in the window, i dont see my Rocky on his favorite sofa, He is not there when I take a bath, not there waiting for me in bed. Just not there. Elaine

I hear you plain and clear. I had to work the day i found Rocky, I stayed there 1/2 hr and had to leave. I work as a realestate agent and part-time sales in ladies clothing store. I cried all day Sat, Sun, Missed my sons basketball games, havent worn my contacts since it happened. My face has been so swollen at times I look like a monster. My heart bleeds inside , my nose is constantly bleeding, like blood is everywhere, when people arre talking to me, I am like in space, seeing my Rocky laying there on the side of the road. Can't anyone see what I see. My husband is tired of this today. I told him we are going to a counselor on Thurs. he can come or not. My dad died in Oct, the 4th to be exact, I handled the funeral, did what I had to do and said goodbye to him. I didnt have a bond, he didnt hear my sad stories or comfort me when i was sick or sad. He was never there. So, each day I pray that I feel better but I dont. Each day I look up accidents on the internet, and for a minute I dont feel so bad, then it washes over meagain. I dont want to be around anyone, I dont want to be with my husband, kids or co-workers. I havent gone into my realesate office since a couple of days before and my husband said today I needed to get with it, it s about time I went to work again. I have a huge lump in my throat,and a hole in my heart. I cant eat I have lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks, I eat to survive, I have thrown up and cant swallow my food so I spit it out. It stays in my throat. I take wine to sleep, or else I wake up like my heart is jumping out of my throat. I lay there for hours, tired the next day. I cant function either. I can feel what you are going through. Please, though, get your pets bowls dont throw them away, if you can get them back. Put them away. Put them in a box. One day you will put her things in there and remember them with very fond memories of the baby you called Maggie. I keep all my pets bowls and chains etc. I put them away and when I feel better I will get them together. As of yet I cant look at picktures of Rocky, but I know i will one day. The day when I can look and not breakdown in a mess of tears. God Bless you and comfort you and all those in pain today. See you in chat, Elaine

Christa You are right we are all in the same boat. Losing something so dear to us that it sends us in a tailspin. I have always had pets except for a three year period 1989-1992 that was when my Nicky,(17 yr cat) ran out of my home, I had a 3 month old daughter and I never saw him again. i looked and looked for him, everywhere, I believe he left to die. I had my daughter and husband, but grieving has to be delayed to take care of them.Even though I have a husband, he is never here. My daughter is now 21 and a Jr. away at college she may come home once a month and My son 18 1/2, plays basketball and has a girlfriend, he graduates this May and will be going to Seton Hill University in Pa. I am here all the time alone. I work two jobs and when I am home I am lonely. I have lived for my family that the only friends I have are my pets. I know your sorrow is so soon. It must have been hard to do that all by yourself and such a shock. I have bought the book, I think it is called cold noses at the pearly gates. I read it every night. Also, there is a pet loss chat room. it is not the angel chat but the Petloss.com room It is on the front where you click on the forums. I found it last week and it has helped me. You log in with your name you use here and everyone has a story. They are on every night. On Monday night there is a candle ceremony that is beautiful, this past monday was my first ceremony and believe me everynight you can talk your heart out and everyone has a similar story. Try it. Elaine

Thanks Christa, I am depressed today, because it has been 2 weeks, and it is snowing, Rocky and Socks loved the snow, we live on 4 acres and its all wooded, Iwas sure The cats stayed around the house. Bob who lived in woods for 10 years before I rescued him, never got hurt. he is 14 now and old and sickly because he lived outside most of his life. I think is am sick because on 12/22/07 my faithful dog Nikki died in my arms. She was my "soulmate" she did everything with me and my kids and was there as they grew up When she died I was heartbroken, I had Zoey she was 2 and of course Bob. Then in March of 08 I found a female calico I named her Sophie, on the 27th of March she had 5 kittens. I didnt want them I didnt want to get attached. i found homes for 3, took one back, Socks and knew I was keeping Rocky, Socks, and Monkey Face and the Mom, Sophie and of course Zoey and Bob As time went by so many cats in the house and we were in the woods my husband said let them out we have all this woods and trees thell stay around the house so I did and they did. They were only out a little each day in the am and sometime afternoon playing in the sun catching butterflies and of course lizards and bugs and an occasional bird. They loved it and ran like lightning to the door flying out when it was opened. Now zoey and Bob never went out. The cats layed on the porch on round beds,in the afternoon sun and climbed trees in my back. The three siblings hung around togheher while mom kept them in check.They were always in at night sleeping with me, or in their beds. But b ecause it has been cold they havnt been out as much and on that fateful nite the two boys charged the door and 5:30 we were leaving and I thought oh we will be gone a couple of hrs and they'll b e okay. But, I was wrong. I am angry because I didnt have him long and others have theirs for 15 years. And you are right, they do love the outdoors, I have to keep telling myself that it was not me but an accident. God wanted him, and that was it. Some people do things they love and unfortunately lose their lives doing something they love, We cant control everything. But u see I became so attached to Him, Rocky, he was so loving and I would come home and pick him up and tell him how much I loved him and how happy I was because of him. He made me forget the hurt from my Dog Nikki. He made me love again and want them. Now he is gone and I am sad once more. All theose memories of Nikki are back Socks looks a little like him, but he is not the same. Sophie is small and different, Zoey offstandish, Bob Sickly and layig on the sofa all day, and Monkey Face, doesnt like to be picked up. Sometimes i wish it was bob, he is old, and his time is near. rocky was too young. I will be sad with bob, but i will know I did everything for him and was good to him. He is even tame now. I have to remind my self that even Oprah with all her money couldnt save her Gracie when at 2 her golden retriever swallowed a small ball left by her cockerspaniel Sophie. One minute she was there and the next she was gone. and absolutely no money on earth could change that. Thanks for listening I know I am not the only one grieving, I have to reevaluate my life now, what is priority and what isnt. The cats are indoor cats now, a little late but thats the way it is. I will not pick another up on the road. Your friend Elaine