Hello. I am new to this site. My dad died February 22, 2005. Though it was nearly 5 years ago, it feels like 5 minutes ago. I never grieved his loss. I kept thinking time would heal the wound and if I didn't think about it, the pain would go away. But it hasn't gone away. I've gained over 100 pounds since he died. I miss him so much it is beyond words. He died from a heart attack in the middle of the night. He had congestive heart failure for some time, but he died suddenly. The day before he walked to the grocery store, mowed the lawn, and cooked a big meal for my mom. I had been living away from him for many years. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I'm not doing well at all. I cry all the time and eat to stuff down the pain I feel. When I think about the fact that I will never see him, I just can't stand it. I want so badly to see him again even just once and say goodbye. I wasn't ready to lose him. I was very close to him a daddy's girl you might say. I was never close to my mother. My dad was my everything. He was such a good man and father. Sometimes I feel like I should be over it since it happened so long ago. My sister does not grieve for him anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy like there is something wrong with me. I just miss him so terribly. There is such a huge void in me. I want to heal and come to acceptance someday. I want to be able to think about him without coming to tears.
