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nat

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Everything posted by nat

  1. Hi Cali, I am really sorry about your sister. I also lost my younger brother a year ago, he was just 24 years old and he also died unexpectedly. I don’t want to say that I do understand you, but in some ways I do relate with what you are saying, my brother was doing his OE planning to go in a trip to Asia, he was full of plans, he was healthy and happy and suddenly he was gone. I cannot measure the pain of losing someone you love, I lost my father when I was a child and recently my grandma, all different experiences, because of the time and circumstances. I miss them all, but my brother was supposed to grow older with me, he was supposed to be the cool and funny uncle of the kids one day I will have, I was supposed to go to his graduation, we were supposed to get mum angry or just laugh at her latest occurrences, we were supposed to make fun of our sister, they were supposed to complot against me, the eldest one. I think it hurts different because my brother has share my life in a more honest and sincere relationship, that relationship that will allow us to hate and love each other in a matter of seconds. And in some way we are born with the feeling that a brother or sister is going to be there with us to share our lives, because that is was its expected. But I saw my brother in a casket at his early 24, that was not supposed to happen; I saw my mum with her heart broken, and my sister crying over the little one of the family. That was not supposed to happen, but what is and what is not supposed to happen? I know now that nothing is what we think it should be, life has showed me that there is nothing I should give for granted and that there is not a supposed life I have to live. What people says, what people thinks about how I am dealing with this, well, that is up to them; they are the ones that are still believing that life is supposed to be in a way, what is called ‘normal’. I was like that, and I also forgot about other people’s pain, I wish we could all be aware that everybody has his/her owns ways to walk in this life and respect them, that is the only thing I would like: respect and acknowledgement of the moment I am going through. I don’t want sympathy, nor comfort or understanding from people that cannot feel what I am feeling, because they are not me, because every grief is different and because we are all different. I believe this is a path we have to walk alone because at the end the pain is inside us and we have to learn to be able to feel it, to live with it; I am just trying now to make peace with my grief and being capable to cry alone, with my husband, with a friend, with my mum, with my sister; and feel that there is respect, that I respect my pain and grief, and that they do It as well. I send you then the only thing I can give you, my respect and my acknowledgment and peace.
  2. Hi there, I also have a chocolate cockie in my fridge from my brother if that helps , it has been a year today since he is gone and from time to time I just wander how long that cookie will inhabit my fridge. For now I am happy to have it there.
  3. Hi missyme girl, You know, I lost my younger brother Juan today a year ago, mi first year without him has officially came to an end today. It does not feel any different, he is not here, he was not here for my bday last 14th and he won’t be here the next one, and that hurts. I won’t give you any advice, I know we have all to walk this path alone and in our own times. But I will share with you what I did for my bday (I always wanted to know how other people did it, how they could carry one). I live overseas, my family is far away from where I am, I missed them all everyday but more on my bday. I usually like to have friends at home and celebrate another year of life, we will prepare a bbq or a nice summer dinner and a great cake. But this year of course everything was different, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this for my bday, celebrating life. I had the option to do nothing and stay at home, probably sad, probably asking why and why. I decided instead to make an effort and go out for dinner with my husband and my two dearest friends, I decided to go to a nice restaurant, to wear a nice dress and to enjoy the company of the people I love the most in this side of the world. They knew my pain, they knew Juan was missing this time, they knew me and that was enough for me, I could feel their tenderness and their understanding, because they knew him and they were also missing him. I had a peaceful and I could say honest bday, and I am glad for it. I miss him a lot, I remember him and his lasts words to me were precisely "Happy bday nat! I will see you soon". I will keep them with me forever. I hope you can find your "words" too. ♥
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