Thank you for replying. It is nice to read some friendly words. I guess you never really know heavy something is until you put it down. I never realized the tremendous burden of what I've been carrying around with me. I learned early to care for myself emotionally and phsyically and I've just been doing it. Without thought to options or choices. Now that I stop and think about putting the weight down I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I don't know who I am if I don't preface it with 'my mother died when I was six but please don't apologize.' I think overwhelming is the best word I have...I don't know where to go next...any ideas?