Maggie's mom

I love the name Maggie! I would love to name my next cat Maggie as well, but I don't think that would be fair to my girl, and I think it would be too painful and confusing to me. I have been on the other board as well. There are a few more posts, but still not what I would expect from such an animal-loving society. Perhaps people have different ways of dealing with their grief. I was going to try the pet loss phone line. I'm doing something a little out of the norm and trying a phone consultation with a pet talker who can talk to living and passed over pets. I'm a little bit skeptical, but figure I have nothing to lose. I just want to know, if there's any way possible, to connect with her one more time. And I'm still suffering some guilt over the fact that I should have let the vet try the chest tap. Even if she only would have stuck around another few weeks or months, it would have been such a gift to have her here.

I'm feeling really isolated. I just went out for the first time since I lost her, so it was my first time coming home to a quiet house, without her greeting me at the door meowing. It killed me. I'm starting to think there really aren't too many people out there like me, because if there were there'd be way more posts. In this whole big country, where there are beloved pets passing away every day, I can't believe there isn't more reaching out for comfort on these sites. Maybe I loved her too much

I saw that candlelight ceremony for Monday night. I put Maggie on the Rainbow bridge list. I want to participate, just have to stay up til 10pm. I literally have heart pains right now. I got a little more sleep last night than the night before. I didn't eat one thing yesterday. Today, so far, I've had a banana and 1/2 grapefruit. I'm still wearing the same clothes I was wearing when I had to put Maggie to sleep on Friday night. I just threw away her food bowls, I couldn't bear to look at them sitting on the countertop anymore. Still haven't touched her litterbox, don't know when I will. When I was home, I literally put all my energy and attention to her. I just have no where to put my attention right now. Except for studying, which I'm fast falling behind in because I can't focus. I haven't been out in public since this happened. Does it feel better to be around other people or do you just worry you'll break down in tears in public?

Elaine, no problem. I'm just glad we have this forum so we can vent our grief, our frustration, our guilt. And we know we're all in the same boat, we all have similar experiences and I really want to know other people's stories. It helps me to sort out mine. Nothing makes sense right now. I just feel so lost, like you, and hoping that I can find another pet someday to love again like I loved Maggie. You're very blessed to have other pets, even though you didn't bond with them in quite the same way as you did Rocky. You're very lucky you have a husband. I come home to my empty home every day, no Maggie, no one but me. I'm just grateful that my friends have been supportive and listen to me. It's only been one day, so I hope they don't get sick of me. In my thoughts, Christa

Oh Elaine, I feel your pain. I can't imagine what you've gone through, beating yourself up. But Rocky had the good life, an outdoor cat's life. He got to roam. I know that cat owners want to keep them safe by keeping them inside and I respect their decision. I always feel torn when I see kitty's penned up in small apartments, sitting in the window looking out on the world. That was my cat for the first 10 years of her life, on the fourth floor of a condo complex. But when I moved to a place where I could let her out, I did. I know it was risky, and god knows she took risks. I saw her darting out in the street of my complex a few times in pursuit of another cat. My heart would jump and I'd go running after her. I just thank the lord that there was no passing traffic at that time. But that's what cats do. I felt happy that she was able to feel the grass beneath her paws for the first time in her life. I'm sure Rocky appreciated that you gave him that privelege and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Thank you Marty, for taking the time to read my post. You have a good heart and amazing insight into the grieving process. I've read some of the articles on grieving that you posted, and they've been very helpful. I know in my heart that time heals all wounds (I've lived through heartache before, though nothing like this), but when we're in the midst of it, the outlook seems bleak. It's been helpful to read other posts, if nothing else, to remind myself that I'm not going crazy.

Your story gives me hope. So beautiful

I am so sorry for your 2 losses. I can't imagine all the suffering that you've gone through over the past year. I just had to put my beloved cat to sleep last night. I went in thinking they could help her, but in the end, they told me euthenasia would be best. I was so unprepared for that. I knew I would cry, but I never knew the extent to which it would affect me emotionally/physiologically. I'm a basket case. All I can do is think about her. I have no appetite. Can't sleep, although I'm exhausted. I just took a Xanax which helped a little, but I feel so traumatized I don't know what to do. Please know that you are not alone.

Hi Brad, I know your post was a while ago. I hope you are doing better now. I related to everything you said. I had to put my cat to sleep last night and I don't know how I'll go on, pain is unbearable. She was everything to me. If you need a "cat" person to chat with, or have any advice for me being newly grieving, that would be great. christa

Last night, my baby, my only child, Maggie, was put to sleep at 1 AM. I got home yesterday, and my kitty was happy to see me as she usually is, purring up a storm. A little while later I noticed her body heaving as she was breathing, very labored breathing. I thought it might pass, but kept an eye on her. I got more concerned around 9pm, called the emergency vet place. They said I should definitely bring her in. I'm still not thinking anything is wrong, and as we're driving to the vet, I was reassuring Maggie that she's going to be fine. Just a little medication and the doc will fix her, and we'll come right home. She was very alert and inquisitive on the drive there, standing on my lap looking out the window. Maggie was 15, she had a decline in activity and health over the last year. She had gotten frail from arthritis and had lost weight, down to 4-1/2 lbs. It didn't make sense to me because she had such a healthy appetite and she had normal urine/bowel movements. I just figured her arthritis had made her lose muscle tone, because she had a hard time getting around. She had a hard time cleaning herself too, and would make grunts when she was licking herself. I just figured she was a little congested. It took a while for the vet to get to me. They put her in an oxygen tank to help her breathe better. She said they would need to do chest xray. Her heart beat was very faint, and she figured they would probably need to tap fluid from around her heart. Again, I'm still not thinking the worst, I'm thinking "they can fix her". I'm physically and emotionally exausted at this point. It had been a long week. I just started going to an extremely demanding nursing school. I wanted them to do what they had to do, figured it would take a few hours. I asked if I could go home and sleep for a bit then come back first thing to pick her up. They would have to charge me about $400 extra to board her, so I decided to stay. When the xray came in, vet showed me all the fluid buildup in heart, abdomen, some in lungs. I asked if that was bad, she looked at me very seriously and just nodded. She wouldn't let me take her home. It was either try doing the heart tap or put her to sleep. I could tell that the vet didn't hold out much hope for the tap. And I know how frail my little girl was so I wasn't sure I wanted to put her through that. So all by myself, at 12:30 am last night I had to make the decision to put her to sleep. I was overcome, beside myself, I couldn't catch my breath I was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't believe that what I thought would be a simple visit would turn out to be the end of my precious fuzzy baby's life. I loved that little girl with all my heart, I got her when she was 5 weeks old. We've been through so much together. I live alone. She was the one thing I had to look forward to when I came home. I would be so excited to see her, she would be excited to see me. I talked to her constantly. I told her how much I loved her, CONSTANTLY. The pain is unfathomable. I feel like I failed Maggie. I promised her I would take her home with me last night. I should have brought her in much sooner. I just don't know how to go on without her, she was my heart (I told her that all the time, she had to stay well for me, I needed her). I needed her more than she needed me. I'm not a big believer in an afterlife, but I want soooo badly to know that I'll see her again.