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MissingMyDaddy

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Everything posted by MissingMyDaddy

  1. I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how sad you must feel knowing your Dad won't physically be there. My Dad almost wasn't able to walk me down the aisle and that made me sad. He was hospitalized a week before my wedding. Actually had a heart attack on his way to the tux shop. Long story short, he busted himself out of the hospital just to walk me down the aisle. Anyway, my grandfather and Nana had passed away when I was in elementary school. My husband's grandfather had just passed a few years before. I wanted to include them in the ceremony in some way, especially my Nana since I was so close to her and named after her. A friend showed me this beautiful poem about how butterflies represent those who have passed. So I had three butterflies included in my bouquet. My bouquet was silk flowers so it was easy to do. Also, after I had been walked down the aisle , and before the actual ceremony began, we lit candles. We had a small table placed on the side with 3 candles. One representing each grandparent. The officator said a few words, explaining to out guests the significance of the candles. Attached to each candle was a butterfly. The candles remained lit during the entire ceremony and reception. After the ceremony, we moved the candles to the head table. After the reception, we gave a candle to my mother in law and one to my mother. So maybe you can do something like this for your wedding. I know its not the same, but it is a small representation of your Dad. And do remember , even though physically your father is not here, he is always with you. I feel my Dad's presence everyday. I hope it helps
  2. I know the feeling. I just wanna call my Dad and tell him how my Day was. My Dad had this weird funny since of humor, that I was lucky enough to inherit so when something funny happens I have the urge to call him. I havent erased his number from my phone,I feel like doing so makes it so final . You know what I mean? I feel my Dad's presence every day and I know he's close and always will be. I lived on the other side of the country when my Dad died. But like you , I visited as often as life would allow. Everytime he was seriously hospitalized, I hopped a plane to see him. I was lucky enough to be with him during the last 3 weeks, yet I still feel guilty that I wasnt there more often. I had only been moved outta state for a little over a year, but I feel like a missed a lifetime with him. But I am grateful I do have so many funny memories of him. What helps me, and it may help you too, is simlpy talk to him. I talk to him when Im driving to work, when Im driving home and before I go to sleep. I dont know if it will help you, but I hope it does.
  3. I don't think anyone EVER gets over losing someone. Especially a daughter losing a father. its almost a sacred bond. I guess its something us daughters only understand. That being said, I was a Daddy's girl through and through. Its been a year and Im not the same nor will I ever be the same. A piece of me is gone and I know a piece of you is gone also. Do not feel bad for missing him and for crying. Those that dont understand it , probably never will. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just know your Dad is looking down on you and probably very proud of your strength. Its a tough thing to go through alone, so if you want you can email anytime
  4. I know how you feel. I lost my Daddy one year ago today. Being that it's been one year, I can tell you that sometimes it feels like the pain does not get better. The thing you need to know though, is that you need to cry. You need to let it out. Yes, to a certain extent you need to be strong for your Mom, but at the same time you need to allow yourself to properly mourn. My Dad was ill for years, and many many times we thought he was gonna pass. He was on life support TWICE ans someone, managed to somewhat recover. Even at the end, the DR. said he'd be gone in 72 hrs, but he hung on for 3 weeks. Since we had so many close calls, by the time he actually passed I thought I was ready for it. You never really are. I was in the same thought, I gotta stay strong for Mom and my neices and nephews(I have TONS of them lol), but at some point I broke. And guess what ? The breaking was the biggest relief. Your Mom, Im sure, recognizes your strength and values you for being there. But your Mom will also realize that you also need to mourn. So my point is let yourself mourn, but be there for your Mom. Dont concern yourself too much with whether or not your brother is there for your Mom. We all grieve in our own ways, this might just be his grieving process. But DO be there for him, because Im sure whether or not he realizes, he'll need your shoulder at some point.
  5. This week marks the one year anniversary of my Dad's death. This past year has been so rough and almost surreal. Just the thought that my Dad is gone is still sometimes unbelievable. As is the cliche, the first year is truly the hardest. All those firsts are just emotionally unbearable. I turned 25 just a month after Dad passed and it was not a happy celebratory day at all. I literally live on the other side of the country from my family, so it made the day extra tough. My husband, God love him, tried so hard to make it a special day for me. He understood my grief was still fresh, so his feelings weren't too hurt when he realized I just couldnt be as happy as normal. My Mom flew in for my birthday which helped, but it still wasnt the same. I felt guilty that here I was having another birthday, and my Dad was gone. Father's Day was the most horrible day for me. Even worse then the day he actually died. I had to work that day and it took all I had to make it through my six hour shift. I came home, and once again my wonderful husband tried his best to cheer me up. But there was really no cheering me up. When he called his Dad to tell him Happy Father's Day, I was kind of jealous that he still has someone to call, and I dont. I probably spent 90 percent of that day sobbing. Even worse was that I have a portion of my Dad's ashes and it just hurt my heart to see that urn and know all thats left of him is ashes. As, the year progressed, I thought it'd get better. It didnt . Each milestone and holiday became harder then the last. I received somewhat of a promotion and wanted to call my Dad, but realized I couldnt. My Dad was always the first Family memeber Id call with news, because he'd always been my biggest cheerleader.My Dad gave me the confidence in life to suceed, and for that I am extremely grateful. My Dad's birthday rolled around and that was worse then my own. Even worse, my mother was in so much pain and there was NOTHING I or anyone else could do to make her ok. She's a tough strong woman. My Dad was sick for many years and it was MOm who took care of him the most. We all took our turns, but Mom had the most on her shoulders. My Dad was her everything. We had only lost a father, she lost half of HERSELF when she lost him. I know how badly it hurts me, I cant imagine how she hurts. THanksgivng and CHristmas were hard. As I said before, being on the other side of the cuntry makes it so hard. Luckily my in laws made Christmas special for me. I truly am blessed to have them. Shortly before I moved out of state, my father in law promised my Dad he'd always take care of me when my Dad passed. THat Fatherly INstinct kicked in almost instantly . My husband was unable to attend the funeral. He had just started a new job, so leaving out of state was not possible. Being the type of person my Father was, I knew in my heart my Dad would've wanted him to stay and go to work instead of losing his job to be at the funeral. So the day I flew back home, my father in law was at the airport waiting for me. As soon as he saw me, he gave me this big giant hug. I really think that having him around has really helped me grieve my Dad. I think its made it kinda easier because he's a father figure. As much as I love and appreciate him , he is in no way a replacement for my Dad, but he's a close second. I'm so grateful for him. My husband is great about everything. He doesnt quite understand what its like to lose a parent, but he's very supportive. Alot of little things remind me of my Dad, and I randomly start crying. He's patient and talks it out with me and most of the time makes me smile. My Dad had this great sense of humor, so my husband basically looks at things from what he thinks would've been my Dads perspective. And most of the time its spot on. BUt still, he doesnt understand my pain sometimes. He thinks I idolize my father and that I put him on a pedestal. Of course by no means was my Dad perfect, but he was my Dad. ANd he was my hero. I guess its hard for him to understand the bond of a father and daughter. I hope one day when we have a daughter he understands the bond. Until then, I know I just have to be patient with him. So I was supposed to fly home and be with my family for the one year anniversary, but unfortunately the weather decided to act up and I'm unable to get home. Im completely heartbroken and sad that I cannot be with them. Not just for myself, but for them too. Family is the most important thing, and being around each other helps us heal. It's a really sucky situation but as I always say, such is life . I just hope I can make it through this week. I feel as though Im falling apart at the seams. I can feel my Dads presence daily, but not having him physically here is the most difficult thing ever. I miss him.
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