loulou

my dear,I'm so sorry my post has upset you.I really do think that my dad was sad to leave.I wonder all the time about that tear.It breaks my heart,to be honest.But i also know we lose control of our body functions when we pass so I may be ignorant about it.It's just so easy for me to believe he was crying for his family,since what was being shouted at the time were things like,"dont leave!your kids need you!your family lovesyou,dont go."I do believe the other side is beautiful,and great,but my thoughts and beliefs change by the hour.I just wanted to say sorry that my thoughts on my post triggered you to have this awful worry.I'm truly sorry.

Hey there,it's been awhile.I dont comment much anymore,but since we are in the same boat with the little ones...my sister is 9,and when she comes and stays the week I always get emotional.I do talk to her about Dad,but she almost wipes every expression off her face and goes blank.I use to have a little resentment (I'm not proud to say it)toward her because as close as they were she dosnt seem as sad as I would think.I have relaxed a bit,realized there is no way to tell her feelings inside.Also I came to the conclusion that since I had Dad much longer I must hurt more because of that.My brother is 2 and has no clue,which is sad in its own way.Boys are different.My 27 year old brother still dosnt even like to talk about it.I'm sorry your sitting there struggling through this.I have no answer but I do know what your going through.It hurts so much. how completely life ruining it is still takes my breath away.Good luck hun.be good to yourself.

Dave,I'm sorry about your loss,and the trouble with your Dad.My Dad died of a heart attack at age 49.I'm still dealing with it.It sounds like you reading was amazing.I have had a few readings,one with a very famous Allison Dubois.That was a group reading,and it pretty much sucked.They just emailed and said I was able to sign up for a phone reading,only 1,000$ an hour!A few months ago I had a reading with a women I was referred to by a grief therapist.It was AMAZING and I'm so glad I did it.I wanna give Rita a shot,now.I have heard of her.and 250 is much more reasonable then Allison.Thank you for sharing your story,and goodluck to you and your Dad, -Lila

Drock!I'm so curious if you found it.I'm very intrigued by this now...I believe it WAS her life force or energy leaving.Its amazing.

leslie,I,too am so sorry for your pain and loss.My dad passed on new years day 2010.I'm with Jodi when she says she still cries everyday,and dosnt know how to go on.I,too feel so lonely,and its getting worse.I have turned into a really negative person,and everyone I was close to is turning away.My dad was alot like yours.Loved life.He was my #1 bestfriend.The first person I would call for any reason.He was the coolest,funniest person I have ever known,and our bond was deep.I miss him still,so much it hurts.I still miss him more everyday.I'm sorry that I cant say its better.Just know you are not alone,no matter how people make you feel.hold on tight.Its so very hard.

Hi hon!I'm absolutely ecstatic for you and your dads "song".When you feel it in your heart,you know its real.I always try to get my dads song to me to play,but it does come on when Dad wants,I guess.But it makes it that much special when it does.This new medium,confirmed my song(it was amazing)I told her as I was leaving that I felt my dad sends me a certain song,she asked"whats the song?"I didnt stop to think and said"how far from heaven"before the words were out of my mouth all the way,she put up her hand and said,"he says how far IS heaven,how far IS heaven"I didnt think about it then,but that night I was laying in bed and thought,hmmm I wonder if I said the title wrong.I checked the next day and sure enough...how far IS heaven.She didnt even know the song I ment seeing its not popular at all.But really Niamh,it didnt make me feel much better,cause even when I do believe,its such a sad excuse for talking to our loved ones.I took a friend of mine whos mom just died,also whos boyfriend killed himself a few years back,she wanted to go but was scared to go alone.I thought,"if we sit down and alice says "Im bringing through 2 people,guy and women"I'm gonna freak out."sure enough,thays how it started..idk.I feel she might b the real deal.She told me my dad and I are part of the same "soul mate" group and we have had past lifes together.She stressed more then anything how deeply he loves me.she actually got teary eyed because she said the feeling was so strong,the love so deep.Its worth going,but go when your ready.I hope work is going good for you.I hope your mom is holding up.I miss talking to you.Thanks for being there for me,once again,my dear friend.I love youxoxo Lou(I love how you call me that,reminds me of him)p.s.thats a great song for him to give you.I have heard it before but didnt much listen..wow.thats perfect!

Hi Drock,Im so sorry for your loss.I was just reading on the web about the infamous "21 grams"(you know,supposedly when we die our bodies lose 21 grams thought by some to be our soul or spirit)and I'm sorry to not have the link,I dont know how to do that,but if you google 21 grams at death,you will find this guys testament that as he held his mother while she died of cancer,and at the time of her death he felt a huge rush of energy come out of her into him.It was beautiful to read,andof course I thought of your post.He said exactly what you did!Its amazing and I had to share.

im so sorry for your loss.I just wanted to say that my dad died suddenly of a heart attack.he shed a single tear right before he went.while they were waiting for help they were yelling things like,"dont die!your family loves and needs you,dont go!"needless to say,that tear has kept me up many nights,and has caused many melt-downs.I have researched it,but no one has an answer of course.I really understand the NEED to know.I think that my dad was sad and didnt want to go.When I read your post,the first thing I thought was that your mom was finally comforted,and maybe even was seeing old loved ones coming to take her home.I know my thoughts dont help,and I wish I had the answer.For both of us.After a year and a half,I have finally come to terms with the fact that I wont truly know until its time.Good luck to you dear.

Hi all,I'm hoping to get some thoughts on this so here goes..some of you know that last year I went to see a famous medium to connect with my Dad.I left feeling confused and sad.I got a reading,but it was not really a good one.about 1/2 and 1/2 and very general.I still to this day dont know if I even believe or what I believe.So,anyway I have a friend that I never talk to,but somehow talked to her,she had a friend that died last year,and her grief therapist referred her to this 'local' medium.She was blown away,so of course I went to see her.As soon as I sat,she asked me not to say a thing about the person I wanted to talk to,and right away,said a man rushes right up.He died not old(she said she was old,he wasnt old old)my dad died at 49.good looking,funny,blah blah.Needless to say I was convinced.she read me for an hour and a half.I still cant believe how good she was.(down to saying he was alone when his spirit left his body,and sitting up)he was in a car.I could go on and on,but I have a point...she stressed that our loved ones WANT to help us from the other side,but they help in ways they used to.She said her father sold houses so now he finds great houses for the family.I took a friend for a reading and she stressed this with her as well...So my car has been messed up for a few months,when you hit the gas it would stall.I even got in a accident,a car rammed my back end.So I was on the phone w my boyfriend and said,(not thinkin)I will just have my dad fix it...oops,I forgot he was dead..cried all day.Anyway,guess what?when I went to get it fixed,it already WAS fixed,I swear!Then the mediums voice popped in my head,saying"they want to help,just ask."Does anyone think it could be my dad?please comment,I'm going nuts.

I went and had a (2) reading done from a hometown medium...It was amazing.Of course,I still doubt and question,but it really was amazing.I just wish somehow I could KNOW she was true,but I have a questioning mind,and cant help but go back and forth.

Jessy,I could almost have written this to my dad,myself.I lost my Dad a year and a half ago(so long ago,yet so short)and I miss him so much still,I cant breath sometimes.My son was 2 when dad passed on,and looks just like my dad.my dad died suddenly of a heart attack at 49.Just wanted to say sorry for your loss and pain.I share the feelings,and wonder if it will ever get better.....

Hi,Niamh.Havnt talked in a while...I'm out of words too,but wanted to tell you guys that I'm still reading,and I'm still struggling too.I feel EXACTLY the way you two are.(and so many others)I'm sorry for all the pain.I wonder when it starts to fade?I miss him so so much.Everyday I cry for him.Not talking to my brother right now.I'm just so lost,lonely and sad.still.always.send me a message sometime,Niamh.I miss you...xoxoxo

daughter,today,this post has brought me to tears.It's been a year and 3 months since mine died,and I have had my 2nd bday.Today my brother is driving to ohio by himself to spread some of his ashes in dads home town.My heart is so heavy that I cant go,and I miss my Dad so much right now,that I dont know what to do with the grief.I feel that we are a part of our parents,and now that he is gone so is a great part of me.The waves of pain come and go,sometimes I feel so strong that I'm proud.Lots of times I feel so heartbroken I dont feel I will ever get over it.I know that I always feel that no one in my life understands or even cares.I'm sorry for your saddness.I know it so well.I feel like my dad has been coming through with signs,subtle ones lately.I hope its true,and maybe thats why I have been missing him so much.Good luck on this journey.To us all.xoxo

I'm sorry for your loss.I just want you to know how hard it was for me.My Dad died unexpectedly a little over a year ago.Like your grandma,he raised me,was my best friend.We at least talked on the phone daily,and I would go running to his house each time I had ANYTHING wrong.At the time of his death I had a 2 year old and a 9 year old.It was soo hard to do anything but cry everyday,all day.I would yell at my kids all the time,cry all day long,and I mean cry.Like sitting on the floor sobbing.I had no help,my husband works all day every day.My mom,was busy with her boyfriend and life,my husbands family were not around.It got to the point where my husband and mom were saying things like,"Im worried about the kids with you"...I have no advice for you but I understand how very hard it is,and want you to know that you will settle a bit.Its new and takes a long time.Over a year later,I have a 4 month old on top of the other two,and still I grieve daily,cry daily,and miss him so much it hurts my chest.My kids still see me cry,but I think its ok,because death is a part of life,and so is deep love.I loved him with every cell,and the tears are a testament to that love and loss.I dont know,I'm still lost too.I just have been there with the kid stuff.You are not alone.

I answer myself too!I'm sorry for everyones pain.I also feel this way.Miss talking to him so much.I can't believe there was a time my phone rung off the hook,so much so I wouldnt bother answering sometimes!I knew I could call him back in a few minutes...What I wouldn't give for just one more chance.I have come across a local "medium".Hopefully it will be better then the first medium readingI had.I'm not expecting much,but wouldnt be nice to KNOW they can hear us?I know most people here believe,but I guess I still doubt.If I knew he was around in some way,maybe I could heal a little.

princess,I'm sorry you have the same issue with your mom.It is painful when I want to talk about my Dad and she just makes a hurtful comment.I always think the same,she has never lost someone she loves.Her GRANDMA just passed away two weeks ago,and that was the only person she has lost.I choose to think of all the good things about my dad.He absolutely had plenty of faults,but the good things about him greatly out weigh mistakes.I wish I would have taken the time to realize how special all the little things about him were,while he were alive.

princess...I dont really deal with my anger.I just have this pin-wheel of emotions that I go through.I guess I just let the emotions come.Yesterday,guess who showed up at my house..My brother.We had a 2 hour talk about Dad and it left me in a panic attack.He is my YOUNGER brother,and he just talks like he is so much more mature(which he totally isnt).He says he is happy for Dad because now Dad dosnt have to work so hard and struggle and suffer.He says he is in a better place,and we know how very much he loved us,so whats to be sad for?I know that,but I cry for what I lost.I cry for what I miss.even though my brother thinks he is a thug,he went to a christian highschool(I didnt)and I wonder if that is why he is at more peace than me.I'm not sure anymore what I believe.After your post yesterday I started missing my little sister bad.I text her mom,but of course she never responded....Oh princesspeanut,the thing is,I think we are so let down because people we love,who we relied on to love us back,during a time so hard I could have never imagined,seem to not give a crap.Life is so surprising,and depressing.I'm so sorry about your step mom.Reading your post,my own heart hurts because I know the pain.Why in the world would she shut you out so completely?I think my own 'step mom' didnt even care how much I hurt,I think it pissed her off that she didnt get all the pity and attention.Goodluck,hun.I know it wont help to say you dont need them,cause thats what I tell myself,but it hurts.Im sorry.

Im sorry for you and your husbands loss.The phases of life is something I have been thinking alot of lately.Im finding it so hard to enjoy the phase Im in.I just want to realize what blessings I have and enjoy this special time of my kids being young,and my remaining youth,but Im so depressed.I have heard surviving grief is about how well you except those phases of life.I hope I learn to calm down.

I have alot of similar things going on.Or I should say had.My Dad(who raised me,and was my bestfriend)Died suddenly a year ago.He was 49,and had this girlfriend for the last 11 or 12 years.Her and I had always been stand offish with each other.They have 2 little kids.One is 9,other 2.I was close to the 9 year old.I would have her over all the time for sleepovers.My dad and her were having lots of problems the last year,and my dad would talk to me daily about her.He even said a week before he died that trying to support her and the kids with no help was "killing him".I told him if anything happened to him I would "never forgive her"...Of course when he died the little girl in me came out and all I wanted was comfort and approval from her.I felt close to her at that time and struggled to keep talking to her,and keep my little sister spending the night,even through unbearable grief.She began going to the bars less then 1 month after he died.(she had NEVER went before)I should mention that her and I are less the 8 years apart.She stopped calling me,I havnt spoke to my sister in a long time.I'm friend with her cousin so I hear of them and I know she hears of me...I just had a baby and wouldve liked to see them,as a poor replacement for DAd.The ashes were to go to me.Im next of kin,and the only one who wanted them.The funeral home gave them to his girlfriend,and she refuses to give them to me.The box with his ashes held a bag of jewlery that was from my dad's remaining family,older relatives from far out of town,who I had never met and travled to our town for his funeral,left st.christophers and crosses in his casket to go to me,and she said someone stole that,and the silver name plate with his name engraved on it,that comes in the box of ashes was stolen too.Yeah,right....I understand you saying it broke your heart.I feel so hurt by this woman,I cant imagine if I had felt close to her,and her doing this.I long for this woman because she is such a symbol of my dad.I see her and my heart breaks.Thats not even getting into my brother,who was very close to my dad and me.He seems to not grieve for dad,and has no use for me.I actually had a recent screaming match with him because my baby was 1 month old and he had not bothered to see her(actually I was hurt he didnt come see me)...I wonder the same thing,how can family shut me out like this?I need them so much.It seems no one cares,and that just reminds me of all that I have lost when he left.I'm sorry for your pain and I feel the way you do.I miss my family.

my great grandma died last week.She was 97.She lived in Arizona,so I couldnt attend the service,I wish I could have.She was a little old Indian,and took care of herself.Sharp as a tack.She was ready to go home too.She refused any procedures and insisted on being let gohome to pass on in peace.I'm very happy she lived a full long life.I hadnt seen her in two years.I hope she is resting in peace.Im sorry for your loss.And I hope they are both living it up at "home".O yeah,I called mine granny too!

Hi everyone!Thanks for the support.@hello-I think my emotions are turned up due to the baby.Or hormones i'm sure.Thank you for the support,and I hope your doing ok as can be.@my dear friend Niamh,you of course are spot on.I did feel like I wanted support from other people,but no one provides it,so now I'm just pissed.I hope you are well,and I'm so happy you have started going to meetings.I hope they help some.@Bella-thats exactly why I'm becoming reclusive.I never wanna leave,and that has never been like me.I'm glad you have some support at home.peace to you,@starkiss,that may sound weird to some,but not me.I always want to be alone,then when I'm alone I feel SO alone.It does sound silly typing it,but its true.peace to you.@keyboardplayer,that was so sweet of you.Unconditional love is what I need and wonder if I will ever have it again since he died....I just wonder if I'm prolonging my grief,or if its normal to still be grieving so much a year in?Everyone on this site is so great.I'm blessed to have a place to turn.I wish everyone love and happiness.Thankyou

Thanks Em,I really dont post much anymore,but the last few days I have been really down.I didnt know how to deal with it,and it really helps getting it out.Thanks for replying.I hope someday I will start to like myself again.hugs and peace to you.

Im sitting here,struggling with this right now.I dont like the person I have become since Dad died.I'm an emotional wreck.I have no urge to connect with anyone.I have started becoming reclusive and never even want to brush my hair.Everything even a little bad happens,and it leads me right back to my Dad and my grief.After a year,is this normal,or is it me making it worse?No one likes who I have become.My fiance told me he didnt want to be with my negative ass for the next 20 years.Guess what?I dont blame him.I dont want to be with him anymore because I'm so stuck in my pain that I just want to be left alone.My brother has stopped talking to me,I think I make his grief worse.If I try talking to my mom about dad she just reminds me how much he used to yell at me as a kid.Or that he always gave my brother more love.I dont remember it that way,but she has hated my dad for 20 years.She cant stand that I love him and miss him so much.One of the best things about my dad was the joy he had for life,and how happy he was even through the toughest circumstances.Then I look at myself...I want my kids to remember how happy and fun I was when I die.But as of now,they will probably remember how much I cry.I'm so wrapped up in this darkness,and I'm starting to feel comfort from it.Will I ever get over this?I also struggle with pills.I just had a baby 2 months ago so I stopped them while I was pregnant,but already have started taking them again.I figure what the hell?I'm prescribed them,but I know that nothing helps.

My Dad's first year anniversary was recently along with his birthday.They were both very hard.He feels so far away from me now.Everyday I miss him more it seems.I'm sorry for your pain and know it well.Grace, I still bought him a card,and wrote to him in it.Someone on this site a long time ago mentioned doing that,and I liked the idea of doing it every year.I cried so hard writing to him but at least I feel like I'm doing something for him.It helped a little.Love and peace to everyone.

That heavy feeling in the chest will ease.I feel it still sometimes.I remember the first few months,the heavy feeling was very strong.I dont know when or how,but it eases.I'm almost to the year mark.Daughter said it very well.I'm not "better",but I'm a little better.I miss him sooo much.Sometimes I even feel panic wash over me.I just want him in my life soo much.I miss him so very very much.I dont think we will ever stop wanting them.But you will be able to breath easier in time.