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bell

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Everything posted by bell

  1. Doing my best, You poor thing!I would be so angry.I can not believe the way some people treat others.My mom called me 2 weeks after my dad died.(they had been divorced since I was 10,and she absolutely couldn't stand him,and told me that regularly)And said she felt like I didn't want her in my life now that my dad died,and she felt like she lost a friend,and she didn't like the way I hadn't been calling her.I was shocked that my own mom wouldn't let me be heartbroken without making my hurt about her and also putting pressure on me to treat her better.I wouldn't be to worried about that friend.Even though she is hurting too it was very rude and selfish of her.I'm trying not to say this but maybe you shouldn't be friends with someone like that.
  2. James,you are so right about everything.My brother has the same attitude and even though I understand,I don't understand.You see,when my grief wants out there is no stopping it.I'm a waitress and I can be taking a order,and out of nowhere,tears will fall out of my eye's.That's emotion I never knew.And I have known lots of people that died.I have loved people that have passed,but have never felt this pain.Thank you for taking the time to respond...I will take your advice.And guess what?My dad's name was James!
  3. I know how you feel...My dad just passed away.He was a giving man who struggled alot in his life.I thank god that he went suddenly,without a long illness.I'm sorry for the loss of your mom.My dad was my closest parent to me.He took me after my parents divorce.Anyways,I have so much anger some days that I don't know what to do with it.It started with the hospital staff.He passed of a heart attack while doing a side job.I guess he was dead on arrival.The staff was so rude that if I wasn't in such a state of shock I would have punched the chaplin!Next came the funeral home,they were so pushy and rude,I wish I had been in the right state of mind.Nobody should be pushed out of a funeral home 10 min. after the service.I should have stood up to them.Not to mention all my dad's friends and family that didn't bother to show.(yes,the weather was bad,but come on!)He too,deserved so much more then that.Doingmybest is so right about finding the truth in people.Sad to say but my friends and even my mom are not there for me in the slightest.I have one good friend who listens.I'm clinging to my brother for dear life,and I have a Fiance' that is patient with me and is understanding.Other then that I'm thinking everyone else who I thought cared,are not who I thought they were.And to be honest,I don't want those people close anymore.I hope that's normal and I'm not going off the deep end with hatred,I just don't want the fakeness in my life.I could go on and on with the people I'm mad at and why.But tomorrow I will wake up not angry and just cry all day.Hang in there honey!!!At least they have us to keep them alive in our hearts.
  4. And to Marty...that poem was perfect.I had never heard it,but now it's in the journal I keep.Thank you for the poem as well.
  5. I want to thank each one of you for your support and comforting words.The fact that people you don't know are willing to listen to your story and care enough to share with you is a great feeling.I know now that I could never let him go.All I can do is try to live with his memories.They just hurt so bad right now.[the memories]They make me think of all that I have lost.And I'm gonna start trying to distance myself from the people that are making me feel wrong for having so much grief.Thank you again for sharing with me.
  6. I have just found this sight a few days ago.It helped so much just to read other people's post.I think it's time to write my own.My Father died 5 weeks ago.He died at 49 of a heart attack,working in the snow.I was very close to him my whole life.I spoke to him 3 times the day he died.Little did I know that hours later I would be giving the hospital a positive i.d. to his body.I have trouble getting that night out of my head.My dad was the funniest and carefree person I have ever known,and I know I will never be the same.Everyone from old friends even down to my own mother has been insensitive and somewhat rude.People think I should be ok by now.I feel like no one around me understands how much it hurts.I can't imagine such a positive part of my life gone forever.I cry all the time everyday.I feel like there is no answer because he wont be coming back.I know my dad thought I was the most gorgeous girl,he was so proud of me,he bragged about me to everyone who he talked to.It's hard to know the person that loved me the most is gone,and so is that love.I don't know how to act,I don't know how to treat people.I'm so angry that the world is going on like he wasn't that important.Even my brother who I know loved my dad deeply seems to be fine.I'm far from fine,and I'm starting to think I have a problem.I don't want to go to work anymore because the people seems to think I need to get over it,and a few have said that.I miss him so much I can't believe I will never here him speak again.
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