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alaynalynn

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About alaynalynn

  • Birthday 03/16/1990

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    01/12/2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Duluth, MN
  1. Heya, well. To start off, my brother Jamie died the evening of Jan 12th, 2010 at the age of 30. He was my oldest brother and my favorite. He was hit by a truck and killed instantly. Jamie was married with 2 children but it was a difficult marriage fraught with cheating on both sides, drugs, etc. Right before he died he was fighting with his girlfriend on the side of a busy highway late at night. (Before he went, he told my other brother Chris that he was headed to break off his relationship with the girlfriend b/c he loved his wife.) Next we heard, he was dead. The girlfriend is a compulsive liar and a druggie. She told the police she was texting and didnt see anything. She told my younger sister it was his wife's fault for calling him all night and that he committed suicide. She started spreading it around that he jumped out in front of the truck, for various different reasons. My family still holds that she pushed him or provoked him in some way to run across the road (they were on opposite sides supposedly). There is so many different stories floating around that it hurts to even think about it. The hardest part is knowing that she will never ever tell us what actually happened. The 18 yr old boy that hit him had to go to the hospital for depression and he says he didnt even see Jamie, or his gf. At the funeral his gf was obnoxious and rude to everyone, despite the fact my mother graciously allowed her to attend. It's been almost 3 months now and it still hurts. I have one older brother, one younger brother, and three younger sisters. I fear to discuss it with any of them b/c I dont want to stir their grief when my own is still so fresh. My mom wont eat and is not coping well. My dad was not Jamie's dad. Jamie and Chris (2nd older brother) are from my mom's first marriage. My dad hates Jamie and Chris both. He hates Jamie's wife, who is now in rehab/jail. He hates Jamie's two kids, who are living with him and my mom and the rest of my siblings. He even hates Chris's dog! Ever since Jamie died my Dad has been ignoring eveyone and is gone "at work" whenever possible. A few nights ago he told my mother he wants a divorce. He is trying to kick her and Chris and Jamie's two kids out of the house. The funny part about that is that NONE of my siblings like him at all, except for my youngest sister, who is too young to understand. When they get a divorce no one wants to stay with him. Jamie had become like the father figure to most of our family. He always loved us and was good for laughs. He was my role model. So now, here is my family. Broken over Jamie's mysterious death, and now being ripped again by divorce. I live with my boyfriend and our little girl so I feel seperate and excluded from the goings-ons at my mom's home. My boyfriend was a great help at first. His brother died a few years ago from cancer. But now I find myself less sad and more angry and frustrated. I'm angry at eveyone for everything. Dad for being a jerk and not caring at all about anyone but himself. Mom for not just slapping dad's dumb face right off. Jamie for leaving. Jamie for having a girlfriend in the first place. I get so angry I sit at my house and cry while there is tons of cleaning and dishes to be done. I have not cleaned fully since Jamie's death. Lately I rage at my bf and my daughter for eveything and anything. I've thought about counseling but I'm pretty shy and I've heard it doesnt help at all. I'm not a very good communicator, I never have been. It feels like I should be over this grief already. Some days it feels like I am. But then a guy comes into my workplace with a check and he has the same birthday as my brother Jamie and my chest is empty again. I feel helpless rage all the time. I have this crazy desire to break things and hurt other pple. I'm making life miserable for my daughter Lilly and my bf Justin. My relationship is on the rocks. The worst part is, I dont know how to stop. I've tried swallowing the anger and ignoring it, but then something little happens and I blow up. This is all so strange b/c I dont usually have a short fuse, or a violent temper. I feel empty and broken... like I'm sitting in a sinking boat and my paddles are floating away. I dont know if what I'm feeling is normal... ---Please no "God will take care of you comments" My mother is deeply religious and I'm sick of hearing it. If God loved us at all he wouldnt have done this.--- Thanks, -Alayna
  2. Hi, I had a similar message thing happen to me. My oldest brother died Jan 12th 2010. I had been keeping all my texts from that night and from the week after to read when I finally felt ready to and I accidentily deleted them all. It was heartbreaking. I have a 2 and a half yr old daughter and I find myself lashing out at her and my boyfiend at completely random times and for nothing. I'm not trying to be cruel to them, but I can't seem to control the anger. The worst part is not even knowing why I am angry. I feel like I should be over this already and be moving on, but at the same time I hold on to the anger. I guess I'm saying all this b/c I'm wondering, is this how you feel? It would be a great help to know I am not the only one feeling this insane.
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