Kasey06

Before I start, I want to say that I don't mean to offend anyone, that isn't the point of this message. I have posted a few times on this board but it's been a few months. I am 23 years old and in the past 4.5 years I lost 3 grandparents and my mom. It seems like my age group is somewhat forgotten and skipped over. There is a lot out there for children and teens dealing with loss and support groups and then suddenly we skip to adults. Older adults all the time, when they hear about my loss (mainly my mom) they start to say how they know how I feel and that they lost their mom or dad recently. And it frustrates me some. I don't mean to minimize anyones grief or loss but it is a totally different form of loss-losing a parent later on in life VS. losing a parent in your 20's. I would give anything to of had my mom with my into my 30's and 40's. It's hard for me to think about my future and getting married someday and having kids and living my life because my mom isn't going to be a part of any of that. It's hard for me to see older adults who still have their parents, I am happy for them and hope that they feel fortunate but it makes me feel so sad. Trust me, I know life isn't fair. Maybe I am the only one that feels this way, but I doubt it. I wish there was more out there dealing specifically with younger adults and losing a parent. It'll be 2 years on halloween since my mom passed away and I hate this time of year. It's bad enough losing someone but having it happen on a holiday really stinks. There are reminders all over the place and it still feels just like yesterday.

Dealing with multiple deaths is so hard. For me, I have kinda become freaked out about death. I can't help but think, 'whose next?'. In a period of just over 4 years I have lost 3 grandparents and my mom and I just turned 23. As a result I don't have much family left. It's hard, you don't really get time to fully grieve for one person and deal with it. With multiple deaths it's so much more complicated. For me the pain and emptiness is so much more pronounced. Most of the time I am just kinda in shock and all that has happened and where my life has turned out so far. It's gets so hard to keep going. I would start to get going again after losing someone just to have it happen again and again. I get sick of starting over again. With each person you lose it's like a piece of you dies as well, you change. Life can never be like it was. I would give anything to go back 5 years and have my family all alive still but of course that isn't possible.

Yeah, all the occasions and anniversaries are so tough. It's been about 18 months since my mom passed away. My mom died on halloween so not only is it a day that I dread but it's a day that is a holiday. All the stores get decorates, tv shows all doing halloween specials, packaging on food even changes. I dread going anywhere on that day and although I am no superstitious or anything there is no way I can go to the cemetary on halloween. I don't know if i'll ever be able to face halloween as just a holiday. Even though it's been 18 months I still can't get beyond the pain and shock. Her death wasn't expected and she was only 42, I was only 21. I found her. Hopefully one day i'll be able to think of her and remember the good memories and times we shared. Hopefully I won't just have the horrible memories and images from that night. Evern though the 2nd anniversary of her death is months away I am already dreading it. I don't think there is anything that can be done or said, that day just sucks. Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries. I just try to function and get through. Hopefully one day i'll be able to do more that's not possible yet.... ~Crystal~

Thats definitely the feeling I have most of the time, 'not wantint to be here anymore'. It's been about 18 months since my mom passed away and most days I want nothing more than to get hit by a car or have something happen so I don't have to face another second of this life. I've even considered taking matters into my own hands, I was once forced to spend a couple of days in a hopsital and see a bunch of therapists because I was very close to attempting suicide. I spend my 19th birthday alone in a bathroom with enough pills to get the job done but luckily I didn't do it. The reason then that I didn't was the thought of what it would do to my mom but now that my mom is gone....I was raised in a pretty strong christian family, and in the Bible it says suicide is a sin and if you take matters into your own hands and kill yourself you will not go to heaven. That is the one and only thing that keeps me from doing anything. I struggle with my faith a lot these days but I do believe and thats what is keeping me from doing what I know is stupid. I went to my mom's grave last thursday for the first time since last fall. The cemetary is closed all winter because it cannot be plowed. I have been pretty down since, it is really hard going there. She is buried right next to my grandparents and to me it just feels like my entire life is lying there in the ground and I am left all alone. I am only 23 and I feel like I have already lived a lifetime....But for some reason I am still here on this earth and although I don't know why I am here. One thing I read after my mom died that has stuck with me is "grieving is the price we pay for caring for someone". It is so true, all the pain and suffering is the cost of caring and loving and although it is worth it at times it is frightening to get close to people for fear they are going to die.

We used hospice services for my grandfather. He was given 6 months to live back in 2001 from cancer as well, he passed just days after thanksgiving of that year. He didn't even make 3 months. He was VERY religious and knew what was waiting for him so there wasn't any fear or anything. I wouldn't say he gave up trying to live but once someone has accepted the fact they are dying they tend to go faster than planned. I made the mistake of distancing myself from him instead of spending all the time I could with him. I regret that now but it's too late. I know how much he loved me though and I know he knew I loved him. My only piece of advice would be to spend all the time you can with him. Even if it's just sitting next to him as he naps, or being in the same room with him. Make the most of each day you have to spend with him, don't think "well I have 6 more months" because you never know. It's hard seeing the person you care about fading away but at that point it's not about you really and how your feeling, it's about the person dying. It's kinda like you become the parent and take care of them like they always did for you. Just live each day with him so you can't regret it once the persons gone.

Every since I was a little girl I have always just pretended everything was fine, that I was OK. I am so stuck in the mode of rather than dealing with everything head on I just ignore whats happening and shove it aside. Everyone thinks I have handled things so well, that I am so mature but in truth it's just the opposite. I wish I could be like others who allow themselves to feel the pain, to cry, to openly talk about how they are really doing and feeling. I wish I didn't always feel the need to put on an act. I know my way of handling things isn't healthy but I don't know how to get out of this mode and really start to deal with everything. After my mom died and after the funeral and all the craziness that goes with it, I just threw myself back into life. I had my horse and the hours of chores that go along with that and work. I have mastered not allowing things to affect me, I have mastered controlling my emotions. I don't allow myself to cry in front of others, I didn't cry when I found my mom or at any of the funerals. I don't know why I do this. I think part of it might just be I am afraid of what'll happen to me if I really allow myself to feel and to deal with everything. I can't stand having others worried about me, I don't want to not be OK. But I know in order to live my life and move on I need to deal with everything. At times it feels like I have just shut down and now I can't feel, like i've locked things away for so long I can't get to them now. I was wondering if others have handled stuff like this and how they have gotten past it. How do you change the way you deal with things? I know I have to and I know it's not going to be easy but I know I have to in order to really move on.

Hey, i'm new here and I was just wondering if others had dealt with not one significant loss but several over a short period of time. My first year of college my grandfather passed away from cancer, then a year later my grandmother died unexpectedly following what was supposed to be a simple surgery. A year later my mom died unexpectedly, I went upstairs and found her on the floor, the doctors called it sudden cardiac death. Her heart just stopped and that was it, she was pronounced at our house. Then a year later my other grandmother died following years of declining health. She just died the end of this past january. My parents got divorced when I was a baby and my dad isn't really a part of my life, isn't capable of being a dad. My stepfather lives on the other side of the country and has since remarried and doesn't want to be a father, he wants to be more of a friend. I rarely hear from him. I just turned 23 and I feel so alone. I lost the 4 most important people in my life in a period of 4 years and I just don't know how to deal with it. People always say it gets easier as time goes by but for me it doesn't. My mom was only 42 years old, she's the one I am having the hardest time dealing with. We were like best friends, we were so close. Each day is so hard to get up and make myself get through, each day is another I don't get to share with my mom. She is supposed to be here. I just feel like i've lost such a huge part of myself and at times I don't even know if I do want to go on. I don't have much family left. How do you deal with such a large loss? Everyone I depended on and loved has been taken away.