Frank G

Sting's original version is "I'll be watching you". and was Lady Di's favourite song as she always felt she was being watched during her lifetime.I haven't posted for a while but I have a peek sometimes.I'm coming to terms with my 'new' life. I have found the last few days a bit tough as it was Sept.1st last year we took June to hospital with suspected Gall Stones only by the next day to be told it's Colan Cancer with in-operable secondaries on the Liver.I think the day of diagnosis may effect me more than the day I lost her,that being Dec.3rd but I'll have to wait 3 months to find that out. You all look after yourselves.

Korina,that one line from your post is a perfect discription of what most of us must be going through. Take care,Frank...

I had to take my June back into hospital 10 days before she died.I had hired a wheelchair for the last 4 days at home and we'd had to arrange for scans as it seems the chemo. wasn't working.We were told that day that the cancer was 'enveloping' her liver and there was no more could be done.I think she was totally frustrated with being so weak in the legs and now being bed-ridden she seemed to accept the news. We only had one conversation about death and that was about 2 days later.She held my hand and said,"I'm a bit scared,what do you think happens?"We were both Christian Agnostic so my answer was,"I think you just go to sleep and don't wake up and if we're wrong in our beliefs you'll see your Mom and Dad and brother Keith again."She just smiled at me and said,"That would be nice.You always know what to say to make me feel better." Her younger brother Keith commited suicide back in the U.K. in the early 1990's. You all take care Frank G.

Tomorrow (15th) my June would have been 67.I used to hate walking around the shops trying to find a birthday present for her because she didn't really need anything and it used to drive me insane but I would have given anything to have had to do it today. All take care. Frank...

Hi karen,we're in the same boat and riding the same stormy waves. We were married at 19yo.so I went straight from mother to June and after 47 years married I lost her last December.We were to retire in July (we worked together as carpenters) but this was not to be.I am also finding it hard to live on my own and get used to my own cooking etc.but we've got no choice.Just try and be strong and remember all the good things.Make sure you eat properly because you need to stay healthy to get through these difficult times. All take care Frank...

Bill,please be carefull what you do while your concentration is vunerable.After my June's surgery and we were waiting for the chemo. to be arranged I went back to work to get the extension we were doing to 'lock-up' stage so we could get our progress payment.Coming home after going back for a few days to achieve this I went straight through a set of traffic lights that were on red (in the station wagon and trailer with tool boxes on) and just missed the car crossing from my left.It wasn't till I looked in my rear-vision mirror that I realised what I'd done.I went back to the job-site the next day and collected my ladders etc.and that was he end of my working life.I never told June of this incident so she never knew of the double tragedy that came so close. All take care. Frank...

Hi Bill,I lost my wife last December after a 3 month battle with Colan cancer that had already gone to her liver(we were together 49 years).It will be 6 months for me on June 3rd and I have had my first ever 6 months living alone,6 months retired (we worked together and we planned to retire in July)and 6 months with no direction in life. You take care of your own health and try to remember the good times and the bad memories will slowly slip away. It does get better believe me.It's will be hard to believe that at the moment but it does. Take care all. Frank....

Bittersweet for me also today mig. I am attacking things 'head on' and doing things we did and going places we went with a getting back on the horse attitude.Today I went to the shopping mall where we used to buy June's "diet shakes" every couple of weeks and then to the picnic park by the local river where we used to take the grandchildren.As I stood on the car-park and visualised where June had one of her last attempts at a walk I could also see them loading people onto the "Nepean Belle" riverboat where my daughter held her wedding reception 4 years ago. All take care. Frank...

It's Mother's Day in Aus. today and it's filled me with sadness.Our daughter,son in law and the grandkids usually visit with the flowers etc. for my June.Our daughter seems to have been affected by it as she complained to me during the week that the T.V. adds. for Mother's Day gifts were getting to her.Then on Friday I had a phone call from our son in L.A. who said he was having his troubles and during the conversation he mentioned the Aussie Mother's Day also. These celebration days can be very nice till Mother is missing and then the day becomes empty and meaningless. All take care. Frank...

Hi Lucia,I'll again quote the much agrieved Rose Kennedy. I think you will find that while 'the mind' is doing this protecting it sometimes gets mixed up with what it's trying to help us forget. You must always remember that in a close relationship you probably remembered for each other and that's another luxury we have lost. Take care. Frank G...

Discussion and debate about religion can become very sensitive and if not carefull become personal so I ask you all to be carefull.I was once a member of an "discussion" forum based in the U.K. and religious debate would soon get out of control.I don't think that will happen on this forum because we are all to busy working through our grief to attack anyone personally.I describe myself as a 'Christian-Agnostic' which means I believe in following Jesus' example on how to live your life but I don't believe in God. You can put this link into perspective in one sentence.If God does exist he has a warped sense of humour. You all look after yourselves. Frank G...

So sorry Closs.Life can turn upside-down so quickly. Our horrific journey was just 13 weeks.In August my June was working with me (we were carpenters)doing an extension.We put the roof timbers on (26 foot long trusses) and the next day she thought she had pulled a chest muscle.Sept.1st she was in hospital with suspected Gall Stones which after key-hole surgery turned out to be Colan cancer with secondries on the liver.Surgery to remove the Colan tumor,3 failed rounds of chemo and all over on Dec. 3rd.It's a roller coaster ride as all on this forum will tell you but you must take care of your own health and I'm sure things will improve.You may not think that at the minute but after a period of 2 steps forward and 1 step back you'll get there. Frank G...

Hi Chrissie,I lost my June one month before you lost your Tim and like you I seemed to go backwards yesterday.It's a roller coaster ride for all of us but knowing the progress I made till yesterday I'm sure we'll get there eventually,wherever "there" is.I speak to my Father (he's 85 y.o.) by phone in England once a week,he lost my Mother in 2004 and still has his bad days.He lives alone and seems to cope reasonably well considering he and mom were best friends at school when he was 11 and she was 9 and were married for 62 years and worked together in their shop from 1958 till retirement so like my June and I they were together 24/7.He should be an example to us all.

You must eat if only by the clock and not by appitite as I did for a while.While my June suffered her final 3 months I lost over a stone in weight and the weekend before she went back into hospital I was bitten on the foot in the night (on a mattress on the floor beside our bed) which developed into Cellulitus and I was on antibiotics for 2 weeks and also on an antibiotic drip in the ER at one stage while she was up in the Oncology Ward.My imune system was obviously rock bottom so you must take care of yourself.I have not only had to learn to cook for one,I have had to learn to cook from scratch as beans on toast was my total talent.We married at 19 so I went from Mom's cooking to June's cooking and till now have never lived on my own. Take care.Frank G...

I have the opposite attitude to deal with the loss of my June.Every photo is still where it was.I have a small shrine on the chest of drawers in our bedroom with her ashes in front of a photo and a framed poem entitled "June" explaining the origin of the name which a friend gave her a few years ago.When my daughter and the grand-kids visit we discuss her openly and I am also making a concerted effort to visit the places we used to visit together and do some of the things we used to do together.It's hard sometimes but once it's done I feel better. The only thing I still have a problem with is music as it was such a big part of our life personally and for a long time proffesionally but I'm positive I can overcome this eventually. I think our ability to be positve is weakened when we lose the love of our life after going through the "be positive" phases of the treatments that eventually fails us.(I hope I've expressed that correctly.)