Frank G

Sting's original version is "I'll be watching you". and was Lady Di's favourite song as she always felt she was being watched during her lifetime.I haven't posted for a while but I have a peek sometimes.I'm coming to terms with my 'new' life. I have found the last few days a bit tough as it was Sept.1st last year we took June to hospital with suspected Gall Stones only by the next day to be told it's Colan Cancer with in-operable secondaries on the Liver.I think the day of diagnosis may effect me more than the day I lost her,that being Dec.3rd but I'll have to wait 3 months to find that out. You all look after yourselves.

Korina,that one line from your post is a perfect discription of what most of us must be going through. Take care,Frank...

I had to take my June back into hospital 10 days before she died.I had hired a wheelchair for the last 4 days at home and we'd had to arrange for scans as it seems the chemo. wasn't working.We were told that day that the cancer was 'enveloping' her liver and there was no more could be done.I think she was totally frustrated with being so weak in the legs and now being bed-ridden she seemed to accept the news. We only had one conversation about death and that was about 2 days later.She held my hand and said,"I'm a bit scared,what do you think happens?"We were both Christian Agnostic so my answer was,"I think you just go to sleep and don't wake up and if we're wrong in our beliefs you'll see your Mom and Dad and brother Keith again."She just smiled at me and said,"That would be nice.You always know what to say to make me feel better." Her younger brother Keith commited suicide back in the U.K. in the early 1990's. You all take care Frank G.

Tomorrow (15th) my June would have been 67.I used to hate walking around the shops trying to find a birthday present for her because she didn't really need anything and it used to drive me insane but I would have given anything to have had to do it today. All take care. Frank...

Hi karen,we're in the same boat and riding the same stormy waves. We were married at 19yo.so I went straight from mother to June and after 47 years married I lost her last December.We were to retire in July (we worked together as carpenters) but this was not to be.I am also finding it hard to live on my own and get used to my own cooking etc.but we've got no choice.Just try and be strong and remember all the good things.Make sure you eat properly because you need to stay healthy to get through these difficult times. All take care Frank...

Bill,please be carefull what you do while your concentration is vunerable.After my June's surgery and we were waiting for the chemo. to be arranged I went back to work to get the extension we were doing to 'lock-up' stage so we could get our progress payment.Coming home after going back for a few days to achieve this I went straight through a set of traffic lights that were on red (in the station wagon and trailer with tool boxes on) and just missed the car crossing from my left.It wasn't till I looked in my rear-vision mirror that I realised what I'd done.I went back to the job-site the next day and collected my ladders etc.and that was he end of my working life.I never told June of this incident so she never knew of the double tragedy that came so close. All take care. Frank...

Hi Bill,I lost my wife last December after a 3 month battle with Colan cancer that had already gone to her liver(we were together 49 years).It will be 6 months for me on June 3rd and I have had my first ever 6 months living alone,6 months retired (we worked together and we planned to retire in July)and 6 months with no direction in life. You take care of your own health and try to remember the good times and the bad memories will slowly slip away. It does get better believe me.It's will be hard to believe that at the moment but it does. Take care all. Frank....

Bittersweet for me also today mig. I am attacking things 'head on' and doing things we did and going places we went with a getting back on the horse attitude.Today I went to the shopping mall where we used to buy June's "diet shakes" every couple of weeks and then to the picnic park by the local river where we used to take the grandchildren.As I stood on the car-park and visualised where June had one of her last attempts at a walk I could also see them loading people onto the "Nepean Belle" riverboat where my daughter held her wedding reception 4 years ago. All take care. Frank...

It's Mother's Day in Aus. today and it's filled me with sadness.Our daughter,son in law and the grandkids usually visit with the flowers etc. for my June.Our daughter seems to have been affected by it as she complained to me during the week that the T.V. adds. for Mother's Day gifts were getting to her.Then on Friday I had a phone call from our son in L.A. who said he was having his troubles and during the conversation he mentioned the Aussie Mother's Day also. These celebration days can be very nice till Mother is missing and then the day becomes empty and meaningless. All take care. Frank...

Hi Lucia,I'll again quote the much agrieved Rose Kennedy. I think you will find that while 'the mind' is doing this protecting it sometimes gets mixed up with what it's trying to help us forget. You must always remember that in a close relationship you probably remembered for each other and that's another luxury we have lost. Take care. Frank G...

Discussion and debate about religion can become very sensitive and if not carefull become personal so I ask you all to be carefull.I was once a member of an "discussion" forum based in the U.K. and religious debate would soon get out of control.I don't think that will happen on this forum because we are all to busy working through our grief to attack anyone personally.I describe myself as a 'Christian-Agnostic' which means I believe in following Jesus' example on how to live your life but I don't believe in God. You can put this link into perspective in one sentence.If God does exist he has a warped sense of humour. You all look after yourselves. Frank G...

So sorry Closs.Life can turn upside-down so quickly. Our horrific journey was just 13 weeks.In August my June was working with me (we were carpenters)doing an extension.We put the roof timbers on (26 foot long trusses) and the next day she thought she had pulled a chest muscle.Sept.1st she was in hospital with suspected Gall Stones which after key-hole surgery turned out to be Colan cancer with secondries on the liver.Surgery to remove the Colan tumor,3 failed rounds of chemo and all over on Dec. 3rd.It's a roller coaster ride as all on this forum will tell you but you must take care of your own health and I'm sure things will improve.You may not think that at the minute but after a period of 2 steps forward and 1 step back you'll get there. Frank G...

Hi Chrissie,I lost my June one month before you lost your Tim and like you I seemed to go backwards yesterday.It's a roller coaster ride for all of us but knowing the progress I made till yesterday I'm sure we'll get there eventually,wherever "there" is.I speak to my Father (he's 85 y.o.) by phone in England once a week,he lost my Mother in 2004 and still has his bad days.He lives alone and seems to cope reasonably well considering he and mom were best friends at school when he was 11 and she was 9 and were married for 62 years and worked together in their shop from 1958 till retirement so like my June and I they were together 24/7.He should be an example to us all.

You must eat if only by the clock and not by appitite as I did for a while.While my June suffered her final 3 months I lost over a stone in weight and the weekend before she went back into hospital I was bitten on the foot in the night (on a mattress on the floor beside our bed) which developed into Cellulitus and I was on antibiotics for 2 weeks and also on an antibiotic drip in the ER at one stage while she was up in the Oncology Ward.My imune system was obviously rock bottom so you must take care of yourself.I have not only had to learn to cook for one,I have had to learn to cook from scratch as beans on toast was my total talent.We married at 19 so I went from Mom's cooking to June's cooking and till now have never lived on my own. Take care.Frank G...

I have the opposite attitude to deal with the loss of my June.Every photo is still where it was.I have a small shrine on the chest of drawers in our bedroom with her ashes in front of a photo and a framed poem entitled "June" explaining the origin of the name which a friend gave her a few years ago.When my daughter and the grand-kids visit we discuss her openly and I am also making a concerted effort to visit the places we used to visit together and do some of the things we used to do together.It's hard sometimes but once it's done I feel better. The only thing I still have a problem with is music as it was such a big part of our life personally and for a long time proffesionally but I'm positive I can overcome this eventually. I think our ability to be positve is weakened when we lose the love of our life after going through the "be positive" phases of the treatments that eventually fails us.(I hope I've expressed that correctly.)

That line puts it in a 'nutshell' for me Linda.I'm trying to do the same things I did before I lost her but they seem to have little meaning. A friend who is now a paramedic (and often has to deal with family of terminal patients) but worked with us as a carpenter for many years came to visit me the other week and I think he explained grief very well.I asked him if you had to desensitise yourself and he said no.He said it's like when you learn to drive,it's all consuming at the begining and you have to think of everything you need to do in what order etc.but the more you drive the more things become easier and the all consuming feelings will slowly go away. I hope my friends comments help in some way. Frank G..

Well done NATS.My June was the garden person and I'm doing my best to keep it looking o.k.It will be 4 months for me on 3rd April and believe me it gets better.Look after yourself and make sure you eat. Regards Frank G...

If you have read my previous posts you will know I lost my wife June in December 09 after a 3 month battle with cancer.If you thought I had problems please read the next chapter in my life. I went to another funeral yesterday that of June’s uncle Danny.We hadn’t had much to do with him since the 70’s even though they live in our area (but that’s another story). The only contact was when relatives from England would visit them and they’d bring them to our band gigs and we’d all act like there were no problems. We were up to date with his life story via the local newspapers due to him becoming a councillor on the local Council and then Deputy Mayor for 3 years. Following June’s death I let their daughter know and on the same day Danny and his wife Doris (June’s dad’s sister) appeared at our house. What I didn’t know was Danny had had cancer for over 2 years. They’d removed his stomach and after 1 year of chemo he was in remmision for a year then it came back. This time the chemo. made things worse so no more could be done. I went to his funeral out of respect because they came to June’s but because of the 70’s incidents my June would not be pleased. Now the reason for the ‘someone worse off’ title. Doris cared for Danny for nearly 3 years and he wasn’t the easiest person to deal with. (They took him out of the church to “My Way” which described him perfectly). The week before Danny died Doris had a heart attack and has been in hospital since, so she couldn’t be with him in the Hospice at the end. She was bought from hospital to the funeral and took back later. She has Type 2 Diabetes and with the stress of the last 3 years her heart is so badly damaged by-pass or stent are not an option so she is on medication and has to move in with her daughter when she can leave hospital. Even though their actions in the 70’s hurt June very much after what I’ve been through in the last 6 months I feel sorry for them both especially Doris. As they left our house after that visit in December Doris looked back at me and said,”Why have we wasted the last 30 years”. Why do families wait for death to re-unite them? I hope my story helps one of you. Frank G...

I also had the garden 'thing' to set me off on Saturday.My June was the garden person and always cut the lawns etc.I have been doing my best with the mower but my daughter came round on Saturday to do it for me.I sat with the grandaughter watching TV and as the mower and edge-trimmer were in action it suddenly hit me it was my daughter not my June and this set me back for the whole weekend.I was doing alright till then. Stay strong everyone. Frank G..

Hi nats,I lost my wife on Dec.3rd 09 please believe me things do get better.It just takes time.Look after yourself and make sure you eat even if you have to do so 'by the clock' not on appitite.I feel this is most important. Frank G.

This poem was written by Marie Curry of 'The Runaways' all girl rock band succesfull in the 70's and 80's.My son is friends with them and does their web-site and she said she needed to do something when he told her about his beloved mother.It was read by a friend at June's service. Frank G. "Into The Light" When someone we love is called into the light, and into God's warm loving arms,although we will miss them within our embrace,they are free now from pain and life's harm. When someone we love is called into the light, and into Our Lord's loving care,although we can't see them doesn't mean they are gone.In our hearts they will always be there. When someone we love is called into the light, and into God's heavenly home,they'll await those they love, while they watch from above.So don't feel you are ever alone. In Loving Memory of June Written By Marie Currie

I am so happy I managed to bring a smile to your face while remembering something that originally bought tears to your eyes.Please along with me except this as a real positive.

It's strange what can trigger the tears.One day last week it was of all things food. During our 3 months of hell getting June to eat was just one of my problems.She could handle a 'weight watcher's chicken hot-pot' now and again so I stocked up on a few.Not being into this sort of thing I thought I'd try one last week.As I was eating it I suddenly thought this should be June's dinner and I had a minor melt-down. I've had another 'hot pot' tonight but with a different mental approach.She would be telling me to eat and enjoy because you can't afford to waste them now your not working.Frowned on waste and loved an ebay or 'garage sale' bargan my June.

Thanks for that.I'm happy I helped you feel a bit better.Wednesday 3rd was also 3 months since I lost my June.Isn't it strange how we keep sort of making these little anniverseries.