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Greatguy3

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Everything posted by Greatguy3

  1. Thanks Ron.... Your post made me feel a little better... sorry everyone, I wasn't (still) thinking straight. I was in shock. I think the shock is wearing off but pain is the worst yet today. I hope the moderator will move this thread... Again sorry everyone.
  2. Is this about loving myself? Every place I have ever lived in by myself was just a shell, sterile. No pictures, no nick nacks, no decorations. The women in my life would add something here and there, but I never did. Yesterday I went to buy some winter boots (as my step mom balled me out for not having any). Along with the boots, I ended up buying a hall mirror, wall clock and a couple of throw rugs. I also put some pictures up on the wall. Today I am going to buy some more items that I feel will make my house a home. I am going to buy a photo album so I can put the important pictures throught my life in a safe place. I have never done this before... is this an act self love?... It seams to make me feel a little better about myself.
  3. Thanks Korina... I am 46 and alone in a small town I moved to from Toronto a couple of years ago. I separated myself from friends and family and let the relationship be all I had.... I was so very happy, but strangely I gained weight, spent money to fill an unfillable void and sucked the relationship dry because I was not able to provide any love and caring for myself.... I now have support from my Dad and step Mom. (My step mom has been unterly giving and loving)... I had not talked to my dad for over 10 years until a week ago. I blamed him for childhood issues that that were wrecking my relationships. I blamed everyone but me.... I never gave my step mom a chance period... Turns out she is the most loving person ever. She treats me like her own son... Just what I need right now. There are so many other issues wrapped up in all this so it's not just the loss, but a film reel of my whole life... I have been carrying around 46 years of pain and anger that has set the tempo of my life and part of why I lose relationships. These issues are probably way out of the scope of this forum, but I just wanted to give more background. I am also just enrolled in Therapy... I am grieving the loss, god the pain is intense. But I have work to do on myself as well. I never took emotional care for myself before, so I am utterly terrified.... Day 8 Richard
  4. Tim, she left because of issues in the relationship... Doesn't make it easier, though... Richard
  5. Thanks for the support... I am getting through another day... I will visit. I feel better that I am not alone and that everyone has stories to share... Thanks Richard
  6. I have my Dad and step mom (thank GOD)... I had let myself get lost in the relationship.... There was no separation between myself and the relationship... we were one in identity. I need to care for myself, because I never have in my life. I am in Therapy too. I am going to find out just who I really am and weather the perfect storm of pain. Richard
  7. Thank you Susan... As you said, the only thing keeping me going is the instinct to survive... It's a rough place to be. I feel like my entire soul is gone. I go minute by minute... with wave after wave of pain ripping through me.... I feel bad, because I can't give back to anyone else as I am at the point of just barely surviving myself... Maybe one day I will be able to do what you just did for me... Thank you again Richard
  8. My name is Richard and I am a 46 year old man in the grips of the perfect storm of pain. I am so completely devestated... The girl I felt was the one has left me.... The door has slammed shut and I am at a low I never thought could possibly exist... 1 month ago, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life... It's been just 7 days now and I don't know what to do from here.... I am reaching out and I am sorry to burden people with this, but I don't know how I am going to get through this... Richard
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