jerryjam

Hi Nats, I grieve with you as you begin this new journey of life without you wife. You feel as if there is a hole in your heart because half of you has been taken away. I wish I could give you some words of wisdom that could help you but I am no expert and words do not really help much in times like this. It has been four hundred sixty three days since my other half took the greatest trip of her life as she went home to be with our Father. Her breast cancer came back in the form of several tumors in her liver. She had excellent treatment and was free of cancer when she died but the cancer and resulting treatments caused her liver cells to fail to reproduce and so her liver simply stopped functioning. Like you; I was her caregiver. However; she was very easy to care for and she was really in fairly good health except for her last two days here on earth. I am grateful that God made her death as painless as it was for her and that I was able to hold her hand and pray as she went home to be with our Father. If there is a starting point or advice it would be to continue praying and asking the Father for guidance and comfort each day. Trust Him to lead you in all things and wait upon Him. It is OK to ask God why and it is OK to cry. It is OK to be angry and tell Him what you feel. God understands and He still loves us even if we voice our anger to Him. I guess it is natural for a man to look for the love that has been lost. God made a woman to have a special kind of love and a man needs that special love. I know that I find myself longing for the physical love that is no long present. I do not mean that in a sexual way. I mean that I miss the physical presence of the love that was with me for almost forty five years. I miss holding hands, her gentle touch, her beautiful smile, and her beauty as a wonderful person, soul-mate, and friend. One mistake that I made is one you should avoid. That mistake was to start dating too quickly and getting involved with another woman too soon. I took some bad advice, started dating only seven months after my wife died, and almost got married again. The prayers of my friends and family probably were responsible for God showing me that the new woman was not suited for me and that she was not what He had planned for me. I still do know what God has planned for me but I do know that I just need to continue to trust Him everyday and to seek His will for my life. Well; I ramble. I am a singer and an old song just came to my mind: "My Jesus knows just what I need". He know what you need so ask Him to supply all of your needs. I pray that He will. JJ