It is amazing to me that it will be one year in a few days that my loved one left this earth. I have had such a transition of my whole being this year. Not only did i loose my partner of 10 years, but I lost his family also. I have not heard from any of them for this year. Life is complicated. Life left over for the loved one who is left...sucks. Maybe I expect those who have professed to love my man, who were our friends, & his, to act like they care for the shell of the person who has been ravished by his death. I tell people that I am finding my new normal. What will normal be again? Will their be a normal? What is normal anyhow. Grief is such a powerful emotion. You have to belong to that exclusive club to feel & experience it. The Death Club. The club of the most unusual pains & cruelities. I now know what it truly means to be in a "fog". I know I have made many mistakes being in the fog...but maybe that is part of finding my new normal...Learning from my mistakes. Somedays I yell...why does it all have to be so hard. I walk everyday...my walk has not gotten any easier thi s year either. Why does it have to be so hard!!! I just want my path to be revealed to me.
I started a hospice grief group in the area where I live. I guess it helps. Everyone is in the same club.
i have so many life questions that had all been answered in my life before death. Now at 62 I am reevaluating every rock I have kicked in my path of life. This is not the way retirement is ment to be. The questions that keep coming up are the same: Why? Why? Why? This is not the club I signed up for...but yet I am in the Death Club. One year later..the pain is the same. Light & peace DA of the East Bay, Ca.