Hello my name is Kevin, and this is my first time visiting. Before I say anything, I want to send out my condolences to all those who are grieving the lose of a loved one and how much I appreciate this website.
I am so sorry to write that on early Saturday morning, I had to put down my beloved max. He was, from the first day we got him at the pound, till his last day, the most well behaved and gentle dog. We called him "special needs" puppy, because he had very bad hips, which made him fragile and slow moving. I remember discovering that even I could out run him (and I am a little over weight). But he never let his hips get the best of him, he ran around the backyard and in the park, very happy but just a little slower than the others.
His death was so fast and so out of nowhere, that I am having such a difficult time finding any meaning or peace out of it. Late friday night I let him out in the backyard like I always do and he was fine, nothing wrong whatsoever! But when I called him back inside 20 minutes later, he couldn't come. I went out back to find him lying on the deck in the corner and he wasn't moving so well. His stomach was very bloated and he was having difficulty breathing. I called my father (who is a veterinarian, lives across the country) and he said to get to the emergency clinic immediately. It turned it was a torsion, his stomach literally flipped in his stomach and started bloating, and when that happens they have very little time without surgery...And I couldn't afford the surgery...I feel so horrible that I couldn't afford the surgery. I feel like it's my fault, I feel like I should have done more. That if I only sold off enough of my stuff, he would still be here....My father assured me that I made the right decision...That it was a risky surgery to begin with and he might not make it through. And, this could keep happening again and again...I layed down with him and held him for the last time that night, and it was the most awful experience.
Max was such a big part of my life. He always followed me to every room when I walked through the house and every time he walked into the room, whether I was tired and stressed or happy as could be, I felt better. I loved that I was able to pet him every day and play with him and take him on car rides and see his happy face looking out the window. I think most of all, I will miss the excitement he showed when I would start walking over the draw that had his leash. He knew where I was going every time And as soon I opened the draw and grabbed the leash, he was ecstatic.
What I am struggling with most right now is, I just can't believe he's really gone and how badly I want him back. Some part of this doesn't feel real, I think I have had dreams that have felt more real than these last few days. As I am writing this, he would normally be in the bed next to my desk. Now he's not there and I feel so cheated...and empty, like a big chunk of who I am is missing.
With all these feelings going on, I do feel lucky that I can see how much he has benefited my life and that I am a better person. I truly did cherish every moment I had with him, and know that I provided him a great life, just like he did for me. I just sooo want him back...
Thank you all very much for being here.
Thanks a lot,
Kevin
