nats

Hi Tony, First, I fully understand your hurt and heartache. Your doing the right things if there is such a thing when your grieving. It takes time to find a new normal and we hurt so bad we want it fast to ease the pain. Unfortunately it takes time to find that normal and some of never find it, my wife has been away for 8 years now and I still miss her deeply. I suggest starting a routine, something simple at first then develop as you feel comfortable. Give yourself time, you can't rush this grief monster but you can not let it hold you hostage. Be easy on yourself, eat, and sleep the best you can, the more rest and nutrition you get the better you will feel. Your using the site as was intended reaching out, we have a great group here, many helping people. I don't post much anymore but your topic got my attention, as I get new post updates via email. May peace be with you, in these troubled times. Nats

Thank You Marty...Yes I knew! I never left really, I follow daily with Notifications...just rarely posted. It's amazing how many people are still here, and how many that have left. Thanks kayc NATS

My Mask, Grief Poem Every morning I wake up and put on a mask, the mask makes everything seem alright, But they don't know I cry at night, The nightmares just won't go away If only I knew it was your last day For six years I've felt this pain The feeling just won't go away, Everyone thinks I've dealt with your death the best, but without this mask I'd be a mess. By Ellie Nazza --- I know I have a mask! NATS

Tough for me every year, my sweetheart passed on Valentines Day! This year will be extremely hard as I'm dealing with yet another loss... the woman I fell in Love with and have been with since Ruth passed, Brenda abruptly ended our 6 year relationship via text message and has not spoke to me since Nov. 27th...(another post for that one)...she was my best friend prior to us falling in Love so I am totally "back to square one" it feels with this journey of grief... The current loss has triggered "re-grief" at an incredible intensity, in fact it almost feels like Ruth just passed, I miss Ruth and Brenda both...it's quite bizarre indeed how I feel like I did in the early stages of my grief 7 year ago. The positive thing is I have taken to writing a blog, and I have my own "personal roadmap" on how to manage, as I've kept a journal. So yeah, Valentines Day will be a roller coaster indeed. NATS

Darrel, I sure miss mine also...

Darrel, I fully understand where you are....We are not alone if we have God in our life...I know it seems all a big jumbled mess right now but you are doing well...one day at a time, I wondered many times why God didn't take me instead of Ruth, I asked him to many times. One day the answer came to me, she would not have been able to deal with this ugly grief...so he left me to take it head on!!! I'm glad she does not have to face this dark, lonely road, the darn road can't be traveled without our eyes getting wet almost daily and she hated water in her eyes. Stay strong....NATS

Hi Darrel, I've reposted a response to about your leaving the forum, I'm here to help in anyway I can assist you. I detect a bit of hesitation concerning you remaining...in those days observing, I invite you to read my past posts to get to know my story. If after observing you decide to leave I respect that completely, I've known several people who did not find this type of format for them for whatever reason. First and For most right now and during this "ugly trip of grief" you must put your feelings, and yourself ahead of everything. You must find your own comfort zone whatever it may be to survive my friend because this journey never ends..."there is no getting over it" as we are told by many who have not lost a spouse... Repost... Hello My Fellow Grief Travelers, It's been quite some time since I've posted but follow the forum everyday via email notifications. I've been "traveling" this journey since 2010, please read my previous posts to get to know me. I've returned to "contribute" additional experiences, and to find a "comfort zone" once again reading and sharing this "ugly face of grief" with people who truly "Get It" as it has once again "welcomed" me for another ride, or maybe just extended this ride deeper. That will be addressed in another post. This particular message I felt the need to reply...Darrel I have read some not all of your posts, I have seen many of the "signs" as we call them throughout my approaching 7 years next month since my Dear Ruth left this world as we know it. Each one of us has a different experience, some wish they had these signs, and some are reluctant to believe they even exist. Fact is they do exist but require an open heart, open mind, and faith in a "higher power" whatever that may be for each of us. We become very sensitive during this journey, I am still today, someone says the wrong thing and I am hurt or offended, when they meant only the best that they could offer not having gone down this road. Please Do Not Leave...you are welcome here, I got my feelings hurt once on here, Marty gave me some kind of "warning' and I felt like you, I do not even recall the reason. Darrel trust me on this one, that quote above is genuine "Marty" has helped us all by posting different writings and references to "help us" down this road. In fact I will be reading the above mentioned article myself. In closing I say to you..."reconsider" your choice, we all are in the same journey, each others methods and experiences of making this trip helps us all to become stronger and get us another mile down the road. May Peace Be With You NATS

Hello My Fellow Grief Travelers, It's been quite some time since I've posted but follow the forum everyday via email notifications. I've been "traveling" this journey since 2010, please read my previous posts to get to know me. I've returned to "contribute" additional experiences, and to find a "comfort zone" once again reading and sharing this "ugly face of grief" with people who truly "Get It" as it has once again "welcomed" me for another ride, or maybe just extended this ride deeper. That will be addressed in another post. This particular message I felt the need to reply...Darrel I have read some not all of your posts, I have seen many of the "signs" as we call them throughout my approaching 7 years next month since my Dear Ruth left this world as we know it. Each one of us has a different experience, some wish they had these signs, and some are reluctant to believe they even exist. Fact is they do exist but require an open heart, open mind, and faith in a "higher power" whatever that may be for each of us. We become very sensitive during this journey, I am still today, someone says the wrong thing and I am hurt or offended, when they meant only the best that they could offer not having gone down this road. Please Do Not Leave...you are welcome here, I got my feelings hurt once on here, Marty gave me some kind of "warning' and I felt like you, I do not even recall the reason. Darrel trust me on this one, that quote above is genuine "Marty" has helped us all by posting different writings and references to "help us" down this road. In fact I will be reading the above mentioned article myself. In closing I say to you..."reconsider" your choice, we all are in the same journey, each others methods and experiences of making this trip helps us all to become stronger and get us another mile down the road. May Peace Be With You Nats

Hi Butch, 6 years here, and that Mack truck still rolls me over some days. In fact on Feb. 21st I had to put her dog down and that smashed me smack into that wall you speak of. He now rests next to his "momma" on the shrine and she has greeted him at Rainbow Bridge, now they are both waiting for me. I have learned to accept it, and go with my feelings, cry my eyes out, or whatever calms me. To tell you the truth I don't think I really want to stop grieving, because that will mean I have forgotten Ruth and no longer miss her. That will never happen as she resides forever in my heart, soul and mind...even as I love again there will always be a place in me for her. Just as my new love will always have a place for her departed husband with her. So no my brother in "grief" you are not selfish, crazy, or out of your mind you are just one of us "missing our loved ones and partners in life". One thing I've learned in the 6 years...it's okay to grieve, and go with it because, I have found if you fight it and try to reason it out things get really jumbled. "May Peace Be With You" NATS

We all know the feeling all to well. I will be at 6 years exactly to the day of the week Sunday February 14th 2010 tomorrow for me and I still feel a vast emptiness in my "heart"... Keep visiting iheartm you will find great comfort and ways to help you, in my early days I was here often, during this journey remember whatever it takes for you to feel good is all that matters. "A thousand words can't bring you back, I know because I tried. And neither can a million tears, I know because I cried." - Author unknown NATS

Hello Ricky, It's been a bit since I've posted but I continue to receive "new" post notifications and yours caught my attention with your question/topic. What you are feeling is "normal" if there is a normal to grief. It's been 5 years and 7 months since my wife/partner/best friend left this mortal world. The grief at times is still very much alive, but "manageable" now. Your question about ours loved ones is indeed a rough part of the loss, for me it took well over a year to not expect Ruth to return home. The phones calls during the day are another part that did not settle for quite some time. The last 9 months we spent every waking hour together except when she was well enough for me to work. After her passing I found myself hurrying home each day to be with her only to find an empty house. We had many stays at the hospital and the last one she did not return to our home. This goes on for quite some time, in fact I still have days that I can not believe she is no longer here. My way of coping was to talk to her, just as if she were there, at times I melted down during our conversations but it helped me. Each one of us has to find our own way of accepting the realization our loved ones are no longer here with us, but they will always be with us in our heart, mind and soul. The other factor in accepting her departure from this world is my "faith", I know one day we will be reunited once again, that is very powerful and reassuring to me. Time must be taken one day at a time during our grief as we can not hurry it up and it will never, ever really leave us, but I really don't want it to leave me completely as if that happens it means I have forgotten my beloved wife/partner/best friend, and I do not ever want to forget what we shared, even now as I write this to you I am a bundle of tears thinking and remembering the days past... I would advise you to find something that offers you comfort in any way as you move thru this very difficult time, it really doesn't matter how complex or simple it is, nor does it matter what people think if you share with them, if it helps you that is all that matters. I Pray for your comfort, and that you will find a way to also manage your loss as time goes by. May you find peace. Nats

This Year on Valentines Day was the 5 Year point for me... Ruth was heavy on my mind and the days leading up to the 14th were a rolling wave of grief, I kept positive and spent the evening with my best friend. The missing part just never leaves us! NATS

Hello My Friends, Been away for a bit...Harry your post is "reality" and as normal you express and convey in a way that reaches us all. The world is so suppressed in so many ways your topic being one of the area's, many things that are given to happen in "Life" are never talked about or are just plain ignored. I have said many times we as people teach about almost everything except some basic "Life" experiences we must all face at some time. Death being the biggest "fact of life", while the grief will still engulf us I am sure but if we are taught some of the feelings and facts of this most inevitable experience that we will face we might just be a little better prepared, of course nothing can compare but we would have an idea...kinda like prepping a flight crew what to do and expect during a disaster in flight. Your topic is much the same, during this journey we all are on most of us never gave this a thought until later in the process I know I didn't, but as time passed i also went down this road...no Harry as normal your post is something to give us all something to reflect on and explore our feelings...in yet another aspect of the grieving process. Peace Be With You Nats

Texylady... We understand your pain and agony, you've found a very safe haven with lots of great people a place you will find many answers to this journey you are now on. I want to say your on the right path already and seem to have noticed something many of us didn't discover until days, weeks or months after our losses, and that's what you wrote " I can't bring him back, but I am trying to save my own life right now " that is indeed your main mission now as this journey is exhausting and like a big roller coaster. Take things day by day, you are the main focus as you must find some comfort, don't worry about the little things and go with your heart. I know all to well about the cleaning, sorting and letting go, I'm at 4 years now since my wife Ruth passed and I'm still finding, sorting and letting go. One thing that helps is positive energy, lots of crying, and talking to the ones who understand you can share here and not be judged and you will find much support, so use everyone here to find the answers and comfort you seek, it's a wonderful healing resource. May Peace Be With You... Nats

Chris, Here I forgot to attach, been a while since I've been here. That was one of her favorite pieces of furniture. NATS