Roxy-
my stepfather gary, was not sick (well, he had diabetes, and because of our(my moms and mine) experience with my real dad, we thought a bad heart. his doc didnt agree (long story)) but he was passive agressive, bullheaded, and to much of a narcisist to see anyones opinion but his own. in truth, he gave me more random bruises just my walking by me than i got with soccer and middle school combined. But- he died over the summer, and it was kind of a relief to me because he never let up. i felt guilty that i never cried, but i never relly loved him, so... i am 14. my real dad died so long ago i dont remeber him, and i had a scare with my mom not long ago when an idiot made a left turn in front of her while his light was red. really, i think just i dont know... im thinking lots of things, but i cant seem to put them into words. i can try, and im sorry if this is confusing. you are... an angel, who given the circumstances, coulde be a wonderful reason for your father to live. my stepdad had 2 sons, and he was so alike to one that they could never get along. the angel thing actually has symbolism if you knew anything about me, as i write poetry, and one of my poems is about angels. your dad might just not be able to send the messages that he loves you because he does, of this i am certain. its not your fault, any of it. there is a woman at my church who had lung cancer. she was in and out of the hospital, lost one lung, and now is as healthy as the next person, minus a little stamina because of the whole one lung thing. randy, the son who is so much like gary, scerwed up his life a year or so before gary died. somehow he rediscovered God and now has a house, a steady job, and is engaged. he completely turned his life around. in my head this made sense, im sorry. i already used my whole allowance of good wording today, since i wrote a poem earlier. (lol) well, if you can make sense of wjat i just typed, i hope it was at least interesting.
-sari