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sari

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Everything posted by sari

  1. Roxy- my stepfather gary, was not sick (well, he had diabetes, and because of our(my moms and mine) experience with my real dad, we thought a bad heart. his doc didnt agree (long story)) but he was passive agressive, bullheaded, and to much of a narcisist to see anyones opinion but his own. in truth, he gave me more random bruises just my walking by me than i got with soccer and middle school combined. But- he died over the summer, and it was kind of a relief to me because he never let up. i felt guilty that i never cried, but i never relly loved him, so... i am 14. my real dad died so long ago i dont remeber him, and i had a scare with my mom not long ago when an idiot made a left turn in front of her while his light was red. really, i think just i dont know... im thinking lots of things, but i cant seem to put them into words. i can try, and im sorry if this is confusing. you are... an angel, who given the circumstances, coulde be a wonderful reason for your father to live. my stepdad had 2 sons, and he was so alike to one that they could never get along. the angel thing actually has symbolism if you knew anything about me, as i write poetry, and one of my poems is about angels. your dad might just not be able to send the messages that he loves you because he does, of this i am certain. its not your fault, any of it. there is a woman at my church who had lung cancer. she was in and out of the hospital, lost one lung, and now is as healthy as the next person, minus a little stamina because of the whole one lung thing. randy, the son who is so much like gary, scerwed up his life a year or so before gary died. somehow he rediscovered God and now has a house, a steady job, and is engaged. he completely turned his life around. in my head this made sense, im sorry. i already used my whole allowance of good wording today, since i wrote a poem earlier. (lol) well, if you can make sense of wjat i just typed, i hope it was at least interesting. -sari
  2. beautifulmistakes- i am the same way, except with my stepfather. durong his funeral i did not shed a tear, and now i feel guilty because i don't feel anything... my father was my idol, but as i said he died when i was seven so i never really knew him, barely remember him, but i will always love him more than my stepdad. please do not think of me as cold hearted, because i am one of the most compassionate people you will meet once you get to know me. -sari
  3. i will never get a chance to walk down any aisles remotly greater than the hallway of my first day of first grade. My father died in the middle of that year. I was wondering the same thing, even though i am 14 and a wedding is a long way off. I kind of feel sad that He will never be there to see anything I accomplish or be at my graduation from hs and colledge.
  4. When i was 7 years old my real father passed. He was already in the hospital, and when my mom and I got the call in the middle of the night. We drove to the hospital, where we were told he was dead. Being 7, I did not know whta was going on. I did not understand that my Daddy was gone forever until they closed the casket. I remember almost nothing about him. What i do remember is spotty. On the night he died when we had visited him a few hours before, i had sang to him. It was the last time i saw my father smile. a year later my mom began dating a man who would become my stepfather. They were married in June, the week between their birthdays. Only after they had been married did we find out who Gary, my stepdad, really was. Besides being passiveaggressive, he tried to get me in trouble with everyone for everything, and would yell at me for something he did. 6 years later, he died while I was running on a dam in northeastern ohio. The drs said it was a heart attack. Because of the way he treated me, the only brief time I cried during the funeral was for the loss of life, not for any love. I knew him more than my real dad, who I barely remember, yet I love my father more than I could ever love Gary. I feel a little guilty that I dont feel any sorrow. What I truly regret is never taking the time to know my real dad. Recently after the passing of my steodad and other various relatives, I began writing poetry. One title is Angels. angels are beings who give us love, comfort,hope, support, and in some cases a shoulder to cry on. Angels are all around us, acting and speaking with angelness. angels can even be those who have gone before. I know a few angels. 3 are in heaven sleeping peacefully on clouds or dropping snow down. One is reading this poem right now. Do you know any angels? -sari
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