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jodo

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Everything posted by jodo

  1. Hi Niam, I don't know if you'll get this or not ? I am writing this from my cell phone. I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today . I am in a total panic because I can't navigate the site and find the personal messages. I hope I can figure out how to send you a message? Please know that I miss you, and look so forward to "talking" to you! Love you ! , Big Hugs !! Jodi. : )
  2. Hi Miss Ngu, I'm really surprised that no other females have responded to this question ?? I am also peri-menopausal, and it DOES affect the whole grieving process. I lost my Dad over 2 years ago, and I am still in a state of extreme, paralyzing grief. The fact that I am "Peri", makes everything 100 times worse, and especially right before my "cycle" , I cry all the time, but even more at that time ! I also have missed about 3 periods since my Dad died, I figured because my body was so stressed ?? I too wish that it would just be over with ! I am trying to get through it without anti-depressants, etc., but there's some days I just don't think I'll make it ! I wish I had some answers for you , maybe someone else will make a post that can help us ? Was the 1 year anniversary tough for you ?? The 1st one for me was VERY hard, I really think it will be hard for the rest of my life Well, Thank-you for making this post, maybe more people will respond ? Wishing you Peace and Comfort, Jodi
  3. Hi Daughter2010, I know exactly how you are feeling, I also lost my Dad 2 years ago, and I can relate to everything you write. I also have trouble making posts lately. I read alot , but never have the energy (or the words) to answer any I don't know what I'd do without this site, because just as you said - other friends, etc. just don't "get it", My grief is still as painful as it was 2 years ago. I don't know why I'm not "getting better" ?? I can only think that it's because I loved my Dad SO very much, and life will never be the same without him. I'm glad to hear from you , There seemed to be a lot of us "Daddy's girls" that joined this site around the same time, and it seems we are all still having a hard time. I'll be thinking about you , Hope you write again soon. Love and hugs, Jodi
  4. Hi again Tippi, That was interesting what you said about your Dad being so happy when he looked at all the decorations. When I read that I started crying , I remembered how my Dad was also was so happy with the tree that I had bought him that year, and loved all the lights, etc. I bought a little tree this year (because I started thinking -if my Dad's "spirit" is with me, maybe he'd like to have a tree !!) I just haven't had the energy to decorate it yet, but it really smells good ! My Dad had a stroke and went into a coma early Christmas eve, and never came out of it, We had to disconnect his life support on Dec.30th. We had just been making plans earlier that day about how we would spend Christmas eve, and Christmas, and then poof he was gone. I still cry ALL the time. Maybe you have given me a new way to think about Christmas ?? Maybe I can do some things to honor my Dad too, since he loved Christmas so very much. I know what you mean about going to his favorite restaurants,etc., It's something I haven't been able to do yet, maybe in time I will ?? Well, Thank-you Tippi , I hope to talk to you soon. Hugs, Jodi
  5. Hello Tippi, Welcome to this site. I am so sorry about the loss of your Dad and Mom, Your story is so heartbreaking. You must be a very strong person. It's sad that you can't talk to your sisters about everything It is nice to have this site, and to have people that truly understand, and will listen for as long as you need. I understand how difficult this time of year is for you, I am also having a very hard time. My Dad died on Dec. 30th, 2009. I haven't been able to celebrate Christmas since. I don't know if I'll ever be able to again? Do you live in the same town that your parents lived in ? I still live in the same town, and find it very hard because everything around me is a constant reminder of my Dad, and it's just too painful. I understand also about the regrets that you have. I too have those, and sometimes I wonder if they will haunt me the rest of my life ? I can understand that your Mom probably just wanted to be with your Dad, 58 years together was such a long time. Almost everyday I just wish I could be with my Dad. I hope you'll continue to write , I have been on this site for almost 2 years now. I read a lot of the posts, but I don't write much, because I don't know what to say anymore ?! But, I did want to write to you and let you know I can totally relate. I wish you Peace, Love and comfort Tippi, Jodi
  6. Hi Everyone, Today would have been my Dad's Birthday,(this is the second one without him) I have cried all day, and my eyes are raw. I want to join this discussion about Medical negligence, etc. (It is something that haunts me everyday - the fact that the doctors did something that caused my Dad's death) I just don't have the energy to write tonight. I just wanted to say for now that I can totally relate to everything all of you have said regarding this. I needed this tonight -(to read these things that you all have written), I don't feel so alone. I'm sending all of you a big hug, and will write more soon, Jodi
  7. Hi Leslie, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, and what you are feeling right now. I wanted to let you know that I feel exactly like you do. I lost my Dad on Dec. 30th, 2009 (20 months ago today) My whole world changed on that day and it will never be the same again. I,(like you) feel no joy, or happiness at all. I am still in terrible pain , Almost every single day I wonder how I can even go on in life without him. I still cry constantly, like you had said- it seems even worse as time goes on because of the reality that I'm not going to see him again. I have attended grief support groups, and have been on this site ever since it happened, and though they have both been "lifesavers", I just realize that there's no one that can really "help" me, and that makes me panic, and feel SO lonely. Your Dad really sounds like an awesome person, that truly loved life. It's just not fair that wonderful people like your Dad, and mine are taken, and that "bad" people live on ??? Do you ever feel like your Dad is "with" you ?? Did you ever have any kind of "signs" ? I just ask because it is interesting to hear what others think about this. Sometimes I ask for signs from my Dad and I believe he hears me . I will look forward to hearing more from you. (and would love to hear more about your Dad too) Wishing you Peace, and comfort, and sending you a BIG hug, Jodi
  8. Hi Niam ! What a wonderful surprise to find your note !! Yes, it was a really rough day for me. I just happened to come to the site tonight because I was so lonely and depressed ! Seeing your message made me feel so much better ! Thank-you , and I'll talk to you soon on the PM (when you're able to ) Love you too !! Jodi
  9. Hi Sharla !! It's great to hear from you !!! Just yesterday when I was on this site I was thinking about you and wondering how you were ?!! I can relate to EVERY word that you wrote , It's been 17 months since I lost my Dad , and I am still having a very hard time. Like you, I just don't feel like myself, I miss the happy person I used to be (before my Dad died ) I have withdrawn from a lot of friends and family because I feel they are thinking I should be doing better by now. I still feel like you do about the whole God and heaven thing, I consider myself agnostic too. Of course there are people who would tell me because I "don't believe"- that it's the reason I'm still having a hard time ! Nope, I don't buy that ! Anyways, enough of that ! As far as signs from my dad, my Mom and I have had some. The thing that usually happens , is I will ask my Dad to send me a butterfly to tell me he's ok,and that he can hear me, and within seconds a butterfly will appear !! And, the thing is- I live in the dry desert, there are no flowers or grass to attract butterflies (so they are a rare sighting!) Maybe you could try to ask that ? I hope you can get to the bottom of your stomach pains ?? I think maybe our grief does bad things to our bodies. I hope that's all it is, and nothing serious. Keep us posted ! Well,I'm sending you love and hugs Sharla, and hope to hear more from you ! Love, Jodi
  10. Dear Where'd she go, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious wife. Her story was so heartbreaking. I have been a member of this site for over a year now, but I hardly ever post because I just don't have the words.... This is one of those times, I wish I could say something to comfort you I know many say that it gets "better" or easier, but for me that hasn't happened. I lost my wonderful Dad 15 months ago, and I am still a wreck - my grief is still as raw and painful as the first day. I can't imagine how painful it must be for you , losing the Love of your life. I think you both were lucky to have each other for all the years you did, many never experience that kind of Love. I know that doesn't ease ANY pain, (people tell me all the time how lucky I was to have my Dad as long as I did, but it wasn't LONG ENOUGH ) You will find SO much Love and support on this site, especially from others who have lost a husband or wife. I know it has been a literal "lifesaver" to be able to come here, and to realize that I'm not alone in all the crazy emotions that I experience. I will look forward to reading more of your posts, and I, and many others will always be here for you. I wish you Peace and comfort. Jodi
  11. Thanks for letting us know Niam !! I would have been worried about you !! I'll look forward to hearing from you whenever you can write . Love and Hugs, Jodi
  12. Dear Senior, I wish so much that I could tell you that it goes away, but at 13 months after losing my Dad I'm in the same boat you are. I've been told a hundred times " Oh, it will get better", and "Time heals", Well I can't see that, Right now I feel like for as long as I live I will grieve deeply for my Dad, I have trouble even imagining the rest of my life without him. I'm sorry, It's not the answer you were hoping for to your question, but at least you know you're not alone. Love, and Peace to you, Jodi
  13. Dear lostinthought, First of all, I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear Grandpa, I understand completely why you're feeling the way you are. It sounds like your Grandpa was your best friend, and your "world" . And, on top of your pain and grief, you have all the family "issues". All of these emotions put together are more than any person should ever have to deal with. I lost my Dad 13 months ago, and I'm barely functioning ! I still cry all the time, and miss him SO much, it STILL feels unreal to me that he is gone. I also have anger like you, but mine is towards the hospital (We believe they killed him). I'm sorry that it's hard to be around your Grandma right now, Is it because it's hard to be in her house without your Grandpa there ? Does she know how hard you are taking all of this ? Well, I'm so glad you shared your story, and you will find many on this site that are feeling the exact same way that you are. I wish you Peace, comfort, and Love Hope to hear from you again soon, Love, Jodi
  14. Dear Cowboy daughter, I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear Father. You have come to the right place, this site has helped me so much in this horrible journey of grief. I lost my Dad on Dec.30th,2009, and even though it's been 13 months I still have unbearable pain, and still cry a lot. My Dad was my best friend too ! I miss him so much, and I know exactly what you're feeling right now . There's something so special about a father/daughter relationship, I never realized just how great it was until he was gone. It sounds like you were really close to your Dad, and that you lived nearby him too ? You're so lucky that you got to talk to him everyday. I wish I had some words to help you right now Just know that I, and many others are here to listen. Sending you a Hug, and a wish for comfort and peace, Jodi
  15. Dear Princess Peanut, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my Dad one year ago and it still feels like yesterday, I still cry all the time, and don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I also have gained A LOT of weight. I feel like you do in the way that I don't ever think I'll return to being that happy, free spirit that I was all my life I have withdrawn from all of my friends because I feel like nobody understands how I can still be grieving so hard after a year. I don't know what I would do without this site ? Everything you wrote sounds like I had written it myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst from keeping all these thoughts, and all this sadness inside of me. It helps a little to read these posts, and to write occasionally, but nothing really eases the burning pain of missing my Dad, and all the painful memories associated with his death. Well, at least you know that you are not alone in what you're feeling. I'll be here for you. Peace, Love, and a BIG hug, Jodi
  16. Dear John, Thank-you so very much for the suggestion of this movie, I hope I can find it playing somewhere soon ! Is it a "mainstream" movie ? Well, I sure look forward to seeing it. I have been grieving the loss of my Dad for a year now, and I welcome any suggestions on ANYTHING that might help with this pain. I have never read your posts , but,what you and Jack had sounds like such a wonderful Love story, and I will look very forward to reading your book one day. Thank-you again ! Love and Peace, Jodi
  17. Dear BellaRosa, Thank-you for sharing your very painful story. I am so very sorry about the loss of your dear, precious Mom. I, and so many others on this site know exactly what you are feeling right now. The feeling that you are going "crazy" is very normal I think, Even a year after my loss I still feel like that sometimes, and wonder if I'll ever be normal again ? I lost my Dad one year ago, it was all very sudden. Like your Mom, they put my Dad into an induced coma,then inserted a ventilator, and that was it- I was never able to talk to him again. We removed his life support a week later. I almost feel like I died that day as well, I feel like I will never be the same. I know you'll read about many different forms of grief from everyone here, It's amazing the different ways that people handle it (or don't), This site has been a lifesaver for me ! At one year, I am almost still in as much pain and shock as I was the first month. I can't get over the fact that my Dad is never coming back, and all the things I wish I had said to him ,etc. I also got a prescription for anti-anxiety drugs , I take them every once in awhile when I'm having a REALLY bad day. Do you have any support groups near where you live ? I started going to one a month after my Dad died, and I'm still going !! Of course nothing can take away the pain, but sometimes it's nice to just let it all out (in person) and have the hugs, etc. I can only speak from my own experience when I say don't be surprised if your still feeling like this for months. I know that you are so worried about your Dad right now, it's great that you live so close to him. Do you work right now ? I just wondered if you had the added stress of trying to "function" like normal in a workplace ?? Well, I hope to read more from you, We are all here for you. I wish you Peace and Comfort. I'm sending you a BIG hug, Love, Jodi
  18. Dear Nicholas, I am so very sorry about the loss of your son, I don't know the words to say of course. I know the loss of a child must be one of the hardest things in the world to deal with. I myself have no children so I can only relate in my own grief that I am struggling with. My Father died last year on Dec. 30th. He, like your son,was in a coma (also something that came on suddenly) for a few days,and on a ventilator, and we had to turn it off. I am living with guilt, and horrible memories of that. I understand completely what you said about not even wanting to get up out of bed, AND thinking about the empty days and years ahead. I still cry almost everyday, I can't see any "light" at the end of the tunnel. I am sorry that what I've written sounds so depressing (it's just my reality). I just wanted to let you know that I could relate to some of what you're going through. It's great that you found this site, It has helped me through a VERY rough year. I know that you'll meet some wonderful people here, and I'm sure they will be able to offer more "comforting" words than I have. I am not a religious person, but always thought if I were to choose one it would be Buddhism , After my Dad died I read one of the books I have by the Dalai Lama (I'm sure I spelled his name wrong!) It brought me some peace, He is an amazing human being! Nicholas, I wish you peace , and comfort, and look forward to hearing from you again. Jodi
  19. Dear Niam , What a BEAUTIFUL poem !! I know that I , and all the other "Daddy's girls" out there can totally relate to EVERY word that you wrote. Thank-you for sharing this ! Love, and Hugs !!, Jodi xoxo
  20. Dear Nancy, I can relate so much to what you wrote, I also live out in the country, and we had to call the volunteer paramedics (last Christmas Eve morning- My Dad went into a coma and died a few days later ) , Seeing the ambulance lights , or even worse for me -the lifeline helicopter(which they put him on), always sends me into a panic, and unbearable sadness. I have been reading some of your posts recently, but don't know your story ? (I will try to look at old posts and find it) How long has it been since you lost Don ? Was it sudden ? I'm so sorry I am still struggling with terrible grief, sadness , and "Post traumatic stress" even though it's been almost a year since my Dad died, I honestly am not able to see ANY light at the end of this long, dark tunnel, and don't know if I ever will? You seem like a very strong woman , that gives me some bit of hope that one day I might be also ? I'll look forward to reading more of your posts. Sending you a big Hug ! Love, Jodi
  21. Hi Niam, I've been thinking about you every single day, and of course have been so worried about you. Sending you a Big hug. Love you, and miss you. Jodi
  22. Hi Bleu-berry, Thank-you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I also lost my Dad almost a year ago - It was very sudden, He went into a coma on Christmas eve, and we had to take him off life support on Dec. 30th. I still have unbearable pain and grief. I (like you) struggle daily with the visions in my mind of those last days and hours, and it's even gotten worse lately (leading to terrible anxiety attacks) I am looking into hypnosis , acupuncture, or ANYTHING that might help with this. I wish I had the answers for you , I keep hoping everyday that someone is going to suggest some miracle solution ? I am truly "stuck", I don't feel like doing anything at all, life is meaningless. I completely understand when you say your life has changed, I don't think I'll ever be the same again ? I don't know what else to say, just that I (and everyone here) will be with you on this journey. Love and Peace to you, Jodi
  23. Dear Katie, I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandpa, I was very close to my Grandparents and when they died I felt such sadness (no matter what the circumstance, or the age) You're lucky that you got to spend time with your Grandpa, (there are SO many people that never get a chance to "know" their grandparents ) Is your Grandma doing alright ? This must be SO hard for her, she is very lucky to have you. My thoughts will be with you, and we'll all be here to listen if you have anything else you want to share. Love and Peace to you, Jodi
  24. Hi Anthony, Thank you for that suggestion ! I will buy that book, I'm always looking for ANYTHING that might help me ! Jodi
  25. Dear Sharla, I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your Dad, and that my thoughts are with you. There are no other "words" right now , but we'll all be here for you in case other emotions surface when you least expect them to. Sending you hugs, Peace, and lots of Love.
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