Alecia

I am in your exact situation. I lost my only child at 18 months of age. She wasn't sick or in pain. Her death was an extremely preventable daycare incident. We now are having to gear up for a trial since they charged her daycare provider with Involuntary Manslaughter. I have an extremely hard time hearing people say she is in a better place. My child wasn't in pain or sick. How is she in a better place, when her place is here by my side. On the other hand I envy peoples complete faith in a higher being because I know it gives them great comfort. I just can't bring myself to have that faith yet. I AM SO ANGRY. One thing I did want to tell you is what was said at our daughters funeral. My husbands cousing conducted Ava's funeral and he told eveyone in attendances that it is ok to be angry at God (or whomever oyur faith praises). He can take it and He understand. Maybe if you tell yourself that, you will have a little comfort.

Hello. I am new to this forum. I haven't allowed myself the luxury of talking with people who have been through similar situations yet. My husband and I lost our daughter, Ava 18 months, almost a year ago. The anniversary is 4/13 so maybe that is why I am now willing to open up to others like me. My duaghters death was completely unexpected, unneccesary, and extremely preventable. My daughter died of strangulation when she fell on top of a homemade fence in the basement at a new daycare (it was her first morning). The provider is awaiting trial for involuntary manslaughter because she was extremely negligent in the care she gave my daughter. Because of the pending trial, my husband and I are really limited to the information we are given from the DA's office. There have been some details given to us. She had 14 children in her care the day my daughter died, she has a history of violating daycare rules and regulations, and she was no where near my daughter that morning. It takes a child 8-10 minutes to die from strangulation. She was our only child and was the light of our lives. We still have a hard time getting through each day because it seems so empty without her. We have had a horrible year following her death and we just found out that someone else claimed her as a dependent on their taxes for 2009. We now have to prove to the IRS that she was ours. No parent should ever have to do that, much less when their child is deceased. We have also tried to do things in her memory. I started a website shortly after her death educating parents on daycares, www.daycareaware.com and we have also lent our voice to an important daycare bill trying to pass this year in Kansas. This has involved us speaking in front of many politicians and media. It has been a struggle. We have had many providers speak out against this bill. I know people are afraid of change, but sometimes we have to embrace it when it means better protection for children. Needless to say they have directed their anger towards us and trying to deduce what we did wrong on the day our daughter died. We are not able to stick up for ourselves because we can't comment on the case. It has been a tough road for my husband and mines marriage, but I think we are getting stronger. We do not want to be parents that let the death of a child get in the way of our love and a potential child in the future. Besides we promised our little girl that we wouldn't let this tear us apart. I guess what I am having trouble with is family. It seems like I no longer talk about anythign else but the trial, the bill, and now the IRS mess. I would love for one of them to call me and just talk about nothing. Also I am trying to not let my jealousy get in the way. Two of my sisters in the last 2 1/2 months have become first time mommies and it is so hard seeing their joy when they look at their new child. Another thing that bugs me is when they remind me that they are grieving to. I know that, but they also have other things in their lives that help them get away from the pain. My husband and I eat, sleep, and breathe this pain everyday. Any advice on how to handle these things is greatly appreciated. Alecia