One week ago, Tuesday, Oct. 14th, I lost my dear Baxter (a beautiful 5 year-old Red Merle Australian Cattle Dog, Beagle Mix) to a speeding hit-and-run driver. I have 3 other dogs and they, as did Baxter, always spend most of their time indoors, but roam in and out through a dog door. On this day, our housekeeper was cleaning, so I had to keep them in the backyard for a few hours. Baxter got out of the backyard by knocking through a broken fence post. I realized that he had gotten out about 5 minutes too late...as I jumped into my car to drive through the neighborhood to search for him, my neighbor (whose dog survived a hit-and-run driver 2 or 3 weeks before) came to tell me that a dog had been hit and was lying in the road. I'll never forget how he looked as I picked him up from the road - though he had no remarkable wounds - his stillness and the realization that he wasn't breathing struck me hard. I've adopted all of my dogs from rescues and Baxter was my first - he'd been with me for 4 years...I brought him home 6 months before I met my wonderful husband. We can't have children of our own...so we consider all our dogs as our children. But, Baxter and I had a very special bond..we took special care of each other...he slept above my head in bed everynight and would paw at my chest to wake me in the morning. I miss him so much...he meant everything to me...and I never had imagined I would lose him so suddenly...or that he would die in such a manner. There is an ache in my heart and my stomach...and an empty, lonely feeling in our home. And I wonder what the other dogs - Sadie, Kelsey and Winston - know, think and feel...Sadie & Baxter were very close buddies. And, I pray that Baxter didn't feel any pain. Things seem so unreal right now - I so wish he would come running around the corner or that I would wake up and it wouldn't be true. I hurt and I feel guilty...if I had checked on him earlier he might not have gotten out of the yard and he'd still be here. Everyone says not to blame myself, but I was his caretaker and ultimately responsible for making sure this didn't happen. He is my little boy and I'm so sad. I also get so angry when I think about the driver - that he was speeding, didn't try to stop (there are no skid marks on the road from braking), and didn't stop afterward. They just called from the vet as I was writing the last sentence to let me know I could come and pick-up his remains. I miss my baby so much.
