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doggiedude

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Everything posted by doggiedude

  1. I suppose I should begin this with an introduction of myself. My name is Andrew & I lost my Tammy about a month ago. I've been reading many of the posts that have been put up and just haven't felt real comfortable with starting my own. It seems that so many of you are recovering from these life-long marriages that have ended in such pain & for that I feel so sorry for you all. This, however, is not my situation, Tammy & I had been living together for only about 2.5 years. We both had our history of disastrous marriages and both of us seemed very content to stick with the living together status. Of course, none of this has any real meaning to me on the topic of commitment to each other or as to how much we loved each other. I only bring it up because so many of the other members of this group have a history of multi-decade relationships & I guess in some small way in the back of my mind it makes me feel "less than" or something like that. While writing this stuff I seem to find myself concentrating on the things that make me different than the rest of you rather than the things we have in common. It seems many of you ( with your loved one )endured some sort of disease process that ended in their passing. Unfortunately, for me, I came home from work & found her in bed having passed away in her sleep. There doesn't seem to be much in the way of answers as to why she died. She did have a history of sleep apnea and COPD but neither were severe enough at this point to have caused this. She also had two suicide attempts in the previous 18 months but considering this all happened 3 days before a Las Vegas vacation that she was very much looking forward to that seems like an improbability. Once again, why she is gone means less to me than the fact that she IS GONE. I have gone through the death of my mother about 7 years ago and at least with her we had about a year to get used to the idea before the cancer took her. With Tammy there has been nothing but shock in every regard. I started this message with the topic of "missing parts", the third paragraph seems like a good place to get around to the topic. It began in the first couple of days after her death, the pain I was feeling was so unbearable that it was like I was missing a limb. One of the disadvantages that I had in my relationship with Tammy being so brief as compared with many of you, is that we were still in that early relationship stage that generally excludes other people. To but it bluntly, In the previous 3 years, except for the time that I spent at work, I doubt that there was more than a few hour stretch that we spent apart. So to go from a relationship that was so tightly wound to having her not by my side has dealt me a crushing blow that I'm having a difficult time accepting. There are sooooo many more things I'd like to write about right now, however, it's now 6:45am local time. I haven't gone to sleep yet and I desperately need to. Thank you for anyone who listened to my little rant. Andy
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