Deb§

I find myself when reading the replies crying my heart aching for you all too, I am so glad there is some1 out there who knows what I'm feeling and that I am not alone.I never got to say goodbye to her she was already comatosed by the time I reached the hospital, like I said shopping one day a phone call the next telling me she was in hospital and not expected to make it through the night well she did but her lungs were completely filled wiht fluid, when I got there her hands were already purple from lack of oxygen. If I could have heard her speak that last time perhaps this would have been a little easier to accept. Thank you all for being there for me hugs and much heartache

loulou, Thank you...Mommy wasn'y only my best friend but my life...I remember always telling her I would never survive without her but here I still am and the only reason I haven't taken my own life is because I whispered in her ear that I would be the strong person she always know I could be. Its hard...I have no friends as for the family the only ones I keep close to me our my children and sister, I have stopped talking to my brothers and every1 else in the family.One day we are grocery shopping the next day she is dead...where is the fairness in that? Where is the fairness of the disrespect my step-father showed to her by leaving her in a damn white box on a chruch stage, where is the fairness she was crenmated but there is no grave to visit he put her ashes in the water..where was my say in that???? Didn't he realize I needed that gravesite to accept her death, he was nothing but a stingy man thought only of himself and for that I have no forgiveness in my heart for him.My Mom is with me everyday I talk to her I go on as if she is still here in my mind she is just off on a holiday.....they say it gets better with time but I am just over 2 years and the heartache I feel is as strong as the day she died. I feel so hopeless...I have died inside. Her bday was just on the 16th

niamh, Thank you for the reply, even tho it was 08 like I said I am stuck on that day and it seems I can't move on. As for the therapy...me myself don't find it helps me any better all I do is talk about Mommy and still no tears. I think it will be on the person themselves if it works... I am just not accepting that she is gone. I still call her phone number everyday, I find myself talking to her but *sad* never a reply.

I lost my Mother suddenly on December 14th 08 and it still feels like the day they pulled the plug on her I haven't cried for her even tho I want to the tears just won't come. She was not only my Mother but my best friend in the whole wide world.To be honest in my mind if I cry then I have to fully realize she is gone 4ever from my life.I am going crazy and don't know what to do, my therapist suggested joining a grief group so that brings me to you all...perhaps talking about it will help some I'm hoping....thank you all for listening. Debs