I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's hard enough to deal with any loss, but adding other factors like the ones you describe in your family makes it so much more difficult. I can identify with a lot of your experiences, although not directly. My boyfriend of 3 years lost his step-brother, who was also one of his closest friends, when he was killed in a car accident last July. 5 years ago their younger sister died of cancer, and his best friend died of an overdose a few years before that while my boyfriend was away in the Military. He has lost so many people close to him so young, and it seems like he just can't deal with it. I don't think he ever really dealt with his best friend and step-sister's deaths and since his brother died last summer, it feels like he is angry all the time, or the slightest thing can set him off, even though he is naturally a very sweet person. He doesn't want to talk about his brother or how he feels about it, but he is also not a very talkative person. We spent a lot of time across country with his family to help support after the accident (his step-mom is also fighting cancer), and I feel like I have tried everything to help him through this. I tried talking, I tried just being patient, I tried helping with everything, I tried giving him space. His anger and sadness is really affecting our relationship because he won't deal with it or accept that it is a problem. I feel like he is really depressed, not just because of his shortened temper, but also because nothing seems to bring him joy, he is very moody, he is not motivated to do anything, he has trouble sleeping and all kinds of physical aches and pains. I have asked him to go to counseling, either alone or together, and he is very resistant. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I don't know how long I can live like this. He says counseling doesn't work, and since he normally doesn't like to talk anyway, talking to a stranger is definitely not an incentive. So if it helps, what you are feeling seems definitely normal, but I say try the counseling anyway, it couldn't hurt and it will probably make your boyfriend and daughter feel better. I wish there was someway I could convince my boyfriend that it isn't weakness but strength to seek help. I just want him to be able to be happy again. It hurts me to see him so sad, especially since he can't see how different he is. I believe the ones that left us would wish us to live life to its fullest, to love and be loved, and to appreciate the beauty of the world around us while we have the chance. I hope you find peace and the answers you are looking for, through counseling or otherwise. Take care and don't give up.
