Butterfly9

Dear Niamh, Thanks so much for your support and understanding of what I am going through. I know it was hard for you also when your 1-year mark came up last December. I agree about the one-way conversations. I sure wish I could hear my Dad's response. Yes, I too have a lot going on and need my Dad's advice. This new life really feels unreal. Maybe my friend feels uncomfortable around people who have lost a loved one. Maybe he doesn't know what to say? I really don't know. My other friend lost her Dad I believe at age 89. I feel jealous because she had her Dad longer. I feel jealous of other people who still have their Dads. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. I know I have to look at it as a blessing that I had my precious Dad in my life even if it wasn't as long as I hoped he'd be here. That is so awesome Niamh to have your bathroom lights flicker on your Dad's 1st anniversary and it still continues here and there. Your Dad wanted to make sure that it was indeed him who made the lights flicker again. He did not want you to think it was a coincidence. He was there listening to you as you were talking to him. I think that is so neat. I too long for more ADCs and I'm sure in time we will receive more. We just have to look for the signs. At first I felt terrible waking up when I had a normal dream with my Dad. I would wake up and then reality sets in that my Dad is no longer here in the physical form. The horrible pain I would feel. However, now I look at it as a gift even if it might not be a visitation just a normal every day dream.. I can at least see my Dad in the physical form like when he was here and that brings me happiness. Are your normal dreams very vivid and you can remember a lot of details? Sometime it can be a simple visit to just say hi I'm still here with you. Lately I have been having some terrible dreams again of him being sick. I hate those dreams. I do believe in time you will have a dream visit from your Dad. I'm hoping for one from my Dad too. I'm trying meditation again. Actually guided mediation and see if I can connect with my Dad. It is setup in beautiful garden and then towards the end it says someone is walking towards you, see who it is, recognize them. Hear what they have to say.. I really don't know what to expect. I did hear my name in my voice and one time I saw a vision of my Dad and he was younger. Not sure if it was me or actually connecting with my Dad. Meditation is not easy at least not for me. It is hard to really quiet the mind. You have to clear everyday things out until it isn't cluttered anymore and then I believe that is when you are in complete meditation to connect with loved ones. I am trying to practice almost every day for about 30 minutes. I also find that the breathing technique isn't so easy either. Maybe in time I will be able to meditate correctly. I too believe it is only a temporary separation from our Dads. It is just so hard though. Sending you hugs ((((( ))))), love comfort and strength, Butterfly9

Hi Everyone, I can't believe it has been one year since my Dad passed away. It seems like three months. Where has the year gone? Some of it is a blur. I have been reliving the past few, horrible days from last year. What a nightmare. I wish I could erase it from my memory forever. My Mom and I tried so hard to help my Dad get well. We held on to him so tightly but he slipped between our fingers. It was not meant to be. It just kills me inside that I couldn't help him. He should still be here with us, healed and healthy. There are times where I am still in shock and miss my Dad terribly. I will always miss my Dad. I can't believe that it is true. I still look around for my Dad hoping he will walk in the door someday. Today was a nice, sunny day with the plum trees blooming. However, my heart aches because my Dad is no longer here in the physical form. He took a piece of my heart with him. My Dad is a great Dad!!! Oh how I miss him so much!!! He means the world to me and so much more!!! My Mom and I went to church, lit candles and said a prayer. I wanted to do a live butterfly release in honor of my Dad but the weather has been too cold. I have decided to do it on his birthday in August instead. I haven't talked to my Dad in a year now. I miss his advice and guidance. I miss his voice, his laugh, his smile, our conversations and day trips. I miss everything about my Dad. Oh, how I wish I could have my Dad back in the physical form and healed. I do talk to my Dad (one-way conversation) every day and still cry daily. There are little things that trigger it and then the tears start to flow. I have a friend, who I would say is really not a good friend. No one really understands until you actually lose a parent. He just seems to not respond to two e-mails now. Sometimes I think they don't want to be around people who are not so cheery and can be depressed. It does hurt but one day he too will experience the pain I am experiencing. There are some people who are really supportive. I have one co-worker who also lost her Mother last August. We talk about it and give support to one another. It is really nice. On Tuesday of this week, the lights were flickering in the bathroom, office (going brighter and then dimming again) and the kitchen. I believe it was my Dad letting me know he is close by. There have been some orbs in Christmas pictures and my Mom's birthday. I know it has been hard for my Mom also. They are really close and did everything together. I haven't had dreams with my Dad for awhile now. I sure could really use a dream visit. Here is a nice saying from a picture frame I came across from a catalog. "Broken Chain" "We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone; for part of us went with you, the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide; and though we cannot see you, you are always at our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same; but as God calls us one by one, the chain will be linked again." When someone is no longer here in the physical form you see all the wonderful things did. It is a big void that can never be filled. I picture my Dad in a beautiful, peaceful place with other loved ones who have gone on before him. He is healed, happy and watching over us until we can be together again someday. Sending you hugs, love comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Niamh and Carol Ann, You're so welcome. I'm glad it brought you some comfort. Thanks Carol Ann for posting this also in the "Loss of a Spouse, Partner or Significant Other" forum. I hope they also find some comfort in the letter as well. Sending you both hugs. Butterfly9

Hi Everyone, This is a beautiful letter from another site I post at. It is what our loved ones in the afterlife might say to us. I enjoyed reading it and it brought me some comfort. Butterfly9 December 2010 I know it's tough for you, and I'm sad because you are sad. I'm doing well--and this death-thing seems to be so much more difficult for YOU than it is for me. I fully understand why that is. After all, I've found that I'm still alive, just existing in a different place. A place of beauty and feeling surrounded in love. I still continue to grow and work on my "stuff!" I don't have to deal with the negative five-senses junk you still have to deal with. Physical ailments, financial problems, ego mind-games, difficult relationships. As we all learned, earth-life is no picnic. I'm doing well because I have the ability to "see" and understand that, no matter how tough things get for you, physically or emotionally, everything works out well in the end--and that it's ALL for a good reason and purpose and the great thing is, we'll eventually be together again. On the other hand, YOU feel "in the dark" most of the time--and are left to wonder about the future. Sadly, you don't have that gift of knowing what I know. Sadly, you are stuck in that grief of separation. You see, I don't feel that separation because we are NOT separated. I receive every thought you think of me and every emotion you feel toward me. I know when you are thinking about getting a haircut or going to a movie or thinking about doing your toenails and when you are driving to visit a friend or remembering our time together as you look at some of our old pictures. We are in constant communication. And guess what--it doesn't get on my nerves at all, when you tell me twenty times a day how much you love me or how much you miss me or that you want me to come back! The truth is, you and I are more connected now then when I was living in an earth body. There was more separation then because of ego stuff and a ton of what seemed to be negative things to be dealt with that sometimes blocked our ability to communicate. All that has been removed and I feel more connected and "closer" to you now than I ever did. I understand you are not experiencing the same gifts of that connected feeling. I'm sad because you are sad and you are left to struggle with that feeling of separation and the fear of the unknown when it comes to the future. And now, here come the holidays a time we used to enjoy together. My wish for you--in fact my message for you is--WE CAN STILL DO THAT! Can you try to focus on the fact that I am still alive--just in a different form. Trust me when I say that my physical death has not ended our relationship--it only has helped us both progress on the thing we call our spiritual journey. When you sit in the darkness crying, I'm sitting there with you. If you are dining with friends, I'm enjoying that with you. Maybe this idea will help you. Try to focus on our time together--our fun together--what we gained -- and try, little by little to focus on my death or your feeling of loss. Try to focus on life and not death. Try to focus on celebrating our time together and less on this brief time we'll be apart. I'm not saying DON'T grieve! It's important to grieve and move those emotions through your mind and body. What I'm asking you is, don't keep focusing on your grief or that sense of loss once you cry them out and move beyond them. It might surprise you to know that once you deal with your grief and get back into life again, you will actually FEEL me more. You will actually feel my presence around you more. You are easier to connect with when you are in a "love space!" When you are in love with life again. Hating life and my physical absence, well, that energy blocks our ability to communicate with each other. Blocks your ability to feel my presence. Please try--but I understand if you need a bit more time. This earth experience we chose to learn from is a tough one--at times unforgiving. But trust me--it DOES get better. Please try your best as I continue to love and cherish you........and US!

Dear BLEU-BERRY, So sorry for the loss of your precious Dad. Yes, I do believe our loved ones do visit us in our dreams. I have had dreams from my Dad and it brings be comfort. I believe dreams from our loved ones are special gifts from them. I don't get them as often as I like even though I ask him a lot to come and visit me in my dreams. They visit in their own time. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Anthony, What a great idea! Your Mom is enjoying the Christmas Card you sent her. What a beautiful picture of your precious Mom with Zack and Alax. Our loved ones on the other side do read our letters we send them. I'm going to write a Holiday Greeting for my Dad also! Thanks, Butterfly9

Dear Niamh, I have been thinking about you and the 1-year mark of your precious Daddy. Sending you a great big hug. You, your Mom and your Dad are in my thoughts and prayers. I too relive that awful time when my Dad was in the hospital. I still have guilt, like I should have done this or that and maybe my Dad would still be here in the physical world. I guess we all go through that. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and prevent my Dad from his illness but I know that is not possible. I had a hard time and I was crying as I was driving home from work last Friday. I miss my Dad so much and I just hate this new life. It has changed so much and I don't like it. The Holidays are really hard because my Dad always loved Christmas. We are not having a Christmas tree this year. My family just doesn't feel like celebrating. My Dad means the world to me and so much more and I miss not seeing him and talking to him. I can understand that you would want a family get together for your Dad's 1-year mark as to have everyone remember the wonderful Dad, Husband and person your Dad is. On the other hand, it can also be so overwhelming and bring up all the pain again and not wanting to be around anyone. That is normal. Your Dad understands. Walking in these new shoes has been a very difficult experience. It is the hardest thing to do. I use TV as a distraction also and then I just like go to bed early to sleep and forget about things. It is still a shock for me and it always will be. I'm thinking about you and may God/Infinite Light bring you and your Mom some peace and comfort. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Anthony, Each person is different. It is up to you if you feel you would like to contact a Medium or not. I can honestly say that a Medium has brought me comfort. That is just my two cents. Yes, it is true that you don't need a Medium to make contact with a loved one. You can make contact yourself with dreams, meditation and signs our loved ones send us. However, when I went to a Medium I got more information than just the signs that I would receive. I was able to tape record the session and listen to the tape whenever I wanted. The Medium told me things that only my Dad would know. This is something you will need to think about and decide what is right for you. Wishing you all the very best in whatever you decide to do. Butterfly9

Hi Suzanne R, I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious husband, Danny. I posted this on the Loss of a Parent/Grandparent Forum. It might bring you some comfort. We do not have to say goodbye to our loved ones who have passed. Not sure if you believe in the afterlife but I truly do. I just wanted to share this with you. I have been really feeling down and missing my Dad terribly. Patrick Mathew's book, Never Say Goodbye has lifted me up and given me some hope. I did have a reading with Patrick a couple of years ago after my friend passed away from cancer. It brought me such comfort. It is an excellent book. It tells you how you too can connect with your loved ones in the afterlife. You CAN continue to have a loving relationship with your loved ones on the other side. He explains the signs and has simple exercises for you to do to connect with your loved ones in Spirit. I highly recommend this book. I keep on re-reading certain parts that bring me comfort. The Section about questions most asked is great. I love his answers to the questions. Back of book. Your Loved Ones Are Still With You. "The end of physical life does not have to mean the end of a day-to-day relationship with the people we love. Renowned medium Patrick Mathews reveals that we don't have to let go of family and friends on the other side - in fact, they benefit as much from ongoing communication as we do. Along with a treasury of heartwarming, compelling, and sometimes humorous true stories from his work as a medium, Mathews provides answers to the questions he is most often asked about life in Heaven. Never Say Goodbye will help you learn how to recognize spirit communication and establish an ongoing relationship with those in spirit through simple meditations and other practices". An Interview with Patrick Mathews http://www.llewellyn...interview_id=43 Never Say Goodbye to your Loved Ones in Spirit by Patrick Mathews. http://www.llewellyn...nal/article/487 Patrick Mathews' Website http://www.patrickmathews.com/ I hope this book also brings you some comfort and hope. Sending you all hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Karen, Take your time researching before you find the special Medium you feel comfortable with. Yes, an in-person session with a Medium would be wonderful. Yes, I truly believe my Dad was communicating. He described his passing and said that he is back to his old self and he is walking again. There are other things too that only my Dad knows. Other relatives came through who have passed. It was an awesome experience. Yes, it was very clear. If something doesn't make sense the Medium will ask them to give more details. I too have read "Hello from Heaven". It is an excellent book. It definitely shows that everyone all over the world experience ADCs. I haven't been practicing my meditations lately. I should at least start out with 10 minutes a day and work up to 30 minutes. It is hard to clear our cluttered minds with everything that goes on in our lives. My Dad is on my mind all the time. They say let the clutter come through and let it go. Don't try to fight it. That is how you clear your mind. It takes practice they say to clear your mind and then you can meditate. It does bring your vibration up so you can communicate with loved ones in the Afterlife. You might hear sentences in your own voice but you know it isn't you saying it because those are words you would not use. I just have to stick with it. They say practice makes perfect. Don't give up on your meditation. The journey we are all on is a very difficult one. We all have our very bad days and then there might be days where it is okay. It is only natural. Our loved ones on the other side are by our side every step of the way. I'm sure when one has children, it might keep one's mind off of the sad times more. Even though your Mom did not know the song, "Every Breath you Take, I'll be watching you" can be a sign from your Mom to comfort you. You said the words bring you comfort and I truly believe it is a sign from your Mom because it seems to happen a lot. I have heard the 'Sissey's Song and it is beautiful. Your Mom sent you that song to comfort you. There are no consciences. That is great that you made the connection with the Alan Jackson song and the lyrics, "Don't Worry about me". That is true that when we lose a precious loved one, it does shatter our Faith and belief in the Afterlife. We struggle as we try to find our Faith again. You are right, your Mom would have found a way if she really wanted a cross at her Celebration of Life Ceremony. She understands how hard it has been for you. There are days where we just want to be alone so we can cry. That is natural. Know that your Mom loves you very much. She is still a part of your life, she always will be Dear Anthony, I'm so glad you bought the book and it has helped you and brought you comfort. I totally agree that the book is worth thousands because of the comfort it brings. It put a smile on my face to know that this book has also helped another person. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Tori, Welcome to this forum. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. Sending you a hug ((((((((( ))))))))). Your post brought tears to my eyes. Graduation should have been a wonderful time for you however, with your Mom being ill it was not a good time. I'm so sorry about that. I can't understand how your Mom's boyfriend could be so cruel and throw out all your Mom's clothes after she passed. Holding on to some of her clothes would have brought some comfort because you would have felt her close to you. I can't believe that he would hold on to the ashes for 4 months until giving them to you. She is your Mom and her ashes belong with her family. I'm glad you got her ashes back. I hope you have some items that are your Mom's you got to keep. Dealing with your grief and then having to go through the bad experience with your Mom's boyfriend is terrible. I'm glad you were able to repair the relationship with your Mom. I'm sure that meant a lot to her and you. I too get jealous of daughters with their Dads. That is part of grief. You have every right to grieve. I'm sorry some people do not have compassion and sympathy and think you should be over your grief. We never really get over our grief but learn to live with it and adjust to our new life. We are always here to listen. We are going through the same thing and understand what you are going through. Sometimes people don't know what to say or they feel uncomfortable. Maybe they haven't experienced a loss. I am not the same person anymore either. It is hard to be happy at times. As you said, you are doing the best you can do and that is okay. What a beautiful picture of your Mom. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful person that touched so many people's lives. Know that your Mom is healed, happy and in a beautiful place. She is watching over you and guiding you until you can be together again someday. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Daughter2010, Sending you a hug ((((((())))))), Reading your post made my cry. It is hard for me to think of the time my Dad was in the hospital. I try and push those terrible memories out of my mind because it is so painful. This Thursday will be 8 months since my Dad crossed over and yet it seems like yesterday. There are times when I say, "He was here this year". You're right, your Dad is healed, happy and in a better place. However, we truly miss their physical presence. We don't have that interaction with them that we had when they were here in the physical form like a hug, hearing their laugh, seeing their smile, having a conversation and getting advice and guidance. That has changed but for me I look for signs that my Dad is communicating with me. He also visits in dreams at times. My Dad visits in his own time. It can be a quick visit that doesn't have to have a special meaning but just a visit to say "Hi, I am still here and around you:". Things will never be the same. We are not the same person anymore. We have changed with our grief. True that people who have not experienced a loss cannot understand what we are going through. They think we should be over it by now and that we are not the happy person we once used to be. We do not really get over it but learn to live with it and adjust to our new life. It is a strange life when a special person from our life is no longer here in the physical form. My Dad means the world to me. Both of my parents mean the world to me. Every night before you go to bed ask your Dad to come and visit you in a dream. Also, repeat 3 times, "I will remember my dreams". Sometimes we have dreams but we can't remember them. I always say, when I Dad comes and visits me in dreams he is creating new memories. Yes, I know it isn't the same like when he was here in the physical form but you know it is better than nothing. I am very happy when I get signs and dreams from my Dad. Sometimes it takes a long time until he visits me in a dream. Ask your Father if he can visit you in a dream because you need to get a hug from him. You can also tell him you are sending him a hug in Heaven. He will receive your hugs. Continue to tell him all the stories you want to tell him. He hears you clearly. I believe the more we communicate with our loved ones on the other side the more we will experience signs and dreams. Yes, our Dads would say be happy and live life to the fullest. However, that is easier said than done. It is hard when they are not here physically. You and your Family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear DebFromLodi, Sending you a great big hug ((( )))). Happy belated Birthday to your precious Mom! I'm sure your Mom and Dad appreciated the flowers you brought. Your Mom was probably smiling as you were singing her "Happy Birthday"! I also sang "Happy Birthday" to my Dad on his birthday. I know our loved ones really enjoy when we continue to include them in our lives. It brings them joy. You ask if it gets any easier? To be honest, I don't know. They say we never really get over it but we learn to live with it and adjust to our new life. Know that both your Mom and Dad are closer than you think watching over you. They love you very much and always will. That special bond you share can never be broken. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9

Dear Christine, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. Sending you hugs of comfort (((( ))))). Being angry is a part of the grieving process. It is okay to be angry. I still get angry at times and it has been over 7/1/2 months since my Dad crossed over. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes and terrible memories of my Dad's stay in the hospital. I know what you mean about praying that the medicine would work and make your Mom well again. I too prayed that the natural therapy would work for my Dad. There was not really any medical options that would help my Dad's condition. When he was in the hospital in a sleep induced coma, I had my rosary and holy water. I prayed and I hoped that God would heal my Dad so he would still be here with us. However, that didn't happen and I was very angry that my Dad was taken. He still had so much life to live. I was so mad I said I need a punching bag. I needed to defuse my anger in a constructive way. Your Mom and my Dad fought so hard to stay here with their loved ones but it was not meant to be. I personally believe that we all have a set date we are born and a set date when it is our time to cross over. Some are meant to be healed on this side of the veil and others are meant to be healed on the other side of the veil. Venting here is a good way of defusing your anger. There are so many caring people here who understand what you are going through because we too have experienced the loss of a precious loved one. Know that your Mom is now healed, happy and in the most beautiful place. She is closer than you think and you will see her again someday. Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength. Butterfly9