wildcat15

im not really sure how this all works but i am so willing to try anything that might alleviate the pain i feel in my heart. i lost my mom in a plane crash 3 years ago and I have had the misfortune of never knowing how to deal with it, so i have put it on a shelf for 3 years. there has been so many other family of origin issues that i have had to work through before getting to the place I am now... which seems, more prepared to deal with my loss. the pain that i feel is so overwhelming that i honestly dont know how well i will be able to let myself feel all the insurmountable hurt that follows the thought of not having a mom. she died when i was 24, and i rarely meet people my age that have lost their moms...most people, i have found, have lost their dad. i am reaching out bc i know i need to feel less alone in my grief, even though, individually, i know all of our pain is different. im just really scared to tap into all the loss i know i have to face, and the realization that she is gone for the rest of my life is too hard to swallow. makes me wonder if all i will ever be able to do is poke the massive bubble above my head that is filled with all the hurt that will coming pouring out if i let it. i have worked so hard at trying to get to a point where i can even just say the words out loud, and often shame myself for not being furhter along with my grief bc of the calendar date, and bc of all the idiots in the world that tell me I need to get a grip on the situation. im sorry, did you lose your mom?! makes me so angry and hurt...and I feel more alone. just wanted to reach out...without the fear that i have always had since she died- which is that no one really thinks this is a big deal and i just need to get over it. i minimize my hurt so much, and its breaking my heart in two. i hate that i dont have a mom. stacey

Hi Susan I can relate to your sudden loss of someone who was so important to you. i lost my mom in a plane crash 3 years ago and i cant even say that the shock of any of it as worn off. reading that you feel like you are going to die is so understandable for me on certain days. i am so sorry for your loss. as i attempt to find any words that might comfort you, i know there arent any...just know that my heart goes out to you and you are not alone in your grief stacey