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Auspiciousausz

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  1. Hello! I am new to this group and need a little assistance in coping with this. It was 3 months yesterday when I lost all 5 of my doggies and all 3 of my kitties in a house fire. My Golden Retriever "Coaster" and his friend and companion my Chocolate Lab "Yogi Bear" and my beautiful fur baby Jack Russell Terrier "Taffy" were in their crates for the day while I worked. The Dalmation Mix "Snoopy" and the handicapped 10 year old Yellow Lab "Buddy" were allowed the run of the house during the day and of course my three wonderful kitties "Linus King", "Einstein", and "Panda Bear" ran free too. They didn't even contact me until 4:00 pm on February 1st to ask if there was anyone in the house. The fire started at 11:15 in the morning. I had a friend drive me to the house when I found out and found Coaster, Yogi, and Taffy all burned to death in their crates. I found them with a flash light that night but the house was sitll burning and I couldn't get to them. The next day I went back and one of the fire inspectors and a friend removed my babies from their crates and put them in the back of my jeep. I transported them to the crematorium myself. They wouldn't let me in the house for another 6 days to look for the other 5. My husband and I spent 6 1/2 hours searching through the ash and debris before we found Einstein and Panda Bear together under the collapsed roof in the Master Bedroom. Snoopy we found under the bed and Buddy was under the roof in the Master Bathroom with Linus King. They have no cause for the fire but know that it started outside on the back deck. I keep thinking that if I had been home this wouldn't have happened. I should have stayed home from work that day. I keep thinking that I did something to cause this fire. We lost everything. The only thing we had was the clothing on our backs and no insurance. The loss of baby books, antique crystal and my grandmothers antique furniture the irreplaceable things hurts but not as much as the loss of my babies. Taffy had been my constant companion since she was 10 weeks old. She slept in the bed with me everynight. She and I survived an abusive relationship where he tried to kill me but she was always there. I had had surgery in December and she stayed by my side constantly. Coaster and Yogi along with the kitties were all adopted in 2008 from our local humane society and they were just amazing creatures. They gave me and my husband so much joy and of course there was Snoopy. My husbands dog. I always say that he didn't like the other critters and he knew it was me that brought them all into the house and would give me the "stink eye" when I asked him to do something for me. In the end though I know he loved me as much as I loved him. I can't get the picture of my babies the day I/we found them out of my head. It hurts so much and it doesn't seem to be easing any. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about them and cry. Things have sucked in our lives for so long, this was just one more thing that we didn'g need on top of everything else. Then on March 21st I lost my job and we were going to be homeless. How do I fix my grief? I can't sleep, I can't eat and I seem to be grumpy more often than not. I've lost 60 lbs (not a bad thing I am now pre baby weight and my youngest is 21).
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