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Shelley

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  1. I lost my father in April of 2006 and now my mother in September. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced the following: When my father died I had to continue caring for my 90 year old mother and it was very sad. During that time I almost immediately experienced profound grief for my father. I was coming to terms with it when my mother died. For a few weeks I have been o.k. with this because I was happy that they were finally together again. But they were my best friends and I feel so alone now. So....I've been O.K. until today. Today I am unbelievably depressed. I see people together, happy doing things and I wonder if I will ever be happy again. I am so sad today....could I be having a delayed reaction to the death of my parents? And, will this pass? And does anyone have tips to help me overcome this feeling of terrible emptiness and hopelessness? Thanks, Michele
  2. My father died April 10,2006. I'm taking care of my mother who does not even know he is gone. It is lonely. My brother and sister do not communicate. I have no one to talk about this loss with. I can't go to bereavement sessions because all my free time is taken up with caring for my mother. My life is on hold in so many ways and it is very sad. I don't know if feelings of helplessness, hopelessnes, loneliness is going to go on forever now. I need something good to happen in my life but every door seems to be shut in my face. Is this part of the grieving process or do I have other serious problems. Suicide has entered my mind more than once. But I have my mother and my pets to care for first. I just wish I could feel happy once again. Has anyone gone through this? Does happiness every come again? Do our lives ever have hope again?
  3. Ell, You are an angel on earth. You really touched my heart with the story about your mother and being able to touch her with your defenses down. I am so sorry that you have and are going through such pain ...I think all I can do right now is pray for you and that all your circumstances will change and life will get better for you very soon. It is sad that I keep reading, hearing, learning about people who are caretakers for their parents and end up desitute. What the heck is going on? Why are good people being punished?
  4. Eli, Thank you so much. My story sounds a lot like yours - only more recent. My mother also (maybe unwittingly) worked to keep me at a distance from my father. I realized only in the last year that he was really a good guy and she was the manipulator. And, yet, she is helpless now and want to care for her...I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. As for "how it sounds" that you talk to your father. I completely understand. I believe in the afterlife, ...but today for some reason I was trying hard to find a reason not to believe...weird. I guess it might be a need to beat myself up. Like I have control over life and death and somehow failed to save my father and so I should suffer. The last two weeks of my father's life I had to do everything for him. Today I was having thoughts like maybe I didn't let him know, really know that I loved him and he just "gave up" and died because he didn't want to be a burden. Marty T, Thank you also. I took a quick look at the care giver site and will go back to take a good long look through the links, I already see some wonderful information that might help me. Thank you for your support and caring. I need to learn as much as I can so I can help myself. Kathy, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know how you are feeling and thank you for taking time from your own grief to offer such kind words. I am not anti-medication. I am trying to work through my feelings without medication, but if I don't I would consider seeing a doctor. I'm trying to examine my feelings...it might be that I have been depressed for a long time and my father's death just made everything so raw that it woke me up to my feelings. Tara, Knowing that others understand what I am feeling does help to take the sting out of this a little. You brought up a good point...to examine why we do things for people..."do we expect something in return"....Tara I really have to look deeply into my soul to find out if that is why I do help people. Sometimes I think it is because I see myself in them and would want someone to help me. It hurts me to see people needing help and knowing that I can do something to help them...but I am open to the fact that maybe I have some buried motive besides compassion or empathy. To all of you....thank you for taking the time to respond and for not making me feel like I am having a pity party...I am so glad to be here. Today was so strange, I thought I was dealing with all of this then wham!!!
  5. I've been doing O.K. since losing my father on April 10, 2006. By O.K. I mean...I've had feelings that he is alive in another dimension and that he is fine...then all of a sudden today I have doubts and questions and I ask myself if anything I could have done would have changed things. Anyway, today I just feel like I am going to suffocate from sadness. I am still taking care of my mother, she is so fragile, I have to be up and happy for her but what I am really feeling is that I will lose her too, it's inevitable and then I will really be alone. I feel like I am living in an altered state. I can't remember the last time I felt happy and hopeful and looked forward to the future and happy events, etc....I've lost all hope...I have helped so many people in my lifetime and now I feel in my time of need that nothing and no one is on my side. I can't remember the last time I got a lucky or even happy break...I feel doomed to a life of greyness....
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