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love

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About love

  • Birthday 08/04/1949

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    April 12,2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Missouri River Hospice in Columbia, MO. USA

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Missouri, USA
  • Interests
    Right now I have no interests.....Reading
  1. In the last 4 years I have had so many loses the that world was turned upside down. Then when it seems things are turning around for the better it smackes me between the eyes once again. It started in Feb.2006 when my daughter was killed in an auto accident, then four months later my husband passed away with cancer. then in Aug.2006 my cousin passed with heart attack. 18 months later my dad passed. In Sept 2009 my ex husband,John and I reunited and were extremely happy --happier than I had been in a very long time. In the end of Jan.2010 we discoverd he had lung cancer and was given 6 months to a year. He passed after only 2 & 1/2 months. I feel very cheated and nothing but nothing matters to me anymore. It just never stops! I went to grief support group after the lose of my daughter and husband and my cousin. It helped a great deal. But this new hurt is so intense I have about given up. All I do is cry, can't sleep more than 3 hrs,get sick if I eat. Nothing I do matters to me. I go around doing what I know has to be done--I feel like I have no purpose in my life anymore. John and I were married in 1969. 4yrs and one baby later we were divorced. We kept in touch all through the years. He remarried and so did I --I was married to a wonderful man that raised my son as his own and I loved him. It was such a different love I had for John. I had been IN LOVE with him since I was 18 yrs old. We were soul mates. And to get a second chance at that love was unbelievable, then to have it takn away once again seems so unfair. I'm blessed that I had him for 6 months but that wasn't long enough. I'm angry and so much hurt inside of me. Hurting, Becky (Love)
  2. Hi Linda, My name is Becky and I did have a simlar thing happen when my dad passed in 2008. He passed in Jan of 2008 and then that summer my uncle wanted to had a memorail in the summer for all that could not attend. In April I had another uncle pass(my dad's brother) which their resting places were in the same place. But there was nothing about having anything for him. which to me was very offensive. why not do it for all. any way this was going to be a Family reunion also. Which when questioned a little more about it, it was turning into a revival. The hair on the back of my neck stood up at that. (not all the family are the same religion) Anyway to make a long story short. I could not afford to go back out.( from Missouri to Colorado) which I would not of done anyway. I was still hurting and to have that hurt opened up again I couldn't do it. My sister, who lives in Calif, didn't go either and my brother that lives right there in Colo. didn't go. Even if they had offered to pay my way I would not have gone. Which by the way no one offered to do. I live on a set-income and still have a 15 yr. to raise. People can be so insentitive to other peoples feelings. I would say no to the dog and pony show( I like that ,it says it all.) If they want to do that let them, but you have done your time. Prayers, Becky (Love)
  3. my heart is shattered.

  4. Close By your Side You think I've gone far away and life has lost its will, But look around, I am right here, living with you still, I watch your tears, I feel your pain, I see the things you do, I weep as well, each time you cry, my soul it lives with you. It gives me such joy to hear you laugh, and do the things you do, And when you smile over bygone days, I smile right there with you, For we are still one, just you and me, one mind, one soul, one being, Walking forward into life, though you are only seen, And in the stillness of the night, when the pain really starts, Stretch out a little with your mind, and draw me to your heart, I am always close by your side, you have nothing at all to fear And my love will always surround you until you join me here.....
  5. This one of my favorite poems. I read it alot ,some times it helps and sometimes it doesn't. The Messenger Weep not for me now that I have passed. Remember the laughter, the affection, the joy not just the recent tears. Cherish the memories, our hopes and dreams. Hold fast to the love that we shared. Be happy with the time we spent together and being anew. For I am not really gone, I am closer than ever before. As the morning sun rises and throughout the busy day...I am with you. Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon and we watch the day turn into night...I am here. You may feel a faint breeze stir round your head, while you slumber as I gently kiss your forehead, "Good night." The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky help me watch over you and keep you from harm. I am the wind in the trees and the song of a bird. I am moonbeams in a midnight sky and a glorious rainbow after the storm. I am morning dew and freshly-fallen snow. I am a butterfly flying overhead and a puppy happily at play. I am a smile on a stranger's face a gentle touch a warm embrace. Listen to the wind for my message of love. Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me. Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories. Open your heart to know...I am not gone. Reach deep into your soul...You will find me. I am here. Have no fear. I am with you, Always.
  6. Dear Meb, I'm so sorry for your loss. I want you to know I do understand. Lannie may have been your ex but you had children with him and he was a part of your life. I lost my soul mate to lung cancer 3 weeks ago. John and I were married 5/2/1969. Our marriage ended in divorce 4 yrs and one baby later. He went his way and I mine. But we kept in touch through the years. He remarried first and then I did. I was married to a wonderful Christian man for 27 years, Larry; we put his children (4 girls) and mine (1 boy) together as a family. Larry would even talk to John when He would call. Larry was a great dad to my son. I lost Larry in 2006 to esophageal and stomach cancer. I loved him very much and had a good life. His death was hard. With John it was so different - I never stopped loving John. I had been IN LOVE with him since I was 18 yrs old. We had a son together and had kept in touch -- He came on a visit in Sept.2009 and it was like we had never been apart. We were in love again and both of us knew it. He decided to move from N.Y. to Missouri to be here with me. He moved here in Oct. and we were extremely happy. Both of us felt like teenagers again .In Jan he got sick and was in the hospital-we thought he had pneumonia. And that's when they found spots on his lungs- they did a biopsy the end of Jan and when we went back for the results drs. told us it was small cell cancer and he had 6 months to a year. He decided not to go through any treatment, as it would only give him "maybe" 6 more months. We decided to remarry on our anniversary, May2. On April 12, John passed away. I feel very cheated; we were so looking forward to our "golden years" together. I feel confused, forsaken, angry, extremely sad, lost and depressed all at once. The pain or hurt I feel on the loss of John is so more intense. I want to understand the "WHY" even though I know in my head I 'm not to question God's reasons but my heart wants an answer. I feel sick in my soul and I cry at the drop of a hat, Sometime the flood of tears just won't stop. I'm so sorry your sons are shutting you out. My son was not close to John ,as John had not really been there for him.But John jr. tried to understand where I was coming from and would have like to know his father better. I too have felt disloyal to my husband Larry's memory. My sister put it in perspective for me and that is they were two completely different men and I had completely different love for them. I guess I'm trying to say it's ok to grieve for a man that was part of your life. again I'm so sorry for your loss. ((((((())))))) HUGS to YOU. LOVE
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