Paindora

Hello, I am new here, my name is Cynthia and I am in a hellish place, my lovely Mother, Claudette is dying of cancer, it is everywhere in her body now and I can't sleep, eat or drink water without force. I am so upset by the loss that is just ahead that my heart feels as if it is being shattered. I have had a very rough life, starting with illness and way too many moves, I should be used to saying goodbye by now. I don't know how to do this and I am scared to be so alone. Any suggestions, support, advice will be appreciated beyond any words I have. I am tired now, must get some rest if nothing else. My dog is blind and old, is sick also and I feel that when they both leave me here to deal with the loss I will not ever smile again. I moved over here to rescue my Mother from the verbal and financial abuse of my sister, she bankrupted my Mother and she had to sell her house, after refinancing it to pay off debt of my sister, then something happened and the relationship was abusive, so I moved here, then I got sick after doing a bone marrow transplant for my brother, I was also told I have hepatitis C and stage four damage, I did the chemo treatment, but it did not work, if I can hang on until next year I will be asked to try a new medication that is 98 percent effective. The house I purchased flooded when ever it rained and the attorney said not to repair anything until we go to court, that took two long years and when our court date came up, I was too weak on chemo to last a nine hour day in court and settled for pennies, then applied for the home affordability program, but they seem to be so disorganized that they keep losing my forms and now have turned me down, I can't work yet, I won't be able to afford to stay here and really don't want to, so many things terrible have happened here, but I have nowhere to go and no one. This just hurts so much, I don't know how anyone can make it through this sort of thing... It is nice to be here, and I am looking forward to meeting all of you, Cynthia

I am brand new here and would like to strangle my Mother's dr. He did radiation on her brain and chest saying that "she will get several more months of quality life by doing this". Well, the last week she has been at deaths door, has stopped eating, or drinking water, can barely do anything, doesn't watch tv or anything, just sleeps. Now, had he mentioned this, we would have chosen to let nature take it's course. This is hell on earth for me. I got a baby monitor for her room so I can tell if she is moving around or needs me, and now at least I can sleep a bit. I was almost crazy after a week of no sleep, me not eating because I felt some weird guilt eating and she couldn't. I cried for a solid day and night because of the guilt of going along with the drs "program". I have lost a child, a sibling, my father, my best friend and many close family members, but this is the worst. The rest of my siblings have stopped calling or responding to my calls or emails, I know it is difficult to deal with, I wish I could run away from it too and pretend it wasn't happening, but I promised my Mother I would take care of her and I have no intentions of breaking that promise. I am so angry at the dr for not telling me what to expect, for being so impatient with my questions and concerns, it is all no big deal to him, but to me, it is my Mother... I guess they just have to distance themselves, do what they think will work and just hope. I just finished chemo and it didn't work, so I am weak and sick as heck too, my dog is dying and I have no help here. I moved over here from Texas to help my Mother out because she didn't want to move away from her grandson, but my sister is horrible and so mean spirited about everything it is shocking. She talked my Mom into moving here about ten years ago, promising the moon and wonderful things, so she sold her home, bought one here and the abuse began, my sister bankrupted my mother by putting all of her credit card debt onto hers, then couldn't or wouldn't pay her back, so I moved here, bought a house (that flooded every time it rained) the previous owners lied about it and I got conned. So here I am in a house I hate, with my poor dog, sick with pancreatitis and diabetes, has gone blind and is in pain. He gets his meds and shots twice, and I just felt l need some support and some information. I hope you will all help me and I will in turn help you as I regain my strength. God bless us all. This is no fun at all...I don't know how you all are doing this, you seem so strong, so much stronger... Cynthia...