jaye

it is hard there are days when I just want to talk to him. I can't even visit his grave because he's buried in Connecticut & I'm in Florida. I have a friend that goes & sees him once in a while. I asked him how my dad was. He joked & said he can't talk. but my aunt takes care of his grave site for us. Since the immediate family is here is Florida. Hopefully one day I can go there again it's been 5 years. we flew up for 3 days & then flew right back. so I had no chance to really say goodbye. everyday I wake up & think of him & when I go to bed that's the last thing I think of is him & my cat Paws. My mom has Parkinson's disease since 2001 & she is getting slower & she is tired because she has trouble sleeping due to the disease. My sister is taking care of her. so that weighs on my mind too. They met at a dance when she was 15 years old. He played the drums. He tracked her down & they started dating she was 17 when they got engaged. He went into the Air Force. She waited for him. & at 18 she flew out to California & got Married at Travis Air Force Base. Mom didn't know anyone she wore a suit not a wedding gown, never had a cake until their 50th Anniversary. They were Married for 53 years. Jan 12th 1952 to July 26th 2005. They always wanted to go to Hawaii. So for their 50th Anniversary. Had a Hawaiian Party so I got all they Pictures of Us Kids & friends My brother made a dvd of their life & they finally went to Hawaii in Florida. Two days before he died mom saw a dove fly out of their bedroom Meaning there would be peace. So I get mom doves as gifts for that reason. To remember Dad. My boyfriend gets me black cats to remind me of Paws my cat that died. Jaye Thank you for writing me & taking the time to listen to me. I have so much emotions about the death that it doesn't take one day to get it out. :P

He died July 26th 2005. around 10:30am it's really hard. I always talked to my mom. but he was there when I really needed him & never asked questions.

I still miss my dad it's going to be 5 years next month & i'm still at a loss. I miss him more on the days I'm depressed because something wrong is going on in my life. can anyone help!?

ONE'S BATTLE Not a day goes by that you're not in my thoughts In my mind's eye I'm unable to function. a glass of Brandy is always in arm's reach. My heart sings a sorrow tune that only the soul hears. A dreamless state takes over when the eyes are closed you appear with every bone in your body reminding the spirit that you're gone. The only way he can touch you is through the dreams that plague him for it's too painful to comprehend that you are no more. We must stand alone & take the first step into repairing the sorrow for it will never go away it hides itself until our defenses are down. A teardrop falls hitting a rose that stands with great poise & showers a screen bubble & images appear of you whispering "Don't cry for me I'm much better & at peace." A whisper can be heard thoughout the land. "I know but that doesn't make the sadness go away." "Of not being able to say I LOVE YOU & hold your hand & hear your voice once more." The ears missing a cry of meow when I come home the heart is crushed to non repair for I loss comprehend of repairing itself. For I mask it with smiles & worrying about others & not myself nobody knows how much pain the spirit is in. For I know how to hide the real reason why teardrops descend on my cheeks. How can one discuss this when all you ever hear is not again. In this world the heart feels alone & nowhere to turn to say how much missing them is so severe some nights the mind runs wild with no calmness in sight. For all these words on paper but it really doesn't tell anyone how painful it really is. The spirit doesn't know if another tragedy takes place if it can survive. He feels there's no discussion if we can be together to form an unity or step aside to deal with it on our own. Jaye

Hi back in 2000 I fell in love with a guy name Tom. 6 months into the relationships we decided to get married. well a week before the wedding he decided to call it off. I was very devastated & lonely. I decided to go to a shelter & adopt a cat. It was between these two one white & one black. the black cat kept touching me though his cage.I picked him. I called him Paws because he was a pure Hemingway ( he had extra toes) boy I was in for a treat. I fell in love with him deeply. He helped me get over the loss of a man I thought would be my husband. He loved to cuddly with me. He was two when I adopted him. He had a water dance every time he would drink he would meow & move his feet back & forth. & then he would stick his paw in the dish & would sit there. when he wanted something like his water bowl filled to the top or food dish filled he would sit there & wait calmly for me to do it. he would touch me with his paw to wake me up or to say pay attention to me. My dad always said he never like cats. but he fell for paws he would pick him up & put him on his walker with a seat & push him around. One day my dad started a saying between us Love you Meow. Paws was a good cat he knew where his litter box was no accidents. He was always with me when I was sick. I could hear him coming through my place he had those odd ball nails that would make noise before I clipped them. he would nose kiss me when he wanted me to get up. You see my dad had extra fingers & toes they removed them when he was small. So paws was even special to me. On July 26th 2005 I told my dad Love you meow, he did the same. after that conversation I went over & my sister told me he died of a massive heart attack. So Paws help me get through that I'm still grieving for my dad. I lost paws 3 years after that he was throwing up. A friend was a vet tech & She paid for paws to get treated his pancreas was shot. They thought he was better. he was for a few days but in the end i had to put him down I was so devastated. He was one of a kind. He's now with my father & they are keeping each other company. I believe they are watching over me too. my friend made an impression of Paws's paw & paid to have him cremated for me. I got Paws Oct 15th 2000 a day after we were to become man & wife. & he died April 16th 2008. a month later on May 15th 2008 I adopted two kittens Whiskers a black & white she had a curled tail that only you can feel she's a Hemingway on her two front feet. & her brother is Blackjack he is pure black. he had a very short tail & reminds me of paws he cuddles with me & puts his paws on me to say I'm here. No other cat with take Paws place. Thanks to my friend Melissa for helping me try & save Paws. these two are quite the pair never a dull moment . LOVE YOU MEOW PAWS & DAD Jaye When he did escape my place he always came back he knew where his home was. One time I went to Universal Studio's My parents were watching him. They lost him for two hours. He was hidden behind a entertainment center chilling. He was a big cat he got behind my sister's washer & couldn't get out so we had to move a cabinet that was by him so he could get out.

maybe if we all stand there. we can pull together & have the strength we need to go on without our love one. Jaye

Thank You I'm still under the willow tree wanting to be strong each day that goes by I realize how much I really Miss him. it hurts that I won't be able to see or hear his voice. I have his picture up in my bedroom I think it was his last Easter before he died. I always say hello & goodnight to him. Love You Meow is what we said to each other I adopted a cat name paws. Jaye

I've been writing poetry since 1984 it helps me to express my feelings about what is going on at that time. I hope you like it MISSING YOU Hello my love, I love you This is the hardest day of my life seeing you there without laughter I will miss you very much you were everything to me. you made me laugh when I wanted to cry you've touched many lives I cry for you in many ways you had something special that you gave to everyone an eagle soared through the midnight air, circling trying to take the pain away a rose bloomed as a small tear drop hit the petal it whispered, "My child, don't worry about me." "I'm in good hands now & I know you & everyone loved me to the fullest" " I will love you always don't look to far I will always be by your side in loving times & the worst time I will carry you through it." "If you ever need me go to the willow tree & I will shelter you until you're strong enough." love you don't forget about me I miss you my love. Jaye

Thank You Niamh it's a comfort to me to know that there are people out there that understand what I'm feeling. My family really doesn't discuss how much we miss him. I tell Mom. We remember him everyday. I agree the pain doesn't go away. I would love to hug him again. I have an answering machine that has his voice on it. I wish he would tell me what it is like there. I'm still afraid of dying. One day I will be ok with it. It's so different without him. I can't ask for help or say Love you meow. I'm doing ok. I'm taking one day at a time. I'm not masking my sorrow. but If I think of him when i'm alone tears will start to fall. but if I'm with someone I'm ok. He's with My cat Paws that he denied loving him. Love you meow dad. My dreams of him are so real. His back hurt a lot & he used to get up at night & I would sit out there with him. I had a dream where I was in his house I knew he was dead but when I opened the door the light was on in the living room & I sat there with him like old times. I'm adopted when I told my sister about these dreams. she said I wish I could have one of him. I said you have two Children that look & act Like him. she is their natural Child. My two brother are also adopted. He loved us equal. Jaye

I know what you are saying. my dad died 5 years ago & he's in my dreams all the time letting me know that he's fine & he's watching over me. you always need your Dad or Mom even when you grow up. I had a dream he was in an hospital hallway in a wheelchair I was talking to him & my mom came up & asked who I was talking to I told her dad & he disappeared. but I know it's him saying I'm at peace. I'm sorry for your loss. I call Mom & I'm about to ask her how dad is! Keep smiling I believe he would want you to smile as you keep his memory alive. I know it's hard just remember he is always there in your heart. Things will come together & you'll be able to take that step to say thank you to everyone that came & that they care for you, him & your family just take one day at a time. that's how I'm doing it I still have bad days & it's been 5 years. I hope you are ok be safe.

first of all losing someone isn't easy. I'm sorry for anyone loss. my father died five years ago. My parents decided to move in with my sister because they couldn't take care of the house anymore. They were going to sell it or rent it out. I gotten some boxes for them. My sister was over for a visit. i was home we all decided to watch the shuttle go up on the T.V. When it was over. I got into my car drove over. there was an Ambulance & fire rescue there. You see my dad had medical problems so he needed to be transported to the hospital. my sister came out & i said "Mom or Dad?" she said "Dad" "He's gone" she took me into the house but i didn't see him on the floor. the EMT told me that he was right there. all i could think of was right before the shuttle went up i called them & told dad that i love you meow. you see i had a cat that we both loved & my dad started that saying. I believe there is an afterlife. in the early 80's my dad was a allergic to a dye from a xray or something like that when he came out it he said he saw God & that it wasn't his time when your 76. he was 3 months shy of his 76th birthday. like my sister said you have 9 months in your mom's womb. two days before this happened my mom saw a dove fly out of her bedroom. telling her that everything will be ok. He was my best friend. when i needed repair to car or house he was there even though he had back trouble from the time he was 24 years old. he was there. i cry every time i really thing of that day. my friend goes to see him for me because i'm in Sunny Flordia & he is in CT. they say over time the pain will subside not yet for me. but i hope he's watching & knowing that i love hoim & miss him dearly. my dad had extra toes & fingers, my cat did too & i had to put him down 3 years later he was there to comfort me when i lost my best friend. Love you meow. before the shuttle went up he went to get a drink & he fell & my sister did CPR on him until the EMT's came along. I hope we all find peace