CJ Anderson

You know, here in the US we have made death this big monster. We dont talk abut the fact that we all die. More importantly, I have made peace with the fact that this is no more a transition then going to work. Now that I have had the fortune to have two strokes, I am "retired" and now doing what I love - running a non-profit in Arizona that I have brought up to $675,000 from $3.000 in Arizona.. because I hold the attached saying very close, so I hope it brings you comfort to. In my view, I have a alter for the ashes of my dogs, some of their hair in a zip lock baggie and 1 memento, usually a collar or a favorite toy to remind me that they are hear, I just cant see them. I close my eyes and see my self petting them, especially when I am down. Among other things, we serve Veterans. I cant tell you the number of people who giving us their decease pets belonging so that it will benefit these warriors, who themselves have lost so much. I agree when you are ready to make a choice, that is the time to do it. There is no right and wrong here, even if you never do it! What is so important, please dont confuse the grieving of the loss for you life, with grief from everything else that you have lost. We do service on this planet for such a short time and then we are free! N pain, no suffering or sadness! Hugs!

I am so sorry for your loss. I also have concern because you have more going on with the experiences from the military. In my group Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry, we do lots of work with Veterans and their pets and service animals. In fact our VP and Department director of Veteran Services, is a two tour Vietnam Veteran who just last night was sharing with me how much helping other Veterans with their pets has made for him. He lost his White German shepard recently, and this work helped him to bridge until he felt ready to take on another dog ,to keep helping him. We dont have animals but there are many meaning ways you could make a difference to other Veterans! If you are in Arizona you would be welcome inside Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry working with Veterans or others, to help you through this time. Soldiers Best Friend in Peoria is a great agency as well working with rescue dogs and Vets who have PTSD, maybe another such group where ever you are! What I can say to you unconditionally is to not isolate your self but determine to find some meaning and purpose with those who understand what yu have been through and wont judge you! There are s many of us who want to stand by you for all you did for us! Please reach out to a group! Hugs CJ Anderson

Hi, I am so very sorry for your loss! For my self, I am so looking forward to discharging my duty to this planet and get back to the pther side where all my beloved friends are - four and two legged. <sad smile>. Please dont cofuse the souls sadness with the grief which is our inner punishment for ever bad thing we have ever done. It is so easy to fixate on that last event where we didnt know, didnt forsee, made a wrong judgement to the exclusion of the previous years of happy memories.SO many people end up with feeling paralysing grief because theuy didnt acknowlege the loss of a job, a house a friendship...and now the death of the pet takes them to the place of all the unexpessed moments of sadness from every thing else too. My experience is that our pets are our teachers, our healers, our mirrors. I look at the manner of their passing to teach me what I havent been paying attention to, to do better. I work hard to make the gift of their presence in my life help me to do more of what I came here to do, I know that if we dwell on what we couldnt do instead of what we ARE doing, we will drown in the sadness so I have taught my self to move on and rescue/help another life. I hope this helps you a little bit. Hugs CJ Anderson

We so understand what you are saying here! I am also facing losing my thrid dog this year. The first was last July, Boo bear, a collie lab was my therapy dog and only 8. the next was a basset foreven foster, abandoned by his rescue because he was a mean dog that I could handle. My sharpei has gone donehill this last week and I know what the vet will say when I take her in on Tuesday. My heart is full of whole from where they have been. I keep thinking of the number of pets that die alone and unloved. I will be going on to get another when she is gone, I hate being on this planet where we are separated from those we love through death, but as long as I am here, I am going to help one more soul because they are so alone! I am so sorry for your loss!

So sorry as well. I have that we don't view death as a friend, the parting a temporary separation. It sounds like you had wonderful communication to hear what he needed. I hope you will feel him around you soon!

Hi and I am so sorry for the loss that you have gone through. I have to disagree with you. I believe we have characters that live inside us and one that LOVES to punish us for every mistake and misdeed we have made in this world. PLEASE DONT listen to this voice! Dont confuse the grief you feel at your beloved four legged being gone, with the guilt, blame or shame that this character is waiting to inflict on you! When you have these thoughts, please call another of your characters to throw the bum toi the curb (as my neice would say). You saved a life! You gave that life great love and care! We had 95,000 animals that went to Maricopa Animal control, half of whom were euthanized. Actually, that was a not the bad thing - what was bad, was that they died with out love! You DIDNT put that dog in the vet to torchure! You made SURE that nothing else could be done, that it wasnt a phase or stage! I beleive that in the dreams where you played tigether, that dear fourlegged told you it was enough and in spite of the pain to you you let that sould go to the rainbow bridge ahead of you. That souls life could have been awaeful and lonely! You made a difference to THAT one! If you never do another thing, to THAT ONE you made a difference and that counts! {;ease watch this film to see what I mean - it ISNT the 95,000 to focus on. It is ONE! Hugs CJ Anderson

I am so sorry for you loss! I too lost my Boo Bear therapy dog last July and just cant seem to find my heart! One thing though, is I want to ask you to be extra kind and tolerant of your self NOW because with the holidays occuring everything tends to hurt so much more. You have lost your family it is always so HARD the first season. Be willing to take the time to grieve as deeply as you need to! There are people you coulod talk to but I feel that if you could just cut out the coming days and wake up in january you would cause why would you smile when you are crying inside? Dear One, sure wish we could help in some way! Just let us know what and how!!! Hugs CJ

Hi, I am soooo sorry for your loss. I know what you mean, I jost Boo Bear in July and I just dont have the heart for my others right now. But I have to say how LUCKY he was to have you as a mom! It is so hard to see them slip away but it is just as hard when they go suddenly. Please please dont feel quilty! Who knows what would have happened if you had not done the things you did! You have the advise of an expert - the vet who also did the hest they could! Do you know in this county of the 95,000 animals who pass through animal control about half, never get the chance, the nuturing and care that you dear darling did? I am not a counselpr, but I bet there are other things you are grieving. One thing you may consider is Hospice of the Valley's Breievement group, they are so wonderful. Also Arizona Himan has a brielvement group and I know there are others too! Would any of those be an option for you? We are here for you to whenever you want to talk! Hugs CJ [Note: Members who don't live in the Valley or the greater Phoenix metropolitan area will find some alternatives listed here: Helplines, Message Boards, Chats Pet Loss Counseling ]

Hi and I am so sorry for your loss!!! I WISH we were made to take a class as children to teach us how to handle this. First to separate your grief from your guilt! that part of you that uses guilt to punish you for all you have ever done wrong is using your heart and your deep unending greif to make you feel bad and only you can stop it from doing that to you. That black grief is going to take as long as it takes. You know, that sweet soul was so lucky to have you! You got her medical care and a vet, you shared a WONDERFUL life together. She wont be replace able but I hope a some point you will find it in you to open you heart and home to another four legged companion you have a chance at a wonderful life with you. My therapy dog Bo Bear went over night and died as I was taking him to the vet. Before that my Junebug and lymphoma that would have taken her in a month and the cancer vet got her one more year that was just wonderful. Sigh, it is never enough time, for sure. I wish there was something more that I can do but listen to the stories of your happy time with her! Have you thought about doing some kind of memorial - a website, or picture? Hugs! CJ

Hospice of the Valley will have my devotion for the wisdom it has given to me, both as a volunteer and as a family recepient of their services. One of the most inpoartant insights I gain was that when someone dies, in addition to grieving their physical loss, ALL the losses we have suffered are aso grieved because our society does not provide that ""transition space, so we tend to trivialize it and "get on with life". The heart is not diserning. Once our beloved animal has burrowed his way to the deepest reaches of our heart and soul. Everything else is exposed we have buried to get on with life. I know I have got to get on with selecting another therapy dog, I just cant make myself after the seond one left after such a short time. I hope one more thing I learned will be of use to you. It is a science fact that we can only think of one thing at a time = either the past, the present, or the future. If I allow myself to thing of the past, I will down in the sadness, If I allow my self to dwell on the future, I will curl up in a ball from the hopelessness, over whelm and bleakness in front of me. So I busy my self with Empty Bowl pet food pantry because it helps pets I dont have to see. I am working on disaster with animals because they really need it in Az and I can use my skills to make a difference without encountering them... so for the next second I am making a difference and not thinking or feeling about those who are with me anymore - or the future of those who will not be with me. It gets me through the days, and when I feel the energy of crying happen, I lock myself in the bathroom and cry as hard as I can, then go back to the work. Cause the one thing I can do for those who were so deeply in my heart, is to some how, save more lives for others. Hugs CJ

You have got two separate things going on. One is the grieving. Do not leat anyone tell you how long that should take, Hospice of the Valley talks about the year of grieving because there are all these firsts with out them. I grieve for Boo bear that I lost last moth, for Junebug that I lost 3 years ago, for Thunder that I lost 11 uears ago...Different moments have different intensities but I do not let that stop me from continuing to work with the other rescues, especially when my heart is not in it. Then there is the quilts, all the coulda, woulda and shouldas - and that dear one, you must be RUTHLESS with your self to know allow that in. I literally have two beings inside me - the one that blames me for everything that doesnt work out and the adult that knows that mistakes happen and we do the best we know how, even on the bad hair days! We know how awful it is and we are here for you!!! Hugs! CJ

I am so sorry for your loss. It is one more unbearable thing on top of everything else you have gone through. Next YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME - in fact, you did EVERYTHIN POSSIBLE for him and I KNOW that he knows it! You are not to blame for his sickness. You are not to blame for the vets choices! You DID get him advance care - you cant DO more then that! If I can share my belief after so many dogs of my own. I believe they can chose when to die. I believe that a slow dead would have destroy you, watching it coming. The same for being present when he went! I hate this life without my babies. It is just that there is another life to rescue and one more day, so I do what I can. I hope you can let go of the quilt. The grieving is going to take a while. We are here for you! He was such a precious soul, I feel strongly he has become your quardian angel! Hugs CJ

First, PLEASE let go of the choices that were made. You and the vet did the best you both could (and I LOVE the emergency vet on Cactuse and 4St in Phoenix of the I-51) I had my beloved Thunder that I helped birth that I had taken in and the regular vet told me was arthris,when 5 mnths later was actuall a football size tumor that was wrapped around the lungs and heart. I was insanely overcome with grief and anger at that. It is kust that it is never enough time, and when it is short we wish we gave them more. My dog June was a rescue that I got from Best Friends and turned into a therapy dog in under 30 days when she had been unadoptable. Ironically, we had just gone thru Hospice of the Valleys Pet connection training when she was diagnosed with cancer - lymphoma. I also had her for suck a short time. Can you focus instead on how WONDERFUL that Neo got to know your love? Think about the suffering he would have gone through that you saved him from. Now THAT is love, to chose to end their suffering rather then keep them alive for us (which they hare happy to do!) Do not confuse grieving for his loss with anger and sadness with the ending. I feel absolutly certain that we KNOW the truth of their condition deep inside, that there us a dialog between us and the dog on a very deep level as to what is going on and when to let them go. I also believe that dogs do not feel about death what we do, waitng joyfully for us at the rainbow bridge, ready to visit us when we are ready to let go of our grief to feel them next to us. I know that words cannot ease your grief but know you are in such good company!!! I am so sorry for your loss. CJ

Hi and golly I am sorry. You know thyroid is a problem I always check for, it is such an easy fix and it does so much! I know his age is a factor too, how could a dog so young be affected that way but the ugly truth us cancer or disease can affect them an any time and isnt it amazing how much they endure for their love for us? Gosh the greatest gift Hospece of the Valley has given me is the ability to see someone (two for four legged) off to the rainbow bridge. Mon, then dad and 7 dogs so far - everything I HATE being left behind. PLease please separate out the grief from the guilt. How lucky he was to have you work with the vets for solutions. What if he was one of the homeless ones? Sometimes we only have they a few hours before we see their suffering and that is all we can do, but for those few hours they are loved and cared for. Aside form the great stress of going through something like that, anither great gift Hospice of the Valley gave me was the understanding of all the firsts that we have to go through (I still dont celebrate Christmas anymore - Mom and one of the labs went then), so let youself rest and grieve as long as you need to you are not alone here in this group! Hugs

I am sooooo sorry for your loss! What a grand soul she must have been and WOW, a great MOM to have her live for so long and so well! Just a word, you are NEVER prepared, I have lost a few to cancer and it is true so you grieve as long as you need to! I know for my self, I found that helping with recues MADE me connect with the world again, even though I wanted to curl up in my room until I was gone! At least I was helping other dogs who were facing euthasia until I could feel again, (altho it sure felt like I would never feel anything but grief again. How did she come into your life? Hugs, CJ

How absolutely wonderful! What a quality life you gave here! You know, you might want to volunteer with Mingus Manor or Halo Rescue because they save and work with special needs dogs. Believe me I know, when Boo died, I just wanted to curl in a ball in my room but I had made commitments and the animals I was helping would have suffered, so I MADE myself do it. It was HARD (and is hard) but the need is so great, my skills are desparately needed and it does help in a short time - I am not nearly so numb and heart broken! Hugs CJ

You know, Scarlett was getting care and even the Vets didnt see there might be a problem. I have come to see that all the time people (like me) mix guilt with grief, looking for SOMETHING that could have made a difference. I have to force my self to remember how much better they are at the rainbow bridge, free of pain and old age. I guess I like to think of my heart as a patchwork quilt. I need new love to cover the old hole where they loved. to keep me focused on today, because well - I woke up again and someone must need me or I sure as hell would be out of this place! I am soooooo glad you had her for FIFTEEN years! You must of done an incredibile job with her health and happiness! How did she come into your life? Hugs CJ

What a WONDERFUL girl and how lucky to have you to share her life with. My Boo Bear was younger to and it is not fair - just not but still I wouldnt trade one second even knowing there was such a short time! I would love the hear more about her - how did you find her? Hugs CJ

Hi and I am so very sorry for your loss. I too lost my Boo Bear therapy dog suddenly last Saturday, no warning. The thing I focus on is the fact that he was so well loved every moment he was here. It just isnt about the amout of time they have. So many die alone and unloved! You did the best you could! I know what it is to have them die in your arms, Boo Bear and June bug both died before arriving at the vets. I absolutely feel that that is they was of saying thank you to us and NOT making us choose to have them euthanized or suffer in pain where we then have to fight not second guess ourselves about that, alone with blaming that some how we coulda, woulda, shoulda guessed different... It sounds like you had wonderful moments with her, I hope you can cling to that instead of guilt and blame. Please do not allow that to be mixed into the completely legitimate grief you have at her loss and you will feel that for a long time. How LOCKY that she had suck good parents that took her to the vet. Remember the Vet let her come home so even with their knowlege they didnt know and arent you glad she was with you rather then alone at the vets? Hugs! CJ

Hi I just lost my Boo Bear therapy dog last weekend. I heard some yips during the night that I thought was a neighbors dog but I now believe was Boo Bear. He was dying when I found him. Let me assure you that it serves no one to let them suffer in pain. He died shortly before we arrived at the vets, suffering horriblely. I abslolulely feel that they do not reguard death as the big monster we do. As I have become more comfortable with the ending and death. my last three dogs have graced my with dying just before dealing with the vets and euthanasa. leaving me to wonder - do they stay and suffer becuase we are noit able to let them go? The hardest act we do and the gift we give them is to be there at the end. I feel it is so inportant that ny dear ones know that they are loved going out. They take a piece of our heart for sure. No other animal can take thier place ever. I take another in so that I save a life in honor for what the last one gave me. Each new soul brings me a new piece of heart. I dont make the mistake of trying to replace them, because it is not possible. Please dont allow your grief which is aboslutly just at their not being a part of your life any more with guilt or blame because you were ______. Trust your realtionship with your yorkie that you decided together when it was best. I am sure her little spirit is around you and if you can quiet your grief you could feel her close to you! Hugs and I am so sorry for your loss!

I am so sorry for your loss. I remember who I found out that Junebug had lymphoma just a year after I had made her a therapy dog. I felt so betrayed, all the people we had still to help. I hope you are cying. the only thing is to go through it, as long as it takes. Dont be afraid to be alone. I just hope you have the disapline to think of all the good times you have together. So many people seem to get locked in the last few minutes and competely forget the happy memories they had. What a lucky lucky dog he was, to share your life and your heart that way. So many people never know that kind of love! I struggled to with Thunder, who I help brithed and who I had to decide to euthanize when a football size tumor made it so painful for him. He lifted his head to look at me with his last breath and I KNOW he wouldnt have left me for nothing, enduring everything to stay with me. You had great courage in taking that last step, I KNOW his spirit is next to you watching out for you! I hope you will get a sign of that soon. Thank you so much for sharing with us and I hope you will share more. Hugs! CJ

How lucky that little soul was to have you for a parent. I know that it is awful that you are separated now. The only time I hate being on this planet is when I am separated from my beloved fourleggeds though death. Even now I got tears inspite of the fourleggeds laying around me right now. But I think of what their life might have been without me, all the good times, even the challenging times seem more life a great adventure that I would experience again in a heart beat to have them by my side. Times like this, I feel hollow for the dogs around the bed. But they just love me anyway, and there are four dogs out of the pound who arent suffering and they sure love living here. So I am so sorry for your loss, and I know our words dont touch that cold, empty space in your heart. Please know tho, that you are not alone, we all know this feeling and we love that you have come here to share. I hope that you will tell us some stories about him! Hugs CJ

Shelly, I believe our dogs are our teachers, our healers, our mirrors. For this little soul, the suffering is over and he is playing happily at the rainbow bridge, having been graced with a merciful passing when so may have a painful passing. There were 98,000 pets who passed though Maricopa Animal Control gates last year and about help were euthanized for avaious reasons, including space and behavior. He is in good company and no longer alone or suffering. I dont know you so I could not hazard a guess. If it was me I would look to the lesson that he gave me. Arizona is NOT a one bite forgiveness state. Clearly the owner did not know how to change his behavior, did not trust his ability to keep the event from happening again. What is true, is that MY behavior would have lead to the bite. So first I would never repeat that behavior with a dog that was not mine! Second, I would learn more about dog postures and the truth of what they tell us instead of a heman story (ie waging tail doent meand a dog is glad to see me as is an open mouth doesnt mean a smile, both have mean anxiety that is a precurser ti fear and escalation of defernse behavoir... Maybe I could teach chidren have to avoid bites, saving countless over fourlegged lives. Or maybe I could volunteer for a shelter or rescue. We have several hundred of them. Even helping out at an adoption event at Petco, Petsmart or PACC911. Since dogs teach me what I am in my other life professionally or relationships, I would probably look at other places where people "bite" me. Alot of the trash (relationships) I could just kick to the curb. The rest like a boss or family, I would learn to recognize the signs to avoid the danger - or learn to protect my self in the correct way. That is how I would honor the life that was sacroficed to help me learned to be a better person here to make a difference on this planet. Thats how I would handle this situation - but I tend to make lemonade out of lemons - especially lemons I made myself out of sitautions I find myself in, especially where womeone else paid the price for it. I hope that there is something in here that helps you! Hugs.! CJ

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I am sooooo sorry for your loss. Words cannot ease the empty spot you have now Please know that it is the ignorance and pain of the poeple who work in what is the second largest animal control in the US. SO MANY amials have to die alone and in pain because their owners cant face what you did and just drop them off somewhere so they dont have to see them die. Last year MCACC took in about 98,000 animals and half were put down. They are trying hard this heard to find other ways but the grief and pain the humans feel that work there must be mind numbing. I had a dog that I helped birth - Thunder! When I made the decision to put him down, it was probably a week more or less when it would of had to be done. I had to go back to work. Worse then the euthanizing, which seared my soul to this day, I could not bear to think of him alone,, suffering while I was gone long hours. On the rainbow bridge, there is no pain and suffering, time is nothing, and we will be joined again - and I am counting the SECONDs! I have said before that I hate life here, but well, here it is another morning, I guess I have more work to do, doing what I can for dogs and pets (I am now the president of Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry, among other things). So Thunder's memories are put along side of Foxie, Junebug and all the other dogs I have assissted to the other side ~ but the BIG issue - the really important thing I ONLY allow my self to thing about, is that each one was loved with all my heart and they knew it! THATS what counts! No One can take that away from you because YOU know the truth! Dont waste anytime thinking about the others - or if you do, then send them a prayer for the hard things they have to do and in your heart, thank them for doing a job morst of the rest of us are not strong enough to do! You are welcomed here! Hugs CJ