Nick

Melina, Thank you! When I think about it my husband never traveled his parents were poor and could not afford abroad trips and such. As he got older he made these things happen for himself he truly enjoyed himself! He respected and valued what it took for him to go on his trips because he paid for them all by himself by working hard and saving money! Valuable lessons I want my boys to learn!

Thank you Lainey you are so correct! What really matters is being together as a family and showing my boys how much I love them!

Thank you everyone I feel a whole lot better! I think I will attempt to take the boys on a little road trip. A very short one just for a day! I'm really feeling the need for a change of scenery and to get away even if it is for only one day. Cheryl sounds like your doing great! Hearing your story is helpful I think I get too caught up or stuck in the way it was SUPPOSE to be instead of creating our new way! This site is wonderful! I appreciate all of you and only wish the best for each of you as we all deal with our grief.

Hi Salley, I'm sorry your dear husband is so sick I don't think it's strange that your angry maybe you feel he should be spending most of his time with you since he is so sick! Sounds to me like you love your husband deeply and just want to spend as much time with his as possible. Have you spoken to him about this at all? Maybe your not feeling valued or as important as all of the other visitors? You love your husband what is wrong with that?

How does anyone deal with family members and friends all taking vacations with husbands and kids it's making me very depressed! Both my sister and sister in law I guess I'm envious of them just another reminder of what my life is not anymore. It seems nobody gets it they just keep going on about their trip and how they love vacation. I guess I'm just feeling really sorry for myself and my two sons. They are not being able to experience other parts of the world my husband wanted so badly for them to travel and be well rounded. I feel I'm failing at giving them a rich environment I can't do and be all! I feel their loss for them everyday and I know as they get older the void in their lives is going to be more obvious. They will be more aware of what they don't have how do I make up for all the loss! Sorry for being so down tonight! I feel hostage to grief it's holding me back and I'm not happy about it at all! I truly want to change for myself and our two sons but every time I think I'm headed in the right direction another set back. Will I ever be on the track to happiness again? Thanks for listening!

Hi, I'm sorry this happened to you, but it also happened to me. I was denied due to the fact I was in grief conseling! I was so mad I paid $100 dollars for my therapist to write a letter and then I had to wait for them to appeal. The process started in October and I just got accepted in Feb. I fought the insurance company and I was approved! Not fair and should be criminial it's not an illness. They do look for any reason to denny you or write you up I an my son have an 80% increase in our montlhy premium criminal in my mind! They basically want someone with no problems even if they are minor. I was so upset I took it for granted health insurance my husband always provided it for us from his company. It really makes you realize how messed up our society is insurance coverage should not be so difficult. I'm paying a huge amount of money for private insurance, but I have no choice! FIght back and dont' take what they say as the final deicison. All the best!

Hi, I too have had this fear so no worries! I can't believe I'm in my second year without my dear husband. Sometimes I just wish time would stop, but it doesn't we have to keep going. I feel it's just my way of not wanting to let go I want to hold on so badly! I have two very young children and I'm always speaking of their father and showing photos to keep his memory alive. I don't ever want to forget so I understand I still hold onto all the dreams and memories. In my mind I feel like letting go is abandoning my husband. I know he would want me to let go of some of the stuff I carry around and not feel so hostage to it! Well, I just wanted to say I can relate and I think it's normal.

Hi, I would be honest with your friends maybe you just need to be alone. Nothing wrong with that your not ready. I'm sure your friends understand and I could see how it would sound like a good idea! We truly never know how we are going to react to any one situation until were placed in it I'm sorry for your sadness. You could also do one or two things with your friends then spend the rest of the time alone just some ideas. Do what is right for you don't put pressure on yourself that will only make it worse. Take care!

I just read something that I personally liked. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. Life is a journey, not a destination. I just thought I would share! These obstacles we are all facing are life I pray and hope one day that the road we are all traveling leads each of us to peace!

Hi, I too feel the same this is my second Christmas without my husband. Last year I was still numb, but this year I'm feeling the full effects of the reality. Seeing my two young sons happy and experiencing the joy of Christmas helps tremendously. I just wish I could stop with the oh that is so cute look at them then so sad oh Charles can't and will never experience this joy with his sons. I know he is watching from heaven looking after us and keeping us safe! You are correct no one can truly understand which doesn't make it any easier on us. I pray that the memories and love that we did share with our loved ones is felt this holiday season and brings us all great comfort.

Hi, I know this is a difficult time for many of us on this site. I have two young boys so I force myself to take them to Holiday events. We went to the Zoo lights last night they had fun, but I was annoyed by the end of the night. I was mad that I was alone without my husband. It's almost easier to stay home so I don't have to deal with the pain of seeing typical traditional families! How selfish of me I want my sons to be happy and experience all the magic of Christmas.. I know that is what Charles would want for his boys but how do I do it without having all these sad feelings?? I pray that time will make it easier and that I can be content with the blessing of my two sons instead of always looking at what I don't have my husband. I guess I just don't like this new person I have become hopefully with time things will get better! It has been 15 months , but I still struggle with how did this happen? This time of year just brings up a lot of memories and visions of what I feel Christmas is all about. Not having that someone special to share it with just sucks. Well, sorry to be so down not all days are this way just with the holidays approaching it surface a lot of pain. Thanks for listening! I pray we all find peace and comfort during this holiday season.

Tammy, I did the same exact thing this weekend and too found myself crying at the end of it! I have also been going a little crazy with the shopping another way to try to fill a void. It just hurts so bad that you want to make it go away somehow anyway you can, but it wont only one direction to go and that is forward straight ahead. I know it's scary and so unfamiliar, but we have no other choice can't go back and can't stay still so we must move forward. I'm also finding it hard to go on facebook and read all the wonderful things friends and families are doing together. I can't help but think why not me why not my boys. Then I realize that I can't change the situation so what can I change. Leesa

I moved at 9 months or else I would never have touched my husband's things. All of his items were right were he left them including his shoes and jackets. Now, I have his things in the garage have not given anything away. I still have his coats in the closet and his cologne next to mine I smell it often as it reminds me of him. I cried and hated not having his things in the closet after the move. On his side of the bathroom is his stuff blow dryer and his shaver and such. These are things I can not touch. If I had not moved I would not have moved his clothes out of the closet. It was extremely painful I carry with me everyday his wallet in my purse. Not something I tell people they believe out of sight out of mind not the case! His clothes from the hospital are in my garage I pass them often just so sad. For a long time his clothes smelled especially the ones that he wore the day before that usually went to be dry cleaned. Still have yet to sleep on his side of the bed probably never will just too strange. It has been over 14 months for me and not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him tremendously.

That was so lovely! Did you write that yourself? I love it the words are perfect. Leesa

Hi Melina, I do the same thing please don't blame yourself you did nothing wrong! You are just trying to make sense of something that makes no sense it's perfectly normal. Part of making sense of things is having someone or something to blame, but you are not that person. It's not fair to you you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. You might also be mad at your husband for not going to the doctor earlier this is normal too. As many times as we go over the same stuff and desperately want to change the outcome sadly we can't. Please be kind to yourself, kind words it was not your fault! It sounds like this came out of nowhere how would you have known?? These thoughts will lead nowhere good just to mental anguish it was out of your control. I know it's easier said then done. Allow yourself to have those thoughts but try not to get stuck on the what if's. Leesa

Hi, My husband has been gone for a little over a year and I still have yet to cook any of things I use to for him. I love to cook but find it so hard to do without him. Also, I have yet to watch any of the shows we use to watch just so hard I know when the day comes when I can do this simple things again it will be a major step for me. I have two sons so I feel I should make nicer meals for them instead of the typical kid cuisine. At night I really don't know what to do with myself I read but it's just so lonely. I pray things will get better. We can't go backwards as much as we would like the only direction is forward!

Hi All, I feel the same this weekend has been terrible for me not sure how to handle weekends. Should I make more of an attempt to plan to stay more busy? I did have a few girlfriends over on Friday night, but that left me missing my husband. I always miss him I just want to change the way I look at the weekends. I think today I'll plan an activity with my boys. I find it hard to to do a lot of times alone I hate the realization that I'm alone with them to do things. Maybe it's fear, maybe I need to build my confidence so I realize I can manage alone or maybe it's just that I don't want to find out because I'm so mad that I'm in this position in the first place! Feeling like this is not fair to myself or my boys. I know my husband would not want this he would say take those boys and live, live life to the fullest. He wanted them so badly to experience so much in life provide them with a rich culture. I can't fail him or my children so I must find a way to turn around my hating weekends. Today, I will do something fun with my boys this always makes me smile. To see them happy makes me happy. Any thoughts or ideas?? Leesa

Your mom is very lucky to have you for her daughter. I would suggest having dinner with her that night. For me personally I would love to spend it with my children they are a constant reminder of my husband and the love we shared. You could share stories about your dad and she about the wedding day. To me I would find that very comforting. Just some of my thoughts. Leesa

Hi, I too have a 3 and a 5 year old. It has been a little over a year that I lost my husband and my 3 year old still doesn't understand fully that daddy can't come home. He thinks he can fly up to heaven and bring him back home. They don''t comprehend where they went? I still find it hard to tell them that daddy died I say passed away. I was told that saying passed away is very confusing to a child and that you should tell them that daddy died. It' s my issue the words just don't come out too painful. It's so sad to hear your child asking about their daddy very difficult to discuss. We talk about him all the time, but I like you don't want my children to see me crying all the time. When I'm sad they say we know why your crying you miss daddy. I say yes and that it's okay to feel sad and miss daddy he didn't want to leave us and you did nothing wrong to cause him to pass away. Keep it simple, but be honest. I also found myself without realizing it wanting to bring him up all the time. I guess I just didn't want them to ever forget their daddy. I feel the same way you do how am I going to raise these children. You have no choice they need you and you need them. Your son Nicholas will be your reason for getting up everyday I too have a Nicholas. It sucks to raise a child alone and it's very overwhelming at times just do the best you can on that day. Realize you are not perfect, but with love all things are possible.

Hi Melina, My husband was one of those who died of a heart attack with no warning nothing at all went to work and never returned. So I get the shock and denial part. A year later I still can't fully comprehend how this could happen to a man who was in great shape and took care of himself. I"m learning to let go and try to stop asking why, how but instead now what? It sucks but what am I going to do about it. I know this is not how I want to life my live with my two young sons so everyday I work on the goad of finding my little happiness in the world. I have great strength and I contribute it to my God and my husband. I thank them each day for giving me the strength and courage to face another day. For me telling my story and sharing has helped me tremendously. I have also recently joined a women's group and that has been wonderful as well. The first moths after my husband's death I was in a fog just going on auto pilot. Then the reality set in and this was really hard, but you will get through it and one day you will wake up and see how far you have come. You will never be the same person, but that doesn't mean you wont ever be happy again.

Hi Chris, It has been a little over a year for me and I still have those feelings. I just try to put them in the right compartments in my brain and not let myself get too caught up in the what if's. It's a normal response to grieving you can't help but have those thoughts . It's what you do with them that really matters. For myself I feel them then need to take a step back and remind myself to ease up and not be so hard. Our husbands know we loved them they would not like to see us this way. I talk to my husband all the time I told him I was sorry and that I forgive him for all the things we never got to resolve. Were trying to make sense of this new world when nothing does so it's easiest to look at ourselves first and place blame. After all someone has to take the blame, I'm sure just by the way you took care of your husband he knew you loved him. It's okay to feel those feelings just don't stay in that mind set for very long nothing good comes out of it! Think of all the ways you were there for your husband and how you supported him.

Hi Ron, You could not have said it any better! Thank you for expressing your opinions. I agree with everything you said and yes it's important to look at the positive things that come out of grief.

Thanks Cheryl I love it! It something we should read on a daily basis to keep things in perspective.

Hi Bill, We all have days like this I know I understand. Some days I can do a ton of work and am so organized other days it's hard to get one thing off the to do list. In the end it all balances out and for the most part function pretty well on most days. Please be easy on yourself this two shall pass it comes and goes, but it's important to allow yourself to have these feelings. It's part of the healing process. It just means we loved so deeply! Hoping your night is better.

Hi, Today I had a wonderful day with my two sons just perfect. I thank my husband and God for giving me this amazing day. As today is September 11th it reminds me of how vulnerable we all are in this world. Also, how important it is to get our priorities right and not take people for granted. Since my husbands passing I have deeper relationships and make sure I express how I feel. Everyone has a hard road to walk just some are harder then others. My personal experience has been once I tell people my personal story they are so wanting to share their sadness with me. It's almost as though they have been waiting to share. I have known people for years and until my husbands passing did I find out about very tragic, sad events that happened in their lives. Is it due to society that tells us we should not discuss sad, tragic things? The image of always being happy and everything is perfect? We better then any one else knows that is not true! I will continue sharing my story I like to think it helps others as well. Something interesting when we first moved everyone I meet had lost a spouse when I shared my story they opened up to me about what had happened to them. It was almost as though I was meant to interact with these people if it was only for a brief time. You could see it in our eyes that we understood and felt each other's pain and these were perfect strangers.