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Deb H.

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  • Date of Death
    April 21, 2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Don R. Holder HOV Peoria, AZ

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  1. Dear nats, After reading several of your posts, my heart aches for you along with my own heartache over my loss. April 21, 2010, at 6:43am, my beloved fiancee, age 47 went to heaven. I count the days gone by, and I was told today by my grief counselor that months 2 and 3 after a passing are the toughest for some reason. My phone has stopped ringing, I've moved out of the home I shared with Don, his family is angry with me ( all of them ) and I was his Primary Caregiver for 18 months that he battled cancer of the tongue that spread to his lungs. We were only together a total of 20 month and were to be married in 3 more days, however, it was not the amount of time we shared, it was the love we felt for each other. I can't stop crying either, and now Im annoyed by everyone and everything. I'm not normally a angry woman...but somedays after crying I get mad...mad at God for taking my true love, mad because life goes on for others, and mad at myself for feeling I could have done more to save my precious Don. I will pray for you and the others in this forum for strength. I need prayer for guidance and strength and comfort. I so wish I could have Don hold me just one more time.....it's just not fair is it...
  2. I'm new to all this. I'm not sure where to turn. I met with my grief counselor thru Hospice today and he tells me I will feel better but it takes time. I have no one who can relate to my loss. Watching my fiancee , age 47, take that last breath and not being able to help him live disturbs me. We were going to be married on June 7th ...thats 3 days from today...the pain in my heart is fierce and my family suggests moving on keeping busy, yadda, yadda...they just don't understand. ?
  3. Thank you NATS ! That is great advice, to remember that even tho Don and I were not married on paper, we knew we loved each other very much. I hope I get to the place you are at soon with not along grief to hold me hostage. Right now, and since it's only been 41 days, I feel a bit numb still.
  4. Leesa, I'm so sorry about your husband...I do feel blessed that I was able to say good-bye..the doctors told Don and I we had about 3 months...he went sooner as pneumonia set in and took him four days later. Its only been 41 days now and I think I am a bit in shock to tell you the truth. Don and I lived in Buckeye, but I was forced to move out of Don's house by his mother 4 days upon his death, so i live in the East Valley close to Chandler, Az. My adult children are in the East Valley.
  5. Thank you Kay ! I am sorry for your loss, too. I will see my grief counselor thru Hospice tomorrow afternoon. He always assures me I will be okay. I do have to wonder why my phone has stopped ringing, not many text messages anymore from friends, or emails like before when my Don was so ill. And the hate letters from Don's mother and family are starting to stop too. thank goodness for that. I feel so completely alone now. If it weren't for my 25 year old daughter who jumped right in and helped me move and has supported me 100% during these past 41 days, and the Hospice counselor I meet with every other friday, I'm not sure I would be getting out of bed at this point. I miss my Donnie more and more...feels like shock still that he is really gone.
  6. I recently watched my Soul Mate, my fiancee, my love, take his last breath after battling cancer for 18 months. He passed away peacefully in my arms on April 21, 2010. We were to be married June 7, 2010 in the forest , but pneumonia set in quickly and ended his life. I am so heartbroken and don't know where to begin. My family has encouraged me to start over, move on, get over it, etc. To add to my heartache, my fiancee's family has turned against me as I left the house. I was not the POA upon his passing. I have a wonderful grief counselor thru Hospice of the Valley here in AZ, however, I have no one who understands this type of loss. I am feeling alone, numb, lost, and I cry often. My fiancee, Don , was only 47 yrs old, I am 48. He was the love of my life, and he told me I was his.
  7. Hi, I am new to this forum. My name is Deb, I watched my fiancee , age 47, take his last breath on the morning of April 21, 2010 while holding him in my arms at a home. My night times are the worst for me, too. I cry alot and although I journal and have a grief counselor thru Hospice of the Valley, I am breaking inside. I feel as though I died that day too. He battled tongue cancer for 18 long months and was the most courageous man I have ever met. We were engaged and going to be married on June 7, 2010 in the forest. I feel so sad, alone, numb and broken now. Deb
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