I am so sorry. Your sadness is palpable and I wish there was some way your pain could be alleviated. I lost my mother last year at age 79 ... she had been very ill for several years with congestive heart failure. Have you considered seeing a professional who could possibly prescribe something to help you cope with the devastating despair you are suffering? I can tell you firsthand that nothing will take away the pain, yet the passing of time will dull it. I often repeat to myself, "we are all going to die, we just cannot choose when or how". I don't know how old your mother was, but I have to remind myself that I had 54 blessed years with my mom, and that some people lose their mother at far too young an age.