tjwbrown

Niamh, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. It does truly feel like your life will never be complete. I lost my mother in 2002. I thought that I would never be able to cope without her. Since she and my dad lived close by I was over there everyday. My boys grew up eating like field hands in my momma's kitchen. She was my confidant. I could tell her anything and she would give me words of wisdom. When she died I felt like a black hole had been left in my heart. The days seemed to blend and time didn't seem to matter. I just existed for the next 2 years. The saying does get old but it is true that time does heal. You will never really get over the loss but you learn to enjoy life again and the hole left in your heart is filled with bittersweet memories that will last you all your life. I used to see those hideous moomoos in JcPenny and would just have a total break down because that's what my momma wore puttering around her house and flowerbed. Now, when I see those moomoos I giggle a little as I recall my mom outside digging in the flowerbed in her blue flowery moomoo and green rainboots . It does take time but remember that when we enjoy life we are paying tribute to them and their wonderful legacy they leave in our care. God bless you with peace and comfort Niamh. You are in my heart and prayers. Tishira

Those days when your emotions seem to be stretched to their limits are tough days. It helps knowing that I'm not the only one who is having to come to grips with this reality that I want no part of at times. It's been almost 3 weeks and I still haven't received the death certificate. I'm in a way, looking forward to it to see what they put as the cause and I'm dreading it because I don't want to keep reliving those horrible and frantic moments. Thank you for your prayers. I'm a big believer in prayer and I know that it can bring comfort to an aching heart. You all are in my prayers as well. We are not alone in this. I'm reading a great book right now called Getting to the Other Side of Grief. It's written by a psychologist and a minister who lost their spouses. It has been a great source for me. It helps put things in perspective and how to deal with certain situations that could potentially be emotionally painful. Karen, I hope you have had a good day today full of peace. I pray that for you. Just remember that when your on that rollercoaster that eventually there will come some relief at the end of the ride. God bless you and bring you strength and comfort. Aquarius7, the loss of a parent is so very hard to take. I lost my precious mother in 2002. I miss her everyday, she was my confidant. I'm thankful that I still have my father but at 83 he is becoming frail. I so agree with you about the whole "closure" thing. I don't think we really ever find closure. I think we just gradually and at times painfully learn to live with it to some degree to where we can be happy again and learn that life is but a fleeting moment and we can go with it and be the best we can be to make our loved ones death's be the catalyst for something good in our lives. My father is a retired minister and he told me that when we go through these trials that God has chosen us because we are strong of heart. We will survive this and make something good come from it. I will talk to the Admin of the ER but as for an autopsy being done, that's impossible, his family and I went with his wishes of cremation. The county has to wait 48 hours before the cremation to take place. I did everything I could but the county would not pay for the autopsy and the hospital wouldn't order one either. I was and I'm still livid about the whole thing. It just doesn't make any sense. Kayc, thank you for your sound advice. I want to talk to the doctor that spoke to me that day. Surely she would know something. I got a bill from the hospital yesterday for a drug screen but no results. I think I'm going to call and see if I can get the results. They would have to tell me I would think. God bless you all and know that you all are in my prayers. I pray for you all to have comfort and peace in these difficult days that lie ahead for us all. Lots of hugs to you all, Tishira

Thank you all for your kind words. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. It has certainly been my faith that has kept me going along with my family. I started thinking and came to the conclusion that perhaps this is all part of God's plan and since they didn't do an autopsy then I just need to deal with it and move on. I think that would be in my best interests. Bless you all for replying. It helped me put things in perspective. I pray that we all have peace and comfort daily to help us on this new chapter in our lives. Much love to you all, Tishira

On Thursday, May 20,2010,I lost my best friend, my love, my soulmate. I awoke to find him snoring strangely and tried to get him to lay on his left side. When I pushed on his arm he was lifeless. I called 911 and the paramedics took him to the hospital. I remember how my heart was pounding when I got to the ER. It felt like it was bursting out of my chest. The nurse at the front desk lead me through the doors and the hospital chaplin lead me to a room. I panicked and collapsed in a chair. The doctor came in and told me they tried everything but he didn't make it. My world shattered in the blink of an eye. The reason I'm looking for closure is because an autopsy was not ordered by either the county or the hospital. He was just 40 years-old! I was never told what caused the love of my life to die. He had been on an anti-depressant and a sleep aid. He had been suffering from depression for years and was actually doing very well. The night before he was in good spirits and he and our boys, ages 20&19, were cutting up and laughing. He came into the kitchen while I was cooking and we chatted and teased each other. The only argument we had was who loved each other the most. I want to know what happened! I have a right to know what happened! If it was something like a congenital heart problem then I want to know for my sons' sake. I don't know where to go from here. I'm just existing at the moment. My oldest son moved 5 hours away to go to school. My youngest has become very protective of me and really has become the "man of the house". God gave me two sons who have been my source of strength and for that I'm very thankful. I just need to know what happened, it's literally driving me batty! God bless us all and bring us peace.