I lost my boyfriend of 5 wonderful years on March 27th at the age of 43. He went to the doctor under protest from me and his family in Feb. The basic bloodwork came back with some concerns of diabetes, cholesterol and possible blood pressure/heart issues. He got some sample meds from his family doctor with the understanding that he needed to do further testing soon. He felt better and did the natural thing that people do, was to procrastinate. He never made that appt. He came to see me that Mon night. He was complaining of nothing being wrong. I was looking up info for him online and then he said "ok lets just cuddle" We laid on my bed to watch tv and I asked him a question and he didn't answer me. I turned my head to see why he didn't answer and I saw his face. He was in full cardiac arrest. I did my best to do the right thing. CPR and mouth to mouth, but it happened so fast. After the paramedics came and then took him I knew it wasn't good. When I got to the hospital they asked me to wait in a little room. Shortly after that the doctor came and said that it was unfortunate but he didn't make it. I still cant believe this is true. I know it is true but a part of me cannot accept that I wont see him or touch him again. Everything that I have waited for to find a person who loves me so easily and I love him so much. I have started talking one on one to a bereavement counselor for the first time last week. I hope it helps. I feel so alone. Mine and our friends are distant. I know that this scared them on the security of their own relationships. I am a strong person but feel so alone right now in handling this.
