Marion Claire

Lost my wonderful husband May 2nd and moved the beginning of November. Could not get down to do laundry etc. He always helped me with so much that was hard for me to do. We knew in time we would have to move, but this went so fast I ended up doing it alone. Have a beautiful apartment in a great building with all the extras-- pool etc. It was a very lonely transition but all the furniture he made for our house if here with us and everything we had together. Actually found an apartment that could take on things from a 3 bedroom, and full basement. I know he is here with me. Just last week he was really here after I had had a very sad day. Came to visit me that night. My grandchildren suffered the most actually in selling the house as they had grown up and stayed with us many times and that would always be grandpa and grandma's house to them. Easier on my kids cause they grew up elsewhere. I for one will never adjust to him not being here with me. Guess in my dream world I thought we would be together forever....... Never entered my head that one day I could be without him.

I have felt no interest in the holidays this year. Plus our anniversary is the day after Christmas, and it was New Years Eve when our son committed suicide. With Ray gone this year I felt I just couldn't do it. Spent today at one grand daughters with her folks and 2 sisters and their familys. Looked at those wonder people and those 3 little babies all born this year and relized I do still things to be grateful for. Those babies have been my salvation. Ray always loved to decorate for Christmas. He did it all inside and outside. He must have gotten into my head this week, cause I put up the tree and the decorations I kept when I moved and even bought a couple. All I can figure he told me to do it, cause I honestly had no intention of doing anything at all. I know he's happy I did too.

A truer thing I have never read. This says it all and is 100% the way my life is now. Thanks for posting this

Really good. Thanks so much for sharing.

Thanks gals for all the helpful comments. This was a great move for me I know. Health wise it was a real good decision. Getting all my memorable things into place first, and yes where ever I am he is with me. Evenings are rough tho still. I have my big yard to go out and wander around in and now I don't have that. But pretty soon it will too cold and icy to spend much time outside any way. There is a lot going on this apartment complex if I feel up to joining me. Right now guess I rather not be around a group of strangers. My family is great but still not up to a room of strangers. Dumb I know but every evening I feel so alone and still I really love this apartment. Never lived alone in 57 years so it's differant.

Well I am all moved into my apartment now. Hard to walk through the house we lived for so many years and know that after Friday it is no longer mine. Doctor said NO steps so guess it was a wise choice to move here. Only the living room looks like home yet. Boxes everywhere else. Had to get up the stuff I had up before of the son we lost and of my darling husband. After that was done it started to feel more like home. I know where ever I go he is with me, but the memories in that house are so many. Grandkids each had to go through the house one last time, and alone. Hope in time they feel this is home like they did there. Has been a very sad week. A needed move, but the memories are so hard to think about that happened in that house. Marion

Except for my cat and he doesn't say much I am alone most of the time. Have a big family and they do stop by often but still 98% of the time it's just me here. Kay===I do find myself talking to myself. Probably good no one hears me, but I do. The lose of another voice that has been with me forever it seems is unbearable. I see others that don't seem to feel that way, I always will I know. Marion

Well I move in one week, so am real busy now backing everything up that I can. After living in this house for over25 years I am packing up our live it feels like. All alone packing all we had into boxes. I the move will be good for me cause I have a friend over there, but I have never made an major decisions on my own before. Anything major we always decided together. I am getting down even tho I need to move cause of the stairs here. Anxious to move, so so sad to leave all the memories here. No--they are going with me too. All the grandkids are really sad about me moving out of our house. This was always home to them. My kids grew up in a different town so they aren't quite as attached to this house but the one before this. I am just rambling I know. Wander thru the house and yard too like I am lost! Just really wanted to post to let you know I will be gone for a while. Busy this week to get on the computer and when I move need to get everything hooked up again. Will come back when all is done here.

My life is so different but I know how devestated I would have been at your young ages. Don't know how I would have been able to handle it. I on the other hand have 56 years of memories to keep here with me. But also have 56 years of being the two of us, and now I do not know how to be just me. Had never before had to make all the decidions alone that I now have to me. There is just me. Either young or old it hurts too much...

All my daughters and I found out 3 1/2 years ago when I lost my only son. People disappeared for all of us. One brother-in-law would not come to the fueral even because it was a suicide. He had no feeling how this was for our whold family. Caused a lot of hard feelings from all of us. With losing Ray lots of people's comment was that he was old and had had a good life. Very true but we are all suffering and grieving over our lost regardless of his age. I just can't yet after 5 1/2 months figured out how to go on alone. After so many years together there is no way to fill the hugh gap in my life or the hugh hole in my heart. I know some people just don't want to deal with people who are deeply grieving and do not understand how much we need them. My girls that work said some people were so great about showing they cared and were there is they wanted them for comfort, while others just vanished. Some day everyone will lose a loved one any seems only then will they understand. I figure is they are uncomfortable around me then they don't really count as friends, so I go on without them ..

Yesterday I drove about 45 miles north of here to my brothers. First trip I have made except to a store if I run out of something. Stayed overnight with them and I had the best nights sleep since Ray passed away. We chatted all afternoon and evening and I am usually alone every evening and lots of afternoons. Family is my in the mornings allmost every day when. One daughter is here every morning cause she works at 3:00, and one grand daughter and her baby are over everyday between nap times. So very few mornings am I alone. Most always alone Sundays. All the talking up there must have been good medicine for me to actually get my first good nights sleep in over6 months since Ray first got really bad. They told me when ever I need a nights sleep to just come up and they will talk me tired again............

Finally realized today why everything is so different in one day. Being left alone meant I have to make all decisions by myself. Never ever have I had to do that. Ray took such good care of me and know I have to figure everything out by myself. Already so worried about tax time. I know where nothing is and I may have thrown papers I will need, and have no idea about any of it, so will have to go get help for sure. Selling our home was not a decision I would ever do alone before. Any bigger purchase etc we always did together. It truly is hard enough to be left alone with my wonderful soulmate. Took a while for it to sink in that everything is up to me know. Keep telling him I hope I am doing the right thing. My girls tell me seeing I was treated like a fairy princess for so many years anything I do would be ok with him. Guys and gals this really stinks being alone doesn't it.......................... Marion

You are so normal I think after losing a loved one. I sleep with a hugh puppy and a giant troll smoking a cigar every thing. Those were given to Ray and were his not mine so they are on his side of the bed. When it's cool I cover up with his Vikings blanket. Whatever was his is a comfort to me. I taought the cat to sleep on a little afghan on the foot of the bed. He was never allowed on the bed, but somehow it's now a comfort having him there and he stays where I told him too each night. I think whatever makes us feel better at this horrid time in our lives go and do it....

I have a large very supportive family but as far as friends we were each others best friend and with a large family we seldom were with other people. Thank God for my family or there would be no one for me to even talk to. My cat helps a lot. Actually he was a grandson's cat and when he moved in with us his senior year of school the cat was in the package. He went in the Air Force after school and he will never get my best friend back. When I am sad, he lays his head on mine and comforts me.

My husband passed away at 3:30 in the morning. I had spent (most of family had also!) about 1 1/2 weeks in the hospital 24 hours every day. I would run home to shower and change clothes and get right back up there. When he was gone, I told all my family I wanted to go home and I wanted to go alone. One daughter followed me to make sure I got home and in the house and then left. Lots of people could not understand this, but I needed this time with no one else around. I am always alone except for my cat every evening and usually on Sunday. Have family drop by other times usually. I still enjoy my alone time here with my thoughts and memories. I can cry, scream, do whatever I need to do at the time and no one will be upset or worried. They are all grieving really bad all our family. We do talk but still I am content alone some of the time.. Cat just crawls up and kisses me if I am too upset. It helps too.