mykenzysmom

I am very sorry for your loss Suzie. The best of luck to you. I too am struggling with the death of my parents from when I was a young child and a teenager. I am now in my 30's and it is really "hitting" me for the first time. This passage about delayed grief was very helpful to me as well. Its nice to know what is normal and that every time I have felt bad on certain days over the years that it wasn't just me being "selfish" or having a "pitty party". Thans very much Marty and Suzie, I really hope you do well and find peace.

Thanks Marty! These will be very helpful I appreciate your help very much!

Thanks Niamh for taking the time to reply to your post. I am very sorry about the loss of your father as well. I know that the first year is very tough...there are so many reminders around. Thanks for the kind advice. I will do some research. It really helped just to write down my feelings somewhere. I have never sought out any kind of grief counseling because I have always been able to function in life fairly well without it....but it does help to hear from others who have gone through losing a parent. Good luck to you and HUGS back!!!!!

My dad died 19 years ago yesterday....why did it hit me so hard? I came across this term called "delayed grief". Despite my efforts to protect myself from the pain of losing my parents by postponing my grief, it is the love I have for them that requires me to mourn for them. The pain doesn't "go" anywhere it has just been lying there in my heart, waiting for me to deal with it. A little history here. My mom died suddenly when I was 4 from a heart condition. My grandma died by suicide when I was 14. My dad died from a drowning accident when I was 15. My grandpa died when I was 20. My other grandpa died when I was 29. My uncle died by suicide when I was 30. My husband has also lost 3 of his grandparents and a close aunt since we have been married over the past 14 years. I have experienced a lot of death in my life. People would comment on how well I handled it and how well I turned out. The truth is that I never dealt with my grief. I never handled it, I just denied it. Now that I am older and more mature, it is starting to "come out" all the time. Mothers day is awful. The 24th of July (which is a big holiday in Utah) was awful. Everything that reminds me of my parents makes me sad and cry. Has anyone else experienced this? I thought I was going crazy because my grief has lied dormant for so many years and is now demanding that I deal with it. I have horrible nightmares and I am constantly afraid that something bad will happen to my 4 children. Any thoughts????