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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

PopPop

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  • Date of Death
    June 23, 2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA
  1. Melina, I believe that you are absolutely right that our grief changes as time passes. I am into my eighth month of this journey and I to am facing a deeper sorrow and stronger sense of loss. I find that these feelings are most prevalent when I am facing one of life's challenges and I no longer have the support of my wife to help me through it. Another thing that I am having to adjust to is dealing with my emotions. From the perspective of a male at the tail end of the baby boom this is one of the things I struggle with the most. In the world I was raised in boys were taught to be the strong, silent type and keep our emotions in check. I now am feeling and experiencing my emotions unlike any other time in my life. It is like I am becoming a completely different person than the one that I have been for the last 40 plus years. All the best to you. Stay Strong. PopPop
  2. I haven't posted here lately but I need to vent. My life is a mess. In August of 2009 my father succumbed to the ravages of kidney disease after fighting the valiant fight for the last six to eight months of his life. All in all this was a blessing because he was merely a shell of the man whom I loved, respected, and adored and he had no quality of life. On June 23, 2010 my wife, best friend, and soul mate suddenly died and within the last two months my 78 year old mother has been diagnosed with ALS,(Lou Gherig's disease), and she is rapidly declining. It has been said that everything in life happens for a reason if that's the case can someone explain the reason why I have lost and am loosing three of the most important people in my life in 18 months time? Throughout my adult life I have acted resposibly; holding a steady job, providing a safe, financially secure home for my family, and being there for my parents when they needed me. Yet the current chain of events has caused me to question all of this. Lately, I have a very difficult time maintaining focus on anything. It's all I can do to drag myself out of bed and plod through another day. I know there are no easy answers or solutions but I am really frustrated and have no one who really cares to talk things out with. I've also come to the conclusion that most people are just being polite when they ask how you are doing. They are more interested in telling you about their problems than hearing about yours. That's my rant for now. Thanks for listening.
  3. Thanks to everyone for your replies. Last night I was able to do some self analysis and I concluded that the wave of grief that hit me this week really took me by surprise because it hasn't happened for a while. I thought I was beyond that but I concluded that there really is no end to this process. It is ongoing and will always be a part of me. I now know that the next time a wave hits me I should just let it wash over me, kick it into auto pilot, and roll on. Probably not the best of coping skills but it will do for now. And to Billw, like your wife, Robin wouldn't want me to sit around and be miserable either. Thanks for reminding me of that. You're a very insightful man. All the Best to Everyone, PopPop
  4. December 23, 2010 was the six month mark since I experienced the sudden loss of my wonderful wife Robin. I felt like I was progressing through the grief process but since the six month mark I feel like I've hit the wall and am starting all over again. Sometimes I feel just like I did on the night she died. I don't know if it has to do with the time of the year or if the reality of the loss and facing the future without her is settling in on me. Just curious to hear if this has happened to anyone else.
  5. I am not a religious person in the conventional sense. I would describe myself as a lapsed catholic. While none of us know what becomes of us after our time in this world is over it is my belief that we each have an everlasting spirit that continues on after death. My take on how that spirit lives on is that it continues to live in the hearts and personalities of the loved ones left behind. When I speak of feeling Robin's presence this is what I mean. I can feel that presence at any place or anytime. I am feeling it right now as she is helping me to put this into words. So that's how it works for me. It will be interesting to hear others' experiences. I don't think it has anything to do with your religious beliefs and I can't say I've had any signs it's just something that's a part of me.
  6. I just want to post about something that was weighing on my mind to see what everyone else's experiences were. I lost my wife on June 23, 2010. While reading through the postings here I read a lot of postings from people talking about how they could still feel their spouse's presence with them. This was something that I wasn't experiencing and it was causing me some concern. In the last couple of days I can honestly say I have felt Robin's presence with me and it is a good/reassuring feeling. I have also started to feel like I'm getting responses when I talk to her. I'm just curious to know what others experiences have been. Did you start to feel their presence immediatley or was it only after you came to terms/acceptance with the loss?
  7. Jay, please accept my sympathies for the loss of your beloved Mary. I am starting my fourth month on this journey and as you said it is like starting life over but it is not. We all may still live, work and sleep in the same places but we are no longer the same individuals as we were before we suffered our losses. I have only just come to the realization that I no longer am the man I was prior to Jume 23, 2010. It's like learning who you are all over again. At 45 I thought I had a very good idea of who I was, what I wanted out of life and how to achieve it, but not so much anymore. All I can do is try to figure out who this new guy is and what he can accomplish with the rest of his life. At the same time I have to make sure that the new guy is someone that Robin would like to know and be proud of. All the best and I hope things get better for you.
  8. I am fortunate because I do have a loving, supportive family and a couple of close friends who are there for me. At times this gets frustrating because as hard as Robin's death hit them they each were able to, more or less, proceed with life as it was before Robin died and nothing in my world will ever be the same. It has only been in the last week that my daughter and I have really started to open up to one another. I guess this is progress because for the last few years she and I have had somewhat of an arm's length relationship, with Mom as the intermediary, and now we're finding our father/daughter bond again. We did have a lengthy conversation Monday night which I ended by telling her thanks for talking and that she is probably the only person in the world who can truely understand/ relate to what I'm going through
  9. Well, I'm into my fourth month on this journey and I'm about ready to give up. Can someone explain to me why I should forge on when I can't and don't want to think about a future without Robin. It all just seems so pointless and I don't really understand why I should put forth the effort to move forward when there's nothing to feel good about or look forward to in the future. Sorry for being so negative and being such a downer.
  10. It's uncanny how appropriate your post is to where I'm at today. I to am three months into this process after losing my wife on June 23, 2010. I also thought I was making some pretty good progress, got through the shock and the fog was starting to lift. I thought I was starting to come to terms and acceptance with the reality/finality of Robin's sudden death and getting my head back into life. Then this moring as I'm driving to work a song came on the radio, a new release, not even a song that had any significance in our relationship, and it just flooded my mind with thoughts of Robin. I was overcome with emotion and before I knew what was happening I was the guy driving down the highway bawling his eyes out. I don't know if this will help you but if you need some reassurance about where you are in the process and the progress you're making I think we're both doing just fine. Take good care. PopPop
  11. Well, it's three months since I suddenly lost Robin and while I continue to soldier on for the sake of my family I'm starting to wonder if I can continue to do this. For the longest time my family role was and still is being strong and supportive. I'm trying to persevere in this for my daughter, grandchildren, and elderly mother but lately I'm feeling like the foundation is slipping away. How am I supposed to continue on without my #1 ally, cheerleader, and sometimes harshest critic? Thanks for hearing this emotional basket case of a 45 year old grown man.
  12. Just curious to know if anyone here has ever consulted a psychic and if the experience was worthwhile?
  13. Fran, please accept my sympathy for the loss of Ray. I can relate to your experience because my wife Robin suddenly passed away on June 23, 2010. I don't think anyone here would say that there is a right or wrong way to get through what we are each experiencing. This is an individual process with a lot of back and forth and ups and downs. Speaking for myself, for the first month or so following Robin's death I was basically sleepwalking through life and just going through the daily motions. Eventually, life settled into a new routine but it will never be the same. I am still struggling with this and I don't know if I will ever get to a point where it won't be a struggle. I have found this board to be very helpful and the people here are very supportive. I encourage you to continue to come here. All the best and again please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of Ray. PopPop
  14. Well, it's Monday and the start of another work week and my tenth week without Robin. I'm finding one of the hardest things is going home at the end of the day and not having my best friend to talk with about the nonsense going on at work. I'm really getting tired of hearing about my co-workers personal and financial problems. I wonder how any of them would react if they had a REAL PROBLEM and if they'd like to trade places? I just don't have the tolerance for people like I used to and it would feel so good to go off on someone but I try to keep my emotions in check. In our relationship I was the tolerant one and Robin was the one who wouldn't put up with anyone's BS. I guess the change in me is part of Robin's legacy. Not necessarily a good part but a part of it none the less. That's my rant for now. Thanks for listening.
  15. Very well said Kay. That is another bit of wisdom I will have to keep in my mental file. PopPop
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