jennifer1969

Darl, My brother went out today and got me two key chain urns that I wanted and a little keep sake one that I picked out. So that I can keep some of my husband Marks ashes. At times I think I am losing my mind and then most of the times I just want to die so that I can be with Mark. I have never loved someone so much or had someone love so much. I don't understand why I can't get this bad dream to stop. I have the same dream of Mark dieing every time I fall a sleep. Now I hardly sleep and I can't stop crying.

Korina I really wish I could sleep. All I am doing is sitting here or laying around crying. I miss Mark so much it is killing me. I just can't seem to do anything right any more. I tired to go outside today but it didn't happen. My chest is hurting and I can't breath. I can't get this anxiety attack to stop. I wish I could go to counseling, but every time I try to go I panic so bad I come back in the house. I don't know what to do.

Korina, I love to see my husbands pictures and things. One things is that I had but no chioce to go throw some of Marks things. When I lost him I also lost my job, car, and home. I had to pack everything up in Ohio and move to Pittsburgh with my brother a month after Mark passed away. Now all I have left of our life together is his ashes that he wants me to sprinkle and his things, and memories of him.I can't even bring myself to sprinkle his ashes where he wants to be, because I feel like I am losing him all over again.

I am having a really hard time since my husband passed away on June 27, 2010. I am so center on the loss of my husband Mark. I spent all day looking through boxes, for his stuff today. I have to have everything of his around me. I can't even bring myself to take his ashes and sprinkle them where he wants to be. I feel like if I do this that I will lose him forever and not be with him. I also feel so guilty that he passed away and that I am still alive. I should have went down in the basement to get his pants that day. Then he would still be alive and with me. I’m having a hard time find any joy in my life. My life has no meaning without Mark in it. I am so withdrawn I can’t do anything anymore. I don’t go out and all I do is lay around. I think everyone is judging me because of all of this.

No comfort and peace for me on my birthday. I just feel like i'm in a world and life that I don't fit in to any more. Nothing makes sence any more. When Mark passed away on june 27, 2010 I think I died to. I just can't figure out why I'm still here. I'm also trying to figure out why God took him from me. Why I ain't or shouldn't I be happy any more. I just don't get life any more. Did I do something wrong in life to be punished like this. I had two great things in my life time. My son and my husband. Now Mark is gone. Now all I live for is my son. Jennifer

Today is my birthday and I just can't seem to be around any one. I have locked myself in my room and I have cryied all day and night. This is my first birthday without Mark. It really sucks. I just can't face any one. Now I'm feeling bad because I wouldn't let my son and brother in to see me. I don't know what to do any more. I feel bad because Mark is gone and then I am now feeling bad because I don't want to be around my family. I just can't win any more. All I wanted for my birthday was to be with Mark, but I'm still here. Why?

I want to thank all of you for being there for me. My chest pians are from anxiety, and panic attack and depression. I have had these for a long time, but since Mark passed away they have gotten worse. I had to cry to everyone but I don't know what else to do. He was my life along with my son. We were together all the time. Mark started a life for me that I never new. Some one that loved me. I am the youngest out of 10 kids, but my family is a mess. That is a whole nother story. I miss him so much. He always was there for me and my son. In 10 years we only had 3 fights. We were ment to be. And now he is gone. Life just isn't fair.

Not to many of my friends call or talk to me since my husband passed away. And if they do and I talk about my husband Mark they will change the subject. I don't know if they don't want to talk about him or if they just don't want to hear me talk about him. I wouldn't ever do that to a friend.

I'm so upset, I can't sleep and all I do is cry. I have taken to locking myself in my bedroom and hardly eating.I don't want to be around anyone. I don't know what to do. I can't believe my husband Mark is really gone. I didn't even get the chance to say good bye to him. I never got to tell him that day how much I loved him. I have lost my husband, my home, and car. I am now living with my brother and his family. My 18 year old son lives here to. I hate my life and I really wish I was with Mark. I can't get my chest pains to stop. My life is a mess. What am I going to do. I can't believe he left me. Didn't he love me? Can someone tell me why he had to leave? I feel like my life has no meaning now. I'm trying to get some help. But it is taking so long. Nobody want to talk about it here with me. I need someone to talk to. Please help me. I need a friend to talk to.

I have made a tribute page for my husband Mark Fish. I am still working on it. I am useing tribute.perfectmemorials.com . If you want to look at what I have done so far you can. Just go to tribute.perfectmemorials.com and then type in Mark Fish. It is the one that says Salem, ohio. He passed away on June 27, 2010. If you look at it can you please let me know what you think of it so far. It is free to make a tribute on this page.