I lost my partner to pancreatic cancer 6 weeks ago. I was his sole caregiver and witnessed the awful effects of this terrible disease and side-effects of the chemotherapy treatment. While others are grieving over the loss, and missing his bubbly personality, I seem to be on a different planet to them. I keep re-living the traumatic moments of his illness, the debilitating sickness, the events that led to 911 calls and intensive care. The all-consuming fear of not knowing what side effect was going to happen next or even if he would still be alive when I awoke in the morning.
Even though he was at home where he wanted to be, and with me by his side, most of all I am haunted by his final 24 hours, and his suffering and struggle as he slowly passed away.
Have any of you felt the same way? How do I get through this?
Lily